Naruto's 'Tails'
by Outlook Positive
Summary: Minato's mistake during Kyuubi's attack caused a very different kind of fox to be sealed into Naruto instead of the nine-tailed engine of destruction. Thus began the adventure of Kyuubi-less Naruto as he seeks to create a path for himself in the shinobi world with the help of his accidental hostage.
1. Prolog

_**Hokage, the Fire Shadow,**_

_**The leader of the Konohagakure, the village hidden by the tree leaves.**_

When it was time for him to speak up, Minato stood up proudly and announced to the class, "I want to be a great Hokage that will be respected by everyone in the village,"

The class erupted in laughter, with someone even mocking him in an exaggerated nasal voice while another one proudly boasted that if a wuss could become a Hokage, then the village will certainly collapse. Despite the strong negative reception to his proclamation, Minato didn't get mad and simply chuckled with a hand behind his head. He really couldn't get it to get angry with them. After all, despite their response, those same people would probably be the ones that will fight together with him one day

But one person gave a totally different reaction to the announcement. Even as he laughed it off, he saw the look in the eyes of the cute redhead who had announced earlier that she wanted to become the Hokage. It's one of annoyance. Oh great, she must have thought that he was trying to steal her dream.

He was not, though. Even before he entered the Academy, he spent his time watching the entire village from a spot to the left of Sandaime's head sculpture, pretending as if he was overlooking it as its custodian. He wasn't sure what really caused him to become Hokage but he was certain that the goal would be one worth having.

_**Generally acknowledged as the strongest shinobi in the village,**_

The Kumo shinobi platoon stared at the single adversary they were facing with trepidation. Unlike Uchiha or Hyuuga, the lone opponent didn't come from a prestigious clan. Despite that, they knew not to underestimate him as his outstanding achievements had begun to make themselves known. Some of them raised their kunais in preparation to throw them while the others were preparing to perform their respective jutsus.

Minato sighed. He really respected his adversaries as they remained steadfast in their position as rearguards even though the main Kumo detachment had already left the place. Even though he had received order _not _to pursue, his opponents didn't know about it and was prepared sacrifice their lives to stop him.

"Do we really have to do this?" he asked reluctantly.

Misunderstanding what he meant, the Kumo shinobis attacked.

Minato calmly threw one of his three-pronged kunais and disappeared from the view.

_**Possessing the strength, intellect and wisdom to lead it through peaceful times and turbulent times**_

"Congratulations, brat" Jiraiya said while slapping the back of his blonde haired student good-naturedly. "They've upgraded your rating to a 'flee on sight'."

"Oh," came the unexpected and rather sombre response.

"Hey, you're supposed to be happy with that upgrading, since you are on the same level as me."

"Sensei, the wording on your description, if I recall correctly, is 'To all kunoichi: you're to flee on sight of the said person within 3 kilometer radius of a nearby bath house' and that is the warning for the Kiri Bingo Book. "The one of Kumo's book is 'Kill the bastard with extreme prejudice and while you're at it, remember to castrate him as well'. As for Suna..."

Jiraiya laughed it off loudly, interrupting Minato. "Still, it's somewhat the same thing. No matter what reason, a flee-on-sight is still a flee-on-sight no matter what reason." His expression then turned serious. "So, as I asked you just now, mind telling me the reason why you're unhappy?"

Minato turned toward him in surprise.

A few seconds passed before Jiraiya crossed his arms and tilted his head a little bit. "Well?"

"You're not going suggest that the reason why I'm down in the dumps is because Kushina didn't want to do the 'horizontal tango' or 'horsey riding'?"

Jiraiya a hand on his head and shook in exaggerated manner. "Sigh. That's why I don't like closet perverts like you. You're a hypocrite, acting all cool and that while actually you're the same with me."

"Sensei!"

The toad hermit lowered the hand and stared at his student. "Well, props at your attempt to change the topic but you still have a lot to go. So, the main reason?"

"I wonder, sensei, is there another way to our way of life?"

Jiraiya had a thoughtful look on his face. "Go on."

"Do we really have to fight all the time? Killing begets killing, revenge begets revenge. It is a vicious circle. Isn't there a better way?"

The sennin smiled and put a hand on Minato's shoulder. "There is."

Minato put his hand on top of his sensei's. "How?"

"That, Minato, is the answer that I'm still searching for, though I believe it would be you who will find it."

Minato smiled. "Thank you, sensei."

**The symbol of power of the village**

He had once joked to his newly wedded wife that even though she certainly had the all the necessary abilities and character to be become Hokage, she wouldn't become one. Of course, the reason wasn't due to her being a woman since no one really cared what gender the Hokage was as long as he or she was strong; Kushina was insanely strong that if he often had to use thunder god jutsu to keep up with her.

Kushina wouldn't become the Hokage simply because she wouldn't last through the inauguration ceremony. If she nearly stood up in the middle of their wedding ceremony to demand the shinto priest marrying the two of them to tell the priest 'just marry us up already- ttebane" because she felt that it was too long, Minato shuddered to think about her reaction to the inauguration being at least ten times longer.

Even as he remained calm and stoic, his eyes roved all over the villagers assembled in front of him, reminding himself that those were the people he had sworn to protect.

Then, he saw Kushina moving to rejoin the crowd in front of him. Judging the fact that she had a satisfied look on her face, she probably went back to have a cup of instant ramen or two. Or five or six, since Ichiraku Ramen was closed by its owner who also came to the ceremony. Normally, as the wife of the Hokage, she was supposed to stand behind him throughout the ceremony but since their marriage was a secret to everyone except a select few, she took advantage of that.

Which was for the best, since Kushina probably couldn't sit still through the first ten verse of prayers.

Still, despite her flaws, to Minato, she is the 'Hokage' of his heart.

_**But, despite being described as an inheritor to the Sage of Six Paths, the Hokage was still a human being. **_

_**Being a human being, he or she wasn't above all earthly desires, wasn't above the jealousy and envy of fellow mankind,**_

Minato looked at his secretary, a stern looking lady in early 30s who was wearing what was called as 'business suit'. He didn't really understand the need for the woman to wear spectacles as she, being a shinobi had to have perfect eyesight, but Jiraiya-sensei had once explained that it was part of the her character concept, before the old hermit suddenly had a lecherously faraway look for a full ten minutes and then started scribbling like mad.

"Hokage-sama, Orochimaru-san asked me to relay his apology for leaving your office before you return. He told me that there's," the secretary stopped to see a paper on the table, "some misalignment with centrifuges installed in Laboratory 3 that can overload the generators that in turn can cause unexpected fissile reaction that will in turn release massive amount of thermal energy along with gamma rays and x-rays causing ionizing effects to the cells of the carbon-based organisms that proliferates in the 50 kilometers radius of the said site of thermal release thus requiring his immediate and undivided attention.."

A shinobi or in this case a kunoichi can do anything, even say a long sentence non-stop without having to take a breath in the between.

Minato frowned a bit. "If he doesn't want to wait, he could just say so without having to invent such a fanciful fantasy. It's not that I don't understand his position. Besides, if I knew the Council was going to waste five hours of time of trying to get me to 'sow the next generation of Yellow Flash' instead of just 'brief meeting' as they requested, I would have rescheduled me meeting him. He sighed and muttered, "Now he's going to think that I'm flaunting my position in his face."

"He said that he understood your situation very well, Hokage-sama, and would like to meet you at a later date."

"Oh well, that's a relief." Minato's hand was on the door knob of his office when he remembered something. "Unless it's important, please reschedule any visi..."

Minato didn't finish his words as he was buried underneath papers that spilled out of his office when he opened the door.

ToN-ToN-ToN-ToN-ToN-ToN-ToN-ToN-ToN-ToN

"Ku ku ku," Orochi laughed as he watched was transpired in the Hokage's office through a surveillance jutsu he had planted on the office wall.

"You sound like a bird, Orochimaru-sama," his recently acquired apprentice, Kabuto remarked.

"Evil laugh is supposed to sound like that."

"I see," Kabuto answered drolly before adjusting his glasses. "What did you do to him?"

"Directly, nothing. He's the Yellow Flash, of course. But while researching Shodaime's mokuton power last year, I found out a very interesting fact. When some Shodaime's cells are combined with a specific spell matrix, it can be used to duplicate certain wood-based items in numerous quantity."

Kabuto focused on screen. "So, you spend the whole year coming up with..."

"It is currently my greatest technique: 'Paperwork bunshin no jutsu'!, the most powerful anti-Kage jutsu ever invented!"

Simultaneously, every kage throughout the world shivered in fear.

"The matrix will keep duplicating more and more paperwork until the power is exhausted and it disappears, leaving no trace. The paperwork it produces is also similar to normal paperwork and cannot be dispelled unlike kage bunshins."

"You just multiplied the paperwork," Kabuto pointed out simply. "He could just ask someone else to do it or even summon Kage Bunshin's to help out."

"Ku ku ku. Kabuto, you still have a lot to learn."

And indeed he still had a lot to learn as Kabuto was still quite young.

"The most terrifying part of this jutsu is not the multiplication part; it is the legal aspect that's scary. Because Minato is the Hokage, he couldn't simply ask someone else to make the decision that he was supposed to make as it will contravene Konohagakure's Regulation 142 Subsection 12A regarding Hokage's responsibilities. He can create a Kage Bunshin or two to sort the documents or even read them but he still have stamp them personally in accordance to Regulation 232 Subsection 1D, or else it's considered as a forgery. Even though he will realise that the contents of the forms are the same, he still have to stamp every one one of them as per required under Regulation 234C."

"When you put it that way, it does sound scary," Kabuto admitted. Then his eyes widened in shock. "Wait, this is the ultimate jutsu you were researching the whole time? You spent the whole year inventing a jutsu just to prank Hokage-sama?"

His words was lost on Orochimaru had a thoughtful look on his face, "I should have come up with this jutsu earlier and use it on Sensei in retaliation since he chose Minato over me."

_**Had worries and fear,**_

Even though his wife was about to go to sleep, Minato couldn't help himself. "Honey,"

Kushina moaned a bit as her journey to dreamland was interrupted but hearing the uncertainty in his voice, she knew that it was a very important thing. "Yes?"

"I'm wondering... Was I good?"

ToN-ToN-ToN-ToN-ToN-ToN-ToN-ToN-ToN-ToN

Danzo set the report on the table in front of him. As he had expected, Konoha's enemies were only so eager to spread the rumors that the 'Flash' part of the Minato's 'Yellow Flash' nickname was given by women bedded by him due to his lack of endurance.

The war veteran admitted to himself that spreading rumors that man had a premature ejaculation problem was a below-the-belt attack and could be considered as breaking the brother-code, but he was a shinobi and shinobi would do anything, even using such a devious attack.

"Shi!"

A figure appeared, wearing an Ultraman Ace mask, striking a body builder's pose. "Hiyash!"

Let it be known that Root's brainwashing method had good chance of instilling loyalty to Danzo and removing the recipient's personality. But something that good couldn't be without its disadvantages. So sometimes...

Danzo conveniently ignored the possible negative effects of the brainwashing program when he enacted it. After all, a shinobi has the capability to switch off his conscience for the good of himself.

"It's time to proceed with the next phase of the plan,"

"Shosh!" This time, the pose was a hand chopping pose, as if Shi was fighting a 60,000 tons kaijuu.

"Tell our agents to start spreading rumors that the reason why Minato is not married until now is because he is ga..." Danzo stopped. No, that wouldn't do, he decided. The reason was best reserved for someone whose name would rhyme with the word. Maybe Fugaku would have another son that will have such a name. "The reason why Minato is against the Clan Restoration Act, which basically a license for a harem setting, is that he has a small penis as well erectile dysfunction."

"Hoyagh!" Shi said, holding his hands upward and started to levitate slowly upward, accompanied by metallic whooshing sound before finally disappearing just before he reached the ceiling.

Shi wasn't the first and wasn't the last agent affected by the Root's brainwashing program. A few years later, the program will produce a very talented shinobi but that said shinobi will have a fixation on penisses.

_**A Hokage wasn't above having personal problems,**_

Onoki, the proud Third Tsuchikage stood overlooking the village from his office as he watched his soldiers silently searching for the intruders that tripped off the sensor seal array just few seconds prior. Whoever the invaders were, they were brazen enough to enter the village that night but he would make them regret their action. Iwa might be slightly weakened by the recent war, but it still had the might to wage another one. He tilted his head a bit as he sensed the air inside his office room shifted a bit. "Report,"

A member of the feared and respected Iwa no Ansatsu Senjutsu Tokushu Butai appeared while simultaneously dropping into one-legged kneeling stance, his neutral and stoic voice merely betraying a timber of worry in it. "Tsuchikage-sama, we have identified the intruder!"

"Intruder?" he intoned, noticing that the implied number. At most, probably someone with a personal vendetta against him or any one of his shinobis, or someone's too stupid or too suicidal, attempting to spy on the village. "Who is he?"

"It was the Yellow Flash."

He was the Tsuchikage, the absolute leader of the village, but pulverising the unfortunate man behind him who had to report the bad news to him was simply bad taste. After all, good help was hard to find those days. Still, the news that the infamous Kiroii Senko had entered his village and left without being caught or at least maimed annoyed him immensely. "So, what did he do?"

"Um..." the unease become more evident in the ANBU's voice, "he took some things."

"Right. As expected since shinobi steals, cheats and lies." Upon realising the rather peculiar phrasing of the report, he asked again, "Why do you say he took instead of stole?"

"He left some money along with a note. That's why we know who he was."

Onoki put out his right hand and a scroll was put on it. He opened it, ready to perform a kawarimi should the scroll was a trap.

It was a normal scroll.

Onoki read the content of the scroll and was quiet for long time. "He broke into our store, stole ten boxes of Pocky-flavored instant ramen along ten boxes of ramen-flavored pocky and left money amounting to five times the value of the things he took?"

"Yes, Tsuchikage-sama."

"That damn bastard! This travesty must not go unpunished. Relay a message to the Jounin Commander to prepare a punitive expedition to Kusa by tomorrow afternoon. I want all bandits to be wiped out by the end of the week. Also, don't bother to hide the operation. In fact, the more people know about it, the better."

"Tsuchikage-sama?" the ANBU asked, uncertain about what he had heard.

"You have your order."

"Yes." With that final salutation, the ANBU was gone, leaving Onoki alone once more.

So the Namikaze thought that he could do as he pleased, did he? Well, he would teach the bastard a lesson in subterfuge. With the bandits in Kusa wiped out, there would be no attacks on the merchants from the Fire Country which in turn meant that the young Hokage would have no good reason to leave his village and had to stay there for the duration of 'that arduous and difficult period'.

Onoki chuckled malevolently at the thought.

Now, perhaps he could send the remaining stock of ramen-flavored pocky and pocky-flavored ramen, which Namikaze had missed probably due his haste, to Kumo. Sure, he would have to lower the status of his village a little bit by telling his counterpart that the gifts were peace offerings, but imagining the normally calm Namikaze frantically ransacking Kumo's store for the items made the slight seemed insignificant in comparison.

While he was on the topic, maybe he should have his shinobis leak rumors regarding crayon-flavored ramen as well as trash-flavored ramen recipes that were said to be in Mizukage's possession.

After all, expectant mothers sometimes had the strangest cravings.

_**Wasn't above all crisis and challenges and above all,**_

Minato looked at the newcomer right in front of him, turned his head toward the direction where the gigantic Kyuubi that razed his village was supposed to be.

It wasn't there, as if it had vanished just like that. However, the tell-tale destruction wreaked upon the surrounding bore proof that the mighty tailed-beast was there.

Minato slowly turned his head back at the newcomer and blinked. It was a fox all right, with two tails swishing around, as if alarmed by its sudden appearance in front of him. Despite the fox's reaction, he found himself becoming wary. Dealing with megatons of destruction engine capable of leveling Konoha with a swipe of its nine mighty tails? There's a SOP written for that by the first Hokage even though it only mentioned about binding the damned thing with Mokuton, rinse and repeat until it was defeated. But how to handle a weapon-grade cuteness? That was something else altogether.

Minato blinked.

He got a blink in response.

Minato blinked twice.

The newcomer blinked twice as well.

"Um..."

The thing raised its gloved hand in salutation. "Hello. I'm Tails."

_**A Hokage wasn't above screwing up.**_

"Shit"

* * *

**Author's Note**

1. This story is loosely (very loosely ) inspired by Nin tech by Irritus185

2. The Ultraman Mask was inspired by Another Fistful Of Omake, Chapter 1 by Greylle.

3. Well, we have some fics where a Shinigami, demon, angel, Madara, Shodaime, another powerful being, etc was sealed in Naruto. So why not have a weak one (in relative to the other beings) being sealed instead. But, not much would be said about Sonic the Hedgehog world so I don't really think this story is a proper C/O

4. I've read some stories regarding Hokage's paperwork and the use of Kage Bunshin to deal with it (or why Kage Bunshin couldn't be used to solve it). I've also read some fics where the paperwork multiplied out of nowhere or how it was Hokage's most reviled enemy. Extrapolating those ideas, I got the idea that the use of paperwork jutsu as part of a terror attack (Orochi being the terrorist). But before someone start to mention it to me, I might as well declare that the idea is neither novel as I'm not claiming that I'm the first to come out with the idea as someone else might already did (but I didn't read his or her fic) nor the context in which the attack was carried out to be taken seriously (it's a humor one-shot, not an epic)

5. **Please take note : **This is a crack fic. Any loophole, weiredness, OOC inside this story is intended.


	2. Early Days

Hiruzen Sarutobi took a long pull from his pipe as he sat at Hokage's seat overlooking the village. The fact that what used to be his office only had a half crumbling wall left with rest as well as the roof blown away didn't really bother him as his mind was preoccupied with what had happened just a few hours before.

Something went wrong with Kushina's childbirth and Kyuubi which was sealed inside her broke free and rampaged through the village until Minato appeared with Gamabunta and teleported the bijuu away. When he and his guards managed to arrive at the general area where Minato teleported, he saw dead Minato and Kushina in a crying baby clasped protectively between the two of them.

With his successor dead and martial law had to be announced in order to ensure order, Sarutobi found himself having to assume the position of Hokage once more even though he was weary of the position. After all, anyone would get arthritis when they had to spend a lot of time stamping papers over and over again like a humanoid stamping machine.

Wait. How did that stack of documents got by his notice? He thought that there were only five stacks instead of six. How the documents survived unscathed even though the office itself was in shambles?

Damn it. It was too much for him to handle at that moment so Sarutobi summoned his guard and ordered for Konoha Emergency Council to convene. The future of Konoha had to be decided immediately.

Meanwhile what used to be six stacks became six and a half while his attention was turned away.

-ToN-

-ToN-

"Ladies and gentlemen, I have an announcement to make regarding this child," Sarutobi said while gesturing toward the newborn child with a small tuft of blonde hair on his head.

"Hokage-sama, is that the..." a council member began asking.

Sarutobi nodded, steeling himself for what would be an intense debate session.

"I knew it!" the council member shrieked before turning toward his colleague. "I told you that the child belongs to our great Minato-sama and Kushina-sama, Council Member B, but you wouldn't listen! Even if we don't take into account that the two of them were close together since Academy even until today, Kushina-sama was expecting a baby and Minato-sama was caught looking at baby clothing often these last three months, everyone should know about the name of the village's leader's official wife as well as any unofficial mistress. This is a shinobi village."

"How should I know, Council Member A," Council Member B protested. "After all, whenever the village is, I don't know, half-destroyed, wouldn't the current reigning leader hold a meeting to focus solely on rescue efforts as well as subsequent reconstruction instead of announcing possible child of the two heroes?"

Sarutobi coughed, getting everyone's attention. "Um... I called this meeting to tell you that this orphan child, whose parentage is a secret, is the new Jinchuuriki of Kyuubi. His status is classified as S-Rank secret." He looked at everyone sternly. "Everyone caught breaking this rule will be punishable by death."

The atmosphere inside the room became so quiet that you could have heard a kunai drop. Of course, the kunai would make a loud metallic noise when it came into contact with a hard ground but to hear the sound of it dropping? An absolute silence was required. But such atmosphere was expected by Sarutobi as the young child's status became known to them. Damn it, he swore while gripping his hands tightly. They would certainly blame the child for the destruction of Konoha even though it wasn't his fault.

Then another council member raised her hand. "Hokage-sama?"

"Yes, Council Member C?"

"If it's an S-Rank secret, why must you tell everyone inside this room about the secret? After all, a secret is a secret because it wasn't supposed to be known, right?"

"Err..."

"If it's important that you tell the matter to somebody else despite it being secret, you can just tell your trusted commanders or the the shinobi leaders without telling the rest of us. I am a civilian and just a representative of Konoha Vegetable Farmers and Sellers Association so I don't think I have the necessary clearance to know about this secret."

"I'm representing the candy makers and we're only here to ensure that candy wouldn't be outlawed even though it can cause tooth cavities," another council member added.

"Anyway," Sarutobi said, completely ignoring what the two council members had said, "I would like to maintain that Naruto himself is not the Kyuubi but the container in which the Kyuubi was sealed into by Yondaime."

He didn't say anything while waiting for everyone's response.

"So," the Council Member A began again, "The Kyuubi, the nine-tails engine of doom was sealed into the baby by Yondaime?"

"Yes," Sarutobi answered with a very heavy heart.

"Doesn't that make the baby a freaking hero for saving all of us? Shouldn't we hold a parade or a celebration for him every year during his birthday? Maybe set aside some fund for his studies or build a big mansion..."

"As I said earlier, Naruto status as the Jinchuuriki is classified as S-Rank secret as I want him to have a normal life."

"Oh, sorry. My bad."

The room became quiet once more.

"Naruto is not Kyuubi," Sarutobi maintained.

The lull of silence continued for another few minutes.

"Oh, I get it," another person, Council Member D finally said, breaking the silence while putting her fist on her hand in a typical Konoha's expression of realization. She shrugged when she noticed questioning look from other council members. "You have to look underneath the underneath." She then turned toward Sarutobi. "I demand you kill that demon even though I know that the baby is just a container for it and even though technically I have no power to make any demand as well as compel you to follow it."

"We must kill the baby!" another one, added. "And then when the adorable and cute little thing dies, the sealed demon inside it would be released and will tear through our village once more."

"Yeah, and then my association can raise the insurance premiums once more as well as introduce new insurance products that focus on bijuu-related disasters." There was no mistaking that the council member belonged to the Konoha's Insurers Guild.

"Of course, since the last attack was unexpected, we're unable to record it. But this time, we'll have at least ten crews ready to film the resulting rampage. Say goodbye to a sweaty guy in a hot and stuffy rubber suit for Kaijuu films." The remark was made by a representative from Konohawood Film Producers Association.

"Read the atmosphere, you two dolts!" another chastised the two members before turning toward Hokage. "Hokage-sama, I demand justice! The Kyuubi had eaten that wretched Adolfus who was planning to make my sweet and innocent daughter his newest sexual conquest, so Kyuubi must not be left alive or justice will not be served."

"I believe that everyone's inside this room have their beloved killed by Kyuubi," Fugaku Uchiha, the clan head of the said clan made his statement, the first one from the shinobi part of the council. "Why, my clan had lost our most talented Kunoichi of the current generation, Mari Tsu Uchiha fighting against that monster."

Everyone nodded in sympathy. Having a face carved from the mold of a goddess' own, body a model would kill for and silken black blue hair with bounciness and softness the Hyuuga clan could ever dream of ever achieving, Mari had a very kind and endearing personality that appeals to everyone. But behind that serene and peaceful demeanour, Mari was a perfect kunoichi. A prodigy beyond prodigies, she managed to graduate from the Academy at the age of 6 with her Sharingan eyes activated, became a Chunin at the age of 9 and attained Jonin at the age of merely 10. Tests conducted on her before the Jonin examination revealed that she had the chakra pool on par with a Kage, a control on par with Tsunade and intelligence on par with Shikaku Nara, but minus the laziness. It was said that she alone had found the secret of awaking the Eternal Magenkyo without having to pay the extreme requirements needed simply by the sheer force of her own will power.

It was a great loss to Uchiha Clan and Konoha when she was stepped on by Kyuubi while in the middle of performing her ultimate jutsu that would have killed it. To add insult to the injury, the demon had stopped to scrape her off its feet before continuing on its rampage.

"That's why we must kill the demon!" Council Member D insisted.

"We cannot risk Kyuubi escaping again," a new face, Council Member E was hesitant to add his opinion but was compelled to do so for the sake of his village and his own skin. But after saying the first sentence and seeing the look of agreement from other Council Members, he began to get bolder. "That's why we must get rid of the container so that we can destroy it for good!"

"The seal devised by Yondaime to seal Kyuubi had been examined by me as well as Jiraiya along with other seal masters and had been determined that it will hold the beast inside it. Therefore, I will not tolerate any demand to kill Naruto and any attempt to harm him will also be dealt with extreme prejudice!" Sarutobi said while slamming his hand on the council table and breaking it with the force of his blow, forcefully ending the discussion of the matter."

"So, that leaves the question of what to do regarding the baby," Shikaku drawled. "Does the baby have any relative left?"

"No. His parents died in the attack and he had no other family," the Hokage replied as he slowly tried to pull his hand which had gotten stuck in the middle of the table's wreckage; if he wasn't careful, he might get some splinters under his skin; to remove them would be time-consuming and annoying.

"Hm... Strange that we don't know who the parents were but we do know that the baby has no other living relatives. But let's focus on the more important matter as we have to discuss about how to care for him." Aburame Shibi suggested.

"Perhaps one of the clans could adopt it," Tsume suggested.

Shikaku yawned loudly. "Sorry about that," he apologised rather insincerely. "Regarding the adoption by a clan suggestion, I have a problem with that."

"What is it?" Sarutobi asked.

"As everyone civilians are unsuitable to take care of him due to various reasons, security being one of them. That leaves adoption by a clan as one of the options. The problem is," Shikaku stopped. "Does he has a name, Hokage-sama?"

"Naruto. Uzumaki Naruto."

"So ignoring that the last Uzumaki in the village was Kushina and the blonde hair Fishcake has, I believe that the problem is most of the clans would like to adopt him," the head of Nara clan said as gesturing toward the group of shinobis assembled. "I apologise in advance for talking as if Naruto is a thing instead of human being but to us taking him into our respective clan's protection means the clan's power will increase and subsequently so will its prestige."

"Shikaku has a point," Fugaku Uchiha, arms crossed agreed while nodding his head. "The truth is that such a move will create an unnecessary tension between the clans."

"You don't believe other clans despite being part of Konoha?" Inoichi Yamanaka, who had just appointed as clan's head the day due to his predecessor's death in the Kyuubi attack demanded. Being young and very idealistic, he had come to council with a very strong conviction to do everything that he could to contribute to the village's betterment.

"Fugaku said the exact thing I was thinking,"

Inoichi turned toward his close friend with a betrayed look on his face. "Shikaku!"

"It's not the matter of whether we trust each other or not but instead we shouldn't even create a situation where we may end up being suspicious of each other."

While the debate was raging on between the shinobi representatives, Council Member C sighed and brought out a knitting kit. It looked she was going to be stuck there for a long, long time as usual. She was going to propose a motion to increase assistance to the vegetable farmers affected by the Kyuubi attack in the current session but from the way the discussion was going on, she was certain that she wouldn't get the chance as there were still a lot of things on agenda that has yet to be covered.

The thing was, couldn't the Council be split into two parts, the one involving civil administration while the other deal with the military part? It wasn't as if she and the rest of the civilians had any power involving security matters so why should she waste her time being present? Sure, the representatives from Konoha's Insurers Guild and Konohawood Film Producers Association as well as the Fast Food Restaurateurs' representative may be interested 'to be in the know' but they were a minority, judging from the expression on the rest of the civilian representatives.

The one next next to her was even stifling his yawn.

She would have complained about the situation to him, but to do so in the room full of people who could use their chakra to enhance their hearings, it would amount to political and potentially literal suicide.

Regarding the Jinchuuriki, she was rather ambivalent. Sure, her close family was safe but she had lost some close relatives to Kyuubi. But that was that, and not the baby. Even if she could summon enough hate to attempt harm on the baby, she would risk unleashing Kyuubi on the village once more, something the village didn't need. Because of that same reason, she was sure that Hokage-sama would assign a squad of ANBU or two to guard over the child at all time. So, attempting to do something him would be to her detriment.

On the other hand, even though Council Member A was right about the boy being a hero, it wasn't as if she could do anything. After all, if she started treating the baby as a hero, when the baby grew up to become a young boy, surely he would want to know the reason why he was being treated as a hero, right? But the problem was she couldn't reveal anything, not unless she wanted to be sentenced to death for breaking the newly instated law regarding his status as the jailor of Kyuubi.

It would be on her conscience but the correct action to take regarding the boy would be not to take any action at all and pretend as if he didn't exist. Again, she would be risking her life, but the others had to be told as well, lest they accidentally break the law either by trying to harm the boy by forming a mob full of drunken men to attack the boy or trying to treat him as a hero.

She really didn't understand the situation; maybe it was the underneath the underneath thing the shinobis like to say so much. Oh well, she could take refuge in the fact that she didn't really have any connection to the boy.

Council Member C had progressed on her knitting quite significantly when the decision to put the baby under the care of specially screened caretakers who will be changed every six months in order to prevent any attachment from forming. At the same time, ANBU squads would be posted to monitor the boy at all time to prevent any possible unwanted accidents. As if it wasn't the obvious choice to make in the first place and they had to waste hours debating about it.

There was one time where Danzo-sama had proposed that 'the Jinchuuriki' be turned into a weapon for Konoha to use against her enemies but Hokage had shot it down. Being a civilian, Council Member C didn't really understand why they should be arguing and shouting at each other and a few more Shinobi elders for a good half an hour. Being raised by shinobis, it was almost certain that the boy would become one as well so what was all the fuss about? After all, a Konohan shinobi is considered as the village's weapon, right?

-ToN-

-ToN-

Four years passed peacefully (by shinobi standard) and a young shinobi by the name of Sato put the white mask on his face excitedly. It was Sato's dream to become an ANBU and with an ANBU mask on his face, he couldn't help grinning like an idiot. He knew that the mask didn't confer any power or speed enhancement, and any effect he would feel was due to auto-suggestion on his part, mixed with the euphoria but Sato twice as strong; he felt as if he could produce five kage-bunshins, or maybe that's too optimistic even for him, make it two kage bunshins.

As he executed the required seals to shunshin to the briefing room, he wondered about his upcoming first mission. Maybe an assassination under the cover of the night; that would be up in ANBU's alley.

While Konoha do accept missions that involve attacking the enemy in the broad daylight, it carefully vetted out such missions so that their success would contribute to the village's name. You want handsome shinobis and drop-dead beautiful kunoichis take down ugly, fat and greedy villains? You get Konoha. You want to become a despot that oppresses everyone with your power while killing babies and kicking puppies? You can go somewhere else.

Sato wasn't sure what the marketing department was smoking to come up with such plan but it seemed to be working as Konoha did enjoy better image name compared to, say, Kiri or even its ally Sunagakure. Besides, any oppressive despot will face insurrections attempts and the rebel leaders would inevitably seek out the 'good ninjas'. Sure, the mission pay would be lower since the rebels wouldn't have resources similar to the despot but if they managed to overthrow the despot, Konoha's prestige would be increased as well as establish a long term working relationship with the new administration.

But Konoha did accept 'black missions' such as assassination or sabotage missions. After all, while those fat, lazy but more importantly rich but power hungry nobles want to grab the clan position or prevent usurpation, they were too coward to fight their own battles; it's not they're able to do so, being so coddled by their lifestyle. So, for them, there's the ANBU option. Not as glamorous and popular as the normal Jounins, but Sato would settle for not having a bounty on his head and being able to pretend that he was a normal Chunin when off-duty.

Besides, the mask rocks!

When his shunshin dissipated, Sato had to do a double take since it looked like he appeared in the wrong room. There were shinobis and kunoichis seated inside the room, but they weren't wearing any ANBU mask or vest. And all of them were staring at him.

Realising that he had screwed up, Sato wondered how he was going to make an exit without making a fool of himself.

Then one kunoichi stood up.

"All right, the winners who bet that the 'Chameleon' guy would turn up in full, and wearing the Aardvark mask, please collect your winnings."

The terse aura inside the room disappeared immediately as few people got up to kunoichi while the others were moaning, complaining and other things that sore losers do.

"Wha?" Sato uttered in confusion.

A shinobi took pity at the situation and approached him. "It's stated in the rules that we only have to wear the full gear on mission, so we normally go to briefing first and then put on our uniform. It's more comfortable that way" Despite that, the shinobi couldn't help grinning. "Yeah, I know that 'I'm powerful' feeling you're experiencing right now. Heck, I wore my ANBU gear throughout the first week, even while bathing and sleeping. Juichi's, the name, though at work I go by the Otter mask."

"Sato," he introduced himself as he removed the mask on his face. With everyone without any mask on, it would make him looked moronic to have a mask on, a mask not even his to begin with. "So, this is part of the famous ANBU 'hazing' tradition I've heard about?"

"Hazing?" the other man laughed. "We only replaced your mask and bet on the outcome just for fun, but that's it. When you enter ANBU, you're one of us. We don't need to do any hazing to the juniors just to create some bond. Here, the principle is when there's suffering, everyone suffer together."

"Wow. That sounds so idealistic. I'm glad I enter ANBU."

The other man rolled his eyes but didn't say anything. Sato would have to learn the harsh truth by his own, just like what he and the others did. It was part of the tradition, after all.

'Ryu', the current ANBU Captain arrived 10 minutes later. "At ease, people," he ordered while gesturing them to sit down. He gave everyone a cursory look, his eyes lingered on Sato just a second longer before turning to regard the map of Konoha.

"People, I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we're going suffer together. The bad news is, Hokage-sama, in his infinite wisdom has assigned us a S-Rank."

Immediately groans and moans broke out in the room.

"He lets us behave like children?" Sato questioned Juichi in a whisper.

"Well, the more powerful you are, the crazier you become, that's an accepted fact of life for us. The higher ups have no problem with this little thing as long as we shut up and put up with the mission when it really starts." Juichi whispered back.

"Indeed, 'Otter'," 'Ryu' said in agreement with Juichi despite the latter's whispering. "As all of you know, ANBU is the premier service for Konoha shinobis. We go in silently, we do our job, we got out and nobody's the wiser. As such, Hokage-sama finds it important that we have exposure to various missions and objective."

"Sir," a kunoichi who's marking on her face showed that she was from the Inuzuka clan interrupted. "Permission to speak freely."

"Go on."

"Since everyone, except 'Chameleon', knows that we're going to be screwed today, why don't we just go into the details and skip the fluff?"

Despite the kunoichi's rather crass interruption, 'Ryu' chuckled. "Don't want me have fun raising the new guy's hope, do you? Meanie." Nevertheless, he continued with his briefing, "One of the typical missions that we get is target apprehending. The mission will start at 08:00 hours and we will have exactly six hours to capture our target. It's a no-mask."

"No-mask?" someone called out in alarm. "Don't tell me it's that mission."

Ignoring the outburst, 'Ryu' held up a large photograph. "Your task is to capture this boy, Uzumaki Naruto, unharmed, without any use of offensive ninjutsu, genjutsu or dangerous weapons and traps."

Sato narrowed his eyes at the photo of a four year-old boy with bright blonde hair with markings on his face. Ah, the jinchuuriki.

"That's not fair!" someone shouted. "It's all of us against him!"

"Yeah," Sato added to the man's argument despite not meaning to. But really, unleashing the whole ANBU to capture the young boy! "He's just a five years old, and all of us are ganging up to capture him is not fair. It would be too easy that it's not even funny."

Once more, Sato became the focus of everyone's stare, this time of amazement.

"Let me get this straight," the shinobi that shouted that the mission was unfair asked him slowly, "both of us are agreeing with the fact that the situation is unfair because we will be outnumbered, right?"

"Wha?" Sato asked back, confused. "The mission isn't difficult at all. Sure, he's, um... how do I say this, special but he's still a kid. All we need to do is shunshin next to the boy and grab him, and boom! An S-Rank pay divided among us equally."

The whole room erupted into raucous laughter, with 'Ryu' even smiling while shaking his head in amusement. Unlike his predecessors, he personally believed in the principle of letting his troops express their personality whenever possible as a form of coping up with stress and building up the esprit de corps.

Especially since the stress was caused by Hokage. Sure, they would gladly throw their lives to serve the respected leader whenever it was required but that doesn't mean they couldn't complain about whatever crazy idea the old goat has 'in order to further ANBU's training". But as long as everyone in the room pretended not to hear anything disparaging, the Hokage would be more than happy to pretend that everyone was excited about his idea.

What a troublesome day.

Oops, 'Ryu' corrected himself. Until he could find a satisfactory way to ditch his current post, or if it was too tiresome to think of a way, just wait until his tenure was up, he had to maintain his altar persona, the ever ready and full-spirited 'Ryu' or else he would get it from the clan leader. But Shikaku was quite understanding and more prone (pun intended) to understand his viewpoint but everyone in the clan knew that he was the paper tiger. The real one holding the whip was the matriarch of the clan whose ability to nag was said to get the snails and other pests out of her garden. Well, whatever. Maybe he would think about it later, when he's in the mood and have enough energy to do so.

"Hey!" someone called out. "Can't we get the whole ANBU involved in the exercise? After all, one for all and all for one, right?"

"Yeah, that way we can get 'Inu' and his dogs to join," another one added.

"What, you think my dogs and 'Locust's' aren't good enough?" the Inuzuka kunoichi demanded, affronted by the unintended insult on her clan.

"Huh? No, I don't think that way," the one who made the suggestion answered, nervous at his statement being misinterpreted. "I was thinking that the pug and his band of friends could join in the 'fun' as well," he said while making a quotation mark. "After all, it's not fair only yours and Locusts' get involved, right?"

"Hm... You're right."

"Okay, people," 'Ryu' called out everyone's attention toward him. "It would be fun to involve everyone, but the mission is still going to be tomorrow and only everyone here is will be involved. As for 'Inu', he's out on a mission right now, but even if he's in Konoha, well, since he's still young and not so crazy, the shrink gave him a 'get out of jail free card' to anything that could cause him to become crazy prematurely." Ryu held up a hand when he saw someone was about to interject. "Note that I used the word 'prematurely' just now. But the Hokage, being a fair leader that he is, has allowed similar exemption for anyone here who could present the proof that he or she is deemed as clinically sane."

"Don't you mean 'clinically insane'?"

"No, 'clinically sane'."

"Aw, shucks."

"By the way, Captain..."

"The answer's no, 'Ram'. I already considered various plans based on technicalities and haven't found any loop hole in the mission that the Hokage had assigned. So anyone of you having creative ideas such as kidnapping him tonight and then sending someone impersonating him under a henge, just drop it, because it would be Hokage-sama that would lead him to the starting place and would see through your scheme. Hokage-sama also made it pretty clear that any hanky-panky, the whole team will take the fall. Now, since all of us needed to have some rest before tomorrow, let's discuss about our plan of attack."

-ToN-

-ToN-

"What the hell," Sato groaned from his prone position.

The strategy being employed to capture the jinchuuriki was an easy one. The whole group was divided into five teams, three would be chasing him into an ambush by one team with the last team assigned to set up snares, the only trap type permitted for the exercise, all the area. While in concept the strategy was a simple one, the tactics concocted by 'Ryu' was, simply very complex. Plan A up to Plan W had been devised, with jinchuuriki's movement being predicted step by step and were being measured by seconds. Sato had been to a two or three A-ranker and their plannings were nothing compared to the one devised for the training exercise.

The plan was a success and the boy's movement was predicted correctly. Pity predicting his movement didn't translate into his capture.

The boy was fast. Very, very fast.

Only three hours had passed since the training mission began and Sato was already on the ground with barely any energy. He could hear the sounds of pursuit from the distance but his group had already expended all of their collective energy in vain.

"This is why we discontinued the hazing," the Inuzuka who interrupted Ryu's briefing was lying next to him on her back, breathing rapidly. Around her, her dogs were panting with their tongues sticking out; but then again, dogs normally do that. When she heard puzzled sound from Sato, she continued, "What, everyone's ninja there."

Sato would have shrunk in embarrassment, but he was too tired to do so and too tired to care.

"When Hokage-sama started assigning us to capture that Uzumaki brat, we couldn't come up with anything that would beat this humiliating feeling that everyone's experiencing right now."

"Ah, that's what I'm feeling right now. I thought that it's my heart that was trying to burst out of my chest."

"Becoming snarky already," another shinobi not far away laughed before coughing. "You're becoming ANBU-like faster than expected.

Sato took out a soldier pill and considered taking it but decided to rely on his natural recovery instead. It wasn't good to overdose on the stuff and he had already taken two as augmenting his body with chakra to increase his speed as well as performing successive shunshins had been very demanding. "I recall that this mission is a 'no-mask'. Any reason why?"

"Because 'Ryu' requested it so that all of us, including him, will look like idiots."

"Instead of ANBU," the Inuzuka amended. "No one would say anything if ANBU got mowed down fighting against Kyuubi or Hokage-sama, but lose against a kid in playing tag?"

"Where we're 'them' instead of 'it' and still lose?" Sato remarked. "And we have planned for hours with all those strategy and tactics. Wow, I feel a severe blow to my self-esteem. Couldn't someone just throw a mud jutsu at my face right now? Since I've had a large helping of humble pie, an additional mud one wouldn't hurt."

The other two laughed.

"You know," the Inuzuka began, "It is a shame that we can't share this training exercise with others. This kind of mission instill a sense of teamwork as well as other benefits..."

"You just want others to suffer as well, you bitch," the other shinobi pointed out.

"Ha ha ha. You got me," the lone kunoichi admitted, not taking any offense at the word 'bitch' as the usage applied to her as part of the Inuzuka clan and the way the word was said didn't imply any insult on herself. "But still, you have to agree the idea has some merit."

"Maybe we can get a troublesome wild animal and get Hokage-sama assign other shinobis to catch it," Sato mumbled. "That would be a blast."

The other two suddenly stiffened and were quiet for a long time until the kunochi began chuckling evilly and was soon followed by the other.

Sato wouldn't realize it at that time but the creation of infamous 'Capture Tora' mission that would be the bane of other shinobis in Konoha would be credited, or rather discredited as it was negative in nature, to his remark.


	3. A monkey, a toad, a snake and a fox

It was supposed to be a fine day, he thought as his survival instinct propelled his body away from the dangerous mob which was gaining on him despite his frantic efforts to lose them. He was minding his own business as usual when a woman brought a metal bat and started beating him. Even as she hit repeatedly, more and more people joined her until he couldn't take it and managed to escape from the group.

He was innocent and yet he had to deal with such attacks almost daily. What did he do wrong? Was it hard for everyone else to simply leave him alone and him be? Was it so hard to do so? Kami, why did such things happen to him?

Unfortunately, luck wasn't on his side as one of his feet accidentally tripped, sending him crashing into the ground. The mob took the advantage to close the distance and resuming their merciless attack on him.

"Die you demon!" a man roared mercilessly as he rained some punches on the fallen body.

"Asshole!"

"Bastard!"

"You really don't know when to quit living, don't you!" a woman said while throwing rotten eggs.

As the mob continued their brutal assault on the the victim, more and more people gathered to see what was happening but no one nearby raised even a finger to help the beleaguered person.

Not very far the scene, a whiskered blonde boy pulled the hand of his guardian and pointed at the mob with the other hand. "Ne, jiji. Shouldn't we do something to help the poor man?"

His guardian looked at his direction and sighed. "ANBU, report."

An ANBU wearing an otter mask appeared right in front of him in a kneeling position. "Hai, Hokage-sama. Jiraiya-sama was conducting visual surveillance on a restricted section of a nearby sanitation establishment. However, his activity was compromised and the female patrons of the said establishment found out and proceeded to exact vengeance for the travesty committed by Jiraiya sama. Apparently, few of them are married so their husbands too became involved in the altercation."

In short, Jiraiya was peeping at a nearby bathhouse and got discovered. Cue a world of hurt.

"Ne, jiji," the young boy said while tugging even more urgently. "It must have hurt. Someone even step on his pee pee."

"It's okay Naruto. He is a masoch... um... how to say this..."

"They're making a movie," 'Otter' supplied helpfully. Bullshitting was a skill possessed by all shinobi except genins, but even then a few of them were quite talented in it.

"Ah, yes. Thank you, 'Otter'. Come, Naruto. We shouldn't disturb them or the producer will become very angry because we come and ruin their filming."

"Okay."

As the Hokage led the young Naruto away, 'Otter' got up and looked the mob still beating down on the fallen Jiraiya.

Another ANBU shimmered into view on building roof next to him. "I think you left out some of the details."

"I did, and Hokage-sama is aware of that, 'Racoon', it's just that he didn't really want to know about what Jiraiya did. It's just lip service for the kid."

"You think that Jiraiya-sama would learn by now that trying to peek on women bathing is a dangerous thing to do."

"Well, it's for the sake of knowledge and pursuit of pervertedness. And he's probably a masochist, if the stories regarding him being a punching bag for Tsunade-sama is to be believed."

"Indeed."

Without even saying goodbye, 'Otter' disappeared from the view.

-ToN-

-ToN-

Jiraiya was a highly skilled shinobi who had distinguished himself in the previous war but with swollen face as well footprints all over his body, it was hard for anyone who didn't know him to take him seriously. Sarutobi should know, at the sight of his student, he felt like performing a doton jutsu to create a small hole and stick his head inside it. But, for good and for the bad, the frog sannin was his student and he had to accept the reality that Sarutobi Hiruzen is the teacher of the great pervert Jiraiya.

"Hey, you're part of the movie where someone stepped on your pee pee," Naruto uttered as he pointed.

Jiraiya turned toward his teacher. "Movie?"

"Yes, the movie scene this afternoon near the bathhouse where you _acted_ being attacked by a group of people _who are acting as well_. Surely you forgot about that _acting._" The unsaid warning under the tone was very clear but was further punctuated by Sarutobi's stare.

"Ah, right," he turned toward Naruto. "How was it, kid? Do you like my acting?"

"Yeah! But you still have blood coming out of your nose and you have weird look on your face,"

Sarutobi was not a religious person but at that he prayed for the power that be to deliver salvation. As if his prayer was answered, there was a knock at the door. "Come in,"

The door opened and Orochimaru entered the room. "You summoned for me, sensei?" He noticed the bloodied Jiraiya and rolled his eyes. "It's been a while, Jiraiya-chan."

"Teme!"

Before Jiraiya could start an argument, Sarutobi shoved Naruto in the direction of the snake sannin. "You and Naruto should go get some lunch while Jiraiya and I have some discussion. We will join you later."

"Wai! Lunch!" Naruto said while bouncing around happily.

A frown marred Orochimaru's face and he looked at Sarutobi. "Is this why you call me?"

"No, but I need a favor from you to take care of Naruto for the moment."

"Let's go, pale-face," Naruto said as he pulled Orochimaru's hand.

"Pale-face?" the man asked, clearly not amused, not moving at all.

"I'm sorry but I will see you later." Sarutobi promised.

The look that his student gave him was unreadable but then the former turned toward the boy. "Very well, boy. Let's go."

"See you later, jiji," Naruto said as he waved.

Sarutobi smiled as the boy he considered his grandchild left the room with his favorite student.

"Boy, Orochimaru is sure very pissed with you for foisting the boy on him."

"I forgot that that he was due for discussion regarding some research he's conducting." All of his former students caused him headaches and sleepless nights. Unlike Jiraiya with his gallivanting lifestyle and Tsunade with her obsession with alcohol and becoming a sucker for gambling sharks, Orochimaru's case was more worrying. Recent reports that he received seemed to indicate that Orochimaru's research was beginning to move toward a dangerous path. Sure, the sannin have yet do no wrong but he had acquired very specialised equipments to conduct biological experiments and he wanted to meet him to ascertain the function of those said equipments.

"Well, not my fault. I also came here at the appointed time."

"The fault's mine, unfortunately." Sarutobi gestured toward Jiraiya. "They broke your nose?" he asked

"No," Jiraiya replied as he wiped the blood that was still flowing out his nose with a handkerchief with toad motives all over it. "I got this when the women started to kick me."

"You know, I have taught you better than this. Couldn't you at least not get caught while peeping so that everyone can pretend that you're not up to no good? You youngsters always think that you're better than your elders but yet your actions prove otherwise"

Jiraiya shook his head. "Sensei, this is exactly why the new generation will always be better than the old one. Do you really think that the great Jiraiya of the Mount Myoboku wouldn't make noble sacrifice for the sake of art?"

"Getting your 'pee pee' stomped is not something to be called great," Sarutobi said drolly.

"Ah, that could easily be healed. But even as they rain hell on me, I saw glimpse of heavens!"

"Glimpse of heavens?"

Jiraiya grinned. "What do you think will happen when a woman who just came up from a bathhouse wearing a yukata tries to kick or stomp someone on the ground?"

A jet of blood burst out of Sarutobi's nose and he was thrown toward the wall by the resulting counterforce.

Meanwhile blood began dripping from the ceiling of the office from different spots as the ANBUs on guard were also knocked unconscious by their imagining what Jiraiya saw.

Putting hands on his hips as he stood over his unconscious mentor, Jiraiya laughed. "I think so too."

A blood quick blood transfusion later and Sarutobi had recovered from his imagination-induced anemia. What amazed Jiraiya was the fact that his sensei didn't get a single drop of blood on his person despite the copious amount he had unleashed. Maybe when he got the time he should ask about how his sensei managed to do that. But onto more important things, "So, I got here as fast as I could. What's up?"

"The ceiling and the ANBUs. ANBU, leaves us alone and activate the privacy seal."

Five seconds later, Jiraiya felt the tingle sensation in his body, signifying that the jutsu had been activated and the two of them were left alone. "You get them to do the seal?"

"Why should I do it when I have them? Besides, I have to conserve my energy."

"For what?"

"For the jutsu I'm about to show you." Sarutobi began making performing hand seals.

Rat - Ox - Tiger - Hare - Dragon - Serpent - Horse - Ram - Monkey - Bird - Dog - Hog - Rat - Ox - Tiger - Hare - Dragon - Serpent - Horse - Ram - Monkey - Bird - Dog - Hog - Rat - Ox - Tiger - Hare - Dragon - Serpent - Horse - Ram - Monkey - Bird - Dog - Hog...

"What the heck! The sequence is so long and you just perform all the the twelve hand seals and repeat it..."

"Katsu!"

"_Have you prepared the report, 'Usagi'.?" Sarutobi asked the ANBU with rabbit's mask in front of him. Actually, it was still the same ANBU leader from the Nara clan that used to wear the dragon mask but the man had put in the request to change the official ANBU team leader mask from dragon to ryu. When asked for reasoning, the man simply answered that even though rabbits could multiply fast, they would still be no match for a single fox. Thinking that the mask change was penance for ANBU's inability to stop Kyuubi's attack more than four years ago, the request was permitted. _

_ANBU's repeated failure to catch Naruto in the game of tag probably didn't have to do with request._

"_Let's see it." _

"_Hai," 'Usagi' said while putting the report on the desk respectfully. _

_Sarutobi took the report and began the read it. While he didn't think Naruto as a living weapon that needed to be leashed, he wasn't that foolish to simply let the young boy's life went unsupervised. _

_Despite his gag order, Naruto's status as a jinchuuriki was known by the majority of the Konoha population though there had been no incident of his status being leaked out to the younger generation. While some people harbored grudge against the young child, the threat of death punishment was more than enough to deter them. That, as well the controlled leak of information about Naruto's death would trigger the release of Kyuubi. So, no one sane would attack Naruto with the exception of Konoha's enemy. _

_However, that didn't prevent them from isolating him._

_Because of that, the young boy had no childhood friend, with parents quickly telling their children to go home whenever he wander around the park and the shopkeepers quickly pretending not to notice him or pretending to be very busy whenever he came to the store. Of course, whenever a shinobi was nearby, they suddenly notice him or had plenty of time to attend to him but that didn't happen all the time and the young boy had noticed discrepancy in the situations and as a result didn't really venture out to the village area with the exception of Ichiraku Ramen. Despite the boy's circumstance, the owner didn't seem to care and treated him normally, something that Sarutobi was grateful._

_But one stall was nothing compared to the whole of Konoha. _

_Naruto's isolation brought to an interesting discovery as numerous ANBU sentries saw him talking to an imaginary friend. While such a thing was a normal occurrence in a young child as he or she wouldn't be able to distinguish between reality and imagination, Naruto was a special child. Sarutobi believed in Minato's seal but there was still a chance that Naruto was talking to Kyuubi instead of a little pony or a bear that care or a purple dinosaur. _

_Periodical check up had been carried out by resident Konoha seal experts while the boy was sleeping or in few cases properly sedated. While the checks reveal that nothing would cause alarms, a lot of inconsistencies had been documented. For one, Naruto's developing chakra pool was developing at four times the rate of a normal child but that wasn't expected in a jinchuuriki: the normal rate was at least ten times. Believing that Naruto's chakra pool was damaged, Sarutobi had summoned Hiashi to check the boy's chakra pathways. The check turned out pretty normal with no trace of Kyuubi's chakra found leaking even though Hiashi observed that the chakra surrounding the seal area was green in color, suggesting that the chakra originating from the seal was probably yellow in nature. _

_No blood orange chakra that was expected. _

_There was also the issue of the effect of being a Jinchuuriki on Naruto's psyche. While he exhibit signs of having a higher rate of healing, it was significantly lesser than Kushina's that the healing ability was attributed to Naruto being a half Uzumaki instead of being Kyuubi's jailor. Another unexplainable trait, though in not a very negative was Naruto developing an unnatural speed when he was two years old, outpacing the fastest civilian athlete in the village, necessitating full employment of shinobi, normally chuunin and above but there was a genin group that was given a field promotion for getting Naruto take his night bath a month straight. The secret? Using Ichiraku as a bribe. Such a despicable and low-handed tactic used on an unsuspecting boy. _

_Hence, the reason for the promotion. _

_While the examinations were supposed to quell his concern, they didn't, not after what he saw the boy did during the visit. The boy excitedly told him that his invisible friend told him that there was a gold ring nearby and the boy should collect it because it could protect him. Also, if enough rings were collected, he and his friend would be able to access the Special Stages. Sarutobi was quite content to indulge in Naruto's fantasy until the boy grabbed something in the air and a large gold ring appeared for two seconds with a twinkling sound before it disappeared once more into the thin air. When asked, the boy said that it had disappeared into an alternate dimension and he had collected 27 of such rings. _

_A near 5-years old boy may talk and play with an invisible friend but it was unnatural thing to create a ring out of air and send the thing to alternate dimension. _

_Breathing fire without hurting one's mouth? Causing a widespread damage through a sequence of hand seals? Summoning a super bijuu? Normal. What the boy did? Unnatural. _

_However, despite being known as 'The Professor' or 'God of Shinobi', Sarutobi had an intermediate knowledge in fuuinjutsu compared to Jiraiya. Hence, he had to summon the toad sannin to have another look at Naruto's seal as well ascertain what was going on with Naruto. _

"Whoa!" Jiraiya said while blinking his eyes as whatever his former sensei executed wore off. "What kind of jutsu did you do just now? It was as if I was going through your memory."

"It's a D-rank genjutsu I acquired recently."

"Must be a new one. Never seen it before. Why a D-rank though? I mean, to produce such a powerful effect, the genjutsu would require very precise chakra control as well as a large source of energy to do so that I imagine you consigned it to 'forbidden' status"

Sarutobi shook his head. "Even though it's supposed to be forbidden, a lot of people is doing it a lot these days that I really don't see the point of trying to halt it."

"Hey, I notice that you didn't shout the jutsu's name right now. How are people supposed to know what jutsu you will use if you don't shout it's name?"

"The name of the jutsu is Fura shu baku no jutsu"

"Fura shu ... flash... baku... back... What the hell?" Jiraiya said while hitting Sarutobi's head with a folded paper fan, making a loud smacking sound as he did so. "Why are you making me play the tsukkomi role?" he complained, referring to the manzai comedy tradition where one comedian would play the role of 'boke', making airhead statements that could be turned into jokes. The other comedian, one playing the 'tsukkomi' or straight man would then point out on the mistakes the boke made while hitting his head with a paper fan.

"You shouldn't talk, Jiraiya-chan, forcing everyone else to become tsukkomi for your boke for decades."

"Yeah, yeah. Drag the skeleton out of the closet, wouldn't you? Besides, what's up with the Flashback no jutsu? Couldn't you go and perform the 'Seterei to da poin-to no jutsu, No bushi-to no jutsu or the Kato da kera-po no jutsu instead?"

Sarutobi shrugged. "The jutsu seems to be popular these days and everyone seem to be using it because it seems like an easy thing to write..."

"Breaking the fourth wall there..." Jiraiya warned.

"Sorry, perform, easy jutsu to perform even though it is actually quite difficult to get it right."

"Damn right. Next time just use the normal methods. Even you suck with the Fura shu baku no jutsu and you're the God of Shinobi"

Sarutobi winced.

"Okay, role reversal aside, you call me back to check on Naruto's seal because you're worried that the fox is influencing him?

"Coincidentally, his invisible friend's name is Tails."

"And Kyuubi has more than one tails. Okay, I get the gist of it."

"There's one other thing that concerned me."

"Which is?"

Rat - Ox - Tiger - Hare - Dragon - Serpent - Horse - Ram - Monkey - Bird - Dog - Hog - Rat...

"Hold it!" Jiraiya said while physically stopping Sarutobi in the middle of the latter's hand seal sequence with his hand. "No performing that jutsu, remember? Just tell me verbatim."

Only 12 years old and below looked really cute when they pout. Of course, exemption could be given to beautiful girls and women as well. But a pout on a wrinkled old man's face? Ugly. Simply ugliness.

-ToN-

-ToN-

Being single, Yoshida Sanuki didn't lose any family member in the Kyuubi attack. However, that didn't mean he didn't hold any grudge against the demon. The demon had sneezed in the direction of his store in the middle of its rampage, resulting in phlegm covering the store which in turn caused it to be condemned and had to be destroyed. To make it worse, he had skimped on the 'destruction by bijuu' supplementary policy, believing that the insurance agent selling the policy to him was trying to weasel more money from him. It was a bad decision in hindsight because he had to use his own money to demolish, cleanup and subsequently rebuilt his shop. It was indeed a cursed day when the cause for his shop having to be demolished came as its customer.

Yoshida was tempted to tell the demon to go away from his store, but there was that not so little problem that was standing next to him by the name of Orochimaru. He was sure that if he made any threatening gestures toward the boy, his life would be forfeit, either by the sannin's hand or the ANBU agent which was rumored to follow the demon child anywhere he went.

"I don't want to eat here!" the brat said while jumping up and down.

Yoshida found himself agreeing despite the situation; he also didn't want the demon to eat at his stall.

"I am the one who'll be paying so you have to accept my decision, Naruto-kun and I feel like eating udon today."

Damn that sannin! Couldn't he just cave in the demon's request and just leave already?

"But! but! I heard that this place serves," the demon put a finger under his chin thoughtfully, "a slob called udon."

Wait. Slob? Slob called udon?

Yoshida saw that Orochimaru was considering the boy's argument and while a few seconds before he would be happy with the reaction, but at that time the udon shop proprietor was feeling a severe blow at his pride as an udon chef. If the demon brat didn't want to go to _the _Sanuki Udon, that meant the udon that he served was not good even for a demon.

But to serve the food to the demon brat...

"Besides, Teuchi-jiji is can cook waaaaayyyyy better," Naruto said while making a circle as big as he could with his outstretched arms.

Then the demon had to mention his nemesis and sang praise of him, saying that the idiot really know how to cook compared to him! Him! Yoshida, Yoshida Sanuki, the expert chef in udon! Being compared with the sad excuse of a ramen peddler Teuchi! The thief who stole the heart of The Fairy of The Kitchen, Yusae, with his measly miso ramen and marrying her! That man!

Personal feelings regarding the demon could go to hell as far as Yoshida was concerned. His grudge, his professional pride and name would not suffer any slight, even by the demon. He would prove that it was wrong!

"Why don't you try a bowl?" Yoshida offered. "Since it is your first time eating udon, the first one will be free on the house,"

The man blinked, and the next time he opened his eyes, the demon was already seated.

"Yay, free!"

"Indeed, Naruto-kun," Orochimaru said as he took his seat. "Of course, my bowl is also free as well, since it's the first one?" he said while smirking at the man.

Damn. He thought that Jiraiya-sama and Tsunade-sama were cheapskates; apparently Orochimaru was one as well. Heck, the reason behind them being known as Densetsu no Sannin was probably due them being stingy. Legendary cheapskates. "Of course," Yoshida said, consigning himself some loss _serving _the demon and his cheap guardian. But if he had to serve the two of them courteously in order to show that his udon was more delicious than that reject Teuchi served as ramen, he would do it. "So, what will you have, honored customers?"

"Wakame," Orochimaru or Oro-cheap-maru as Yoshida silently called him answered, asking for udon topped with green sea vegetable. "How about you, Naruto-kun?"

The demon squinted his eyes at the menu board, probably trying to will it to burn or cause it to explode or something. "You put fox meat inside the kitsune udon?"

Figures. The demon was trying to find reason to attack him by claiming that he put kitsune meat into kitsune udon but Yoshida would face the challenge head on. "No. It contains deep-fried tofu pockets, which is Inari-sama and kitsune's favorite food."

"Strange, when I order beef ramen, the ramen normally contains beef, not because beef would like to eat it."

"Beef is the flesh you get from a cow or a bull, Naruto-kun." Orochimaru said.

"Ooh." Naruto pointed toward the menu. "Okay, though kitsune udon doesn't contain any fox meat, I'll have it,"

Great. The demon was despicable, wanting to engage in cannibalism and eat its own kind even though there were a lot of human around that would make more tantalizing meal. "As you ordered."

-ToN-

-ToN-

Orochimaru was really, in Jiraiya's words, pissed. How much more must Sarutobi trampled on his self worth? He had dropped everything he was doing when he received the summon from Hokage and rushed to the tower and how did the old fool reward him? Making him a baby sitter for a jinchuuriki. A mere peon! Him, one of the legendary sannins!

"Do you need to go to the toilet?" Naruto's voice broke him out of his train of thought.

"No,"

"But your face looks as if you are conspiring."

"Constipating," Orochimaru corrected.

"Yeah. That. It's not good to hold it in. When I did it the last time, I have stomach ache." Naruto was about to say something when the chef came with their respective orders. Shooting off a quick 'itadakimass', the boy took a bite off his udon and screamed 'delicious' before continuing to eat his food in the manner that reminded Orochimaru of a young fox kit, sans the tail. Eating his own udon, the snake sannin considered how to turn the current situation to his advantage.

Perhaps he could manipulate the young child sitting next to him to portray him in a better light since Sarutobi sensei had a soft spot for children. How ironic it would be since Naruto was the son of the man that stole away the position of Hokage from him. Hiding his hands away from the view of any nearby ANBU, he executed a series of hand seals that would cast a genjutsu to any nearby people that would cover the conversation that he would have with Naruto.

"Ne, Naruto-kun. Have you decided what will be your specialisation when you become a shinobi?"

The boy turned toward him with questioning look.

"When you become a shinobi, what kind of shinobiwill you be?"

"Oh." The boy turned back to his bowl and took a few bites with gusto before turning back, with strands of udon on his lips. Sucking and swallowing them , he answered. "Donwa."

"Donwa?"

"Don't want to."

What Naruto said threw Orochimaru out of the loop. "You don't want to be a shinobi?"

"No," the answer was a short one followed by a long slurping sound.

"Why?"

"I want to be an inventor."

Inventor? That was something unexpected from the child of two famous shinobis. Danzo would be having massive heart attack should he hear about it. "Why do you want to be an inventor?"

"Because I like to create new things."

Forget Danzo, even Homura and Koharu's would be frothing at their mouths if they heard about the ambition of Kyubi's jinchuuriki. But Orochimaru certainly didn't care about such a little thing. Instead, he could use that information by creating empathy in Naruto. "I also like to invent new things."

Well, it was the truth, in a way. Once he got all the necessary equipments, he would start his research on recreating Shodaime's mokuton abilities on normal people. Of course, since no people would volunteer for such a dangerous experiment, he probably would have to get creative with the selection process.

"Wow! We are similar."

It was so easy to lead the boy that it was pathetic, really. "Yes, and similar people can become friends, right?"

"Yup! So we're friends?"

"Indeed, Naruto-kun, we're friends." Orochimaru waited a few minutes before sighing.

"Why are you sighing?"

"It's okay, Naruto-kun. Maybe you should finish your udon before it gets cold," he said before sighing, this time even louder than before.

"My udon's finished so why don't you tell me. We're friends, right?"

Yes, a 'useful' friend. "You know that I'm a shinobi, right?"

"Em!"

"And the leader of the shinobi is the Hokage, right?"

"Em! That's because he's strong even though he's old, right?"

"I wish I can be the Hokage," Orochimaru said wistfully.

"Why don't you?"

Orochimaru gave a short explanation about the village's politic, impressing on Naruto the fact that in order for him to be chosen as the next Hokage, Sarutobi-sensei would have to nominate him.

"Oh!" Naruto said while nodding after he had finished his explanation.

Simply pathetically easy to manipulate.

"So, if jiji choose you, you will get to wear the funny hat?"

Well, Orochimaru did find wearing the hat embarrassing but it came with the job so it was unavoidable. Still, it really was an ugly hat, no contest there. "Yes."

"Why do you want to be Hokage?"

That was the question Orochimaru was waiting for. "When I become a Hokage, I can protect everyone in the village."

"Can't you protect them now?"

"I can, because I'm one of the legendary sannins."

"Whoa, that's great even though I don't know what sannins are."

"Sannins comprises of two shinobis and a kunoichi who are very strong."

"When you become Hokage, will you suddenly become stronger than you are now?"

"No. I wouldn't suddenly become any stronger. It requires work, after all"

"Is the Hokage the strongest in the village?"

"I personally believe it's not necessarily the case."

Naruto scratched his head. "Then why do you want to become Hokage ?"

The boy was beginning to annoy him but his ego demanded that Orochimaru get through the knucklehead.

"I want to become the Hokage because I want to protect the village. But at the same time, I can have all the resources that I want to conduct my experiments."

"Es-pe-ri-men?"

"Experiment. Research. Study about something new and interesting.". Damn, he had told the brat something he shouldn't hear.

"Oh. Right. Because we're similar."

"Indeed, Naruto-kun."

"So, you want to become Hokage because you want to do experiments?"

"Well, Hokage also have access to a library of shinobi jutsus and techniques that had been passed from the previous hokages." Curses. He had accidentally reveal another reason he wanted to be Hokage to the boy so it would be best for him to make sure to put that in positive light as well.

Arms crossed, the boy nodded, making 'hm' sounds. "I think you don't want to become Hokage," he said confidently.

"Oh? And why do you think I don't want to be Hokage?"

"Because you will be doing the same thing all the time. Every time I visit jiji, he keeps stamping on paper and paper and paper," Naruto said while making the stamping motions. "And I don't see him doing esper...experiments. Also, I think if you like to do something that no one had done before, you shouldn't learn how other people do things. You should do something new."

"Why shouldn't I, Naruto-kun?" Orochimaru's gaze at Naruto was akin a cobra's while stalking its prey.

"Well. You will end up doing the same thing. Maybe a bit different, but still the same thing." Naruto pointed at the empty bowl in front of him. "I wanted to go to Ichiraku because I wanted to eat ramen. Even though I don't want to eat miso ramen, I would probably eat chicken ramen or beef ramen or salt ramen or all of them."

"And?"

"It's still ramen. Even though it's very delicious, it's still ramen. When you tell me that we have to eat here, I was angry. But when I eat this kitsune udon, I found out that it's also delicious! It's my new favorite food along with ramen and maybe I will ask jiji if we can go here as well from time to time. But if we went to Ichiraku, I wouldn't know about kitsune udon!"

In his memoir, Orochimaru would write that never had someone caused his entire viewpoint of life turned upside down. Because of that, he would admit freely that the comment had left him slack jawed with awe.

"Pale-face, can I have three more?"

Nodding absently, Orochimaru questioned himself about what he was doing throughout his life. He had always thought himself as a researcher who stood on the frontier of the shinobi knowledge but Naruto had inadvertently pointed out that he was just a copycat, no more impressive than Kakashi who had earned such a nickname. Sure, the boy's statements had logical holes and he could tore through them with ease but the boy was only approaching five years old and the main premise of his argument was already there.

Since when the field of science only revolved around the shinobi world? Since when improving the speed of manufacturing a kunai was considered more important than improving the overall metallurgy process which could then be applied in other fields?

He had always insulted Jiraiya as a big stupid toad even though he himself was like a toad in a pond, happy about its big world even though there was a much bigger, bigger world out there to explore.

But now, thanks to a child's words, he wouldn't remained trap in that pond any longer. Becoming the ultimate shinobi was no longer a satisfying goal to pursue, not when he could become the ultimate scientist! Yes, ultimate scientist who would learn everything and not be restricted to the shinobi arts. All those equipments that he had acquired would have new purposes.

Orochimaru laughed. And he laughed. And it felt very good. And the proprietor of the udon store began to slowly inching away from him.

When he stopped laughing, Orochimaru was greeted with an unexpected view. "What is this?" he asked he regarded the stacks of empty bowls in front of him.

"Um..." the udon chef said from the edge of kitchen nervously, "Whenever the dem... boy asked whether he can have additional bowls, you keep nodding, so I take it that you allowed him to order more. As for the total price, since a bowl is 40 ryo and the two of you had 24 bowls with 2 bowls on the house plus another 2 free, the total is 800 ryo."

"800 ryo!?" Orochimaru stated incredulously. He ate 23 bowls?"

"23 and half. He also asked your permission to finish your udon."

Indeed, his bowl of udon was cleaned as well. "And where is that little bottomless horror?!" the sannin said as he glanced around.

The udon seller showed a trail of dust cloud that was beginning to settle. "After he had finished all the ingredients, he got up, told you that he will," the chef crinkled his note with distaste, "finish his meal at the Ichiraku Ramen."

Orochimaru would be sure to note in his memoir that the 'con'sulting fee for the advice was quite expensive and he was probably the first victim of Naruto's 'eat and run' attack.

* * *

a

a

* * *

Author's note:

1. I forgot to put in the earlier but as you all know, the respective rights holders own Naruto.

2. As an intended parody, this story makes fun of fanfiction writers (including me), so yes, there's the flashback no jutsu mentioned. Personally I think it's very easy to 'flashback no jutsu' or put a 'flashback' banner or something but it is very **hard **to do it right because it breaks the flow of the story.

3. In case anyone is wondering, the scene at the udon shop contains 18 instance of the word 'demon' when the shop owner was thinking about Naruto. The first one in the first scene doesn't count as the civilian was referring to Jiraiya. Yes, there's a significant of stories that start with a civilian shouting 'die you demon' or a four year old Naruto was running away from a mob of people.


	4. A normal life in an abnormal village

Sarutobi tapped his smoking pipe against the ashtray on his table a few times, getting rid of the fully burned tobacco ash from it. He then refilled the pipe with fresh leaves. Asuma had once chided him for being stupid as he could have smoked cigarettes instead of having to do the laborious chore of cleaning and filling the pipe before he could smoke. Sarutobi ignored the wayward son's comment because it was the latter who was stupid enough to understand that the whole thing was actually a way for him to relax. If doing things fast was good, there would have been no need for tea ceremony, wouldn't it?

And rushing into things was exactly the wrong to do in regards to Naruto. Well, there was the other matter of having some words with Orochimaru but the man had dropped in his office, through the door unlike the self-proclaimed Super Pervert, to tell Sarutobi that he wanted some time off to go on a trip to do an introspection study and wanted to leave his two apprentices under Sarutobi's care. Sarutobi had told him that he was an active shinobi but the man simply rolled his eyes and mentioned the name of his two colleagues, Tsunade and Jiraiya. Even though Jiraiya was working on the auspice of Hokage's office, Tsunade not being present in the active roster was not authorised, and Sarutobi not taking any action against her created a simple legal leeway that Orochimaru used. In the end, the sannin was granted a three months sabbatical to do whatever things that he set up to do. On the positive side, with Orochimaru leaving the village, at least that loose end had been tied up, which left Sarutobi with having to handle Naruto.

It took ten bowls of ramen with some relaxant and sleep inducers added in, but Jiraiya and he managed to get Naruto to sleep and not having to worry the kid waking up in the middle of the examination. Quickly going through the necessary seal motion, Jiraiya provoked the seal on the kid's navel to appear.

Jiraiya's eyes raised slightly as he took in the design of the seal but he remained quiet. Long minutes of silent had passed until Sarutobi couldn't take it anymore and asked the man regarding the seal.

The seal on Naruto was not one of the Dead Demon Consuming Seal.

Jiraiya looked quite perturbed as he explained his finding. While the spiral in the middle was and the circular inscription was exactly the same as the one on the original, there was seven oval-shaped seal symbols, six around the inscription while the last one was in the middle of the spiral. The frog sannin admitted that at first glance that the seal seemed to be a bastardised version of Uzumaki's seal, but the seal was more intricate than the latter that he wasn't sure the Uzumaki seal experts could easily decipher the seal if they were still alive. To add to the problem, with his limited knowledge, Jiraiya predicted that the key left by Minato wouldn't be compatible with the seal.

But despite the gloom, there were some good news: there was no threat of Kyuubi escaping as long as Naruto was alive as the seal was confining it properly. This was proven when Jiraiya tried to induce Kyuubi's chakra to leak out, but despite his best effort, there was none of the tell-tale chakra of the said bijuu. The absence of Kyuubi's chakra also meant that whatever that invisible friend Naruto was not seeing was simply coincidental imagination of a young boy instead of an attempt by the said bijuu to influence him. That hypothesis would be more inline with Naruto not wanting to be a shinobi; if Kyuubi was influencing the boy, the demon would surely want him to be a killer to sate its destructive instinct.

There was a not so little problem with Naruto not wanting to become a shinobi, however. Being a jinchuuriki, it was inevitable that the young boy would have to be trained in the arts of shinobi. While Danzo had petitioned for the boy to be turned into a living weapon, it wasn't a humane thing to do, so Sarutobi shot the suggestion down. Besides, it had been demonstrated that in order to turn Naruto into a powerful weapon for the village's use, higher order learning which includes proper teaching methods have to be utilised.

So, it was important to make Naruto become interested in becoming a shinobi. He had tried complimenting Naruto on his speed and remarked that he would become a powerful shinobi if he put his mind into it, but the normal reaction that he got was a polite 'thank you' from the boy before the latter begin twiddling with something in an effort to study it. Damn it, he should have known that there was something wrong with the boy when the boy didn't throw his toys around unlike children of his age. Why, proud shinobi parents would gush at their young children throwing things around, saying that the children were training their muscle memory so that they could throw kunais accurately when they grew up.

Sarutobi and the parent's assumption was wrong, of course, but they had no way knowing that.

With his tactic not having any effect, Sarutobi was tempted to utilised the 'ramen and udon' card but Jiraiya had suggested another alternative. Since Naruto wanted to become an inventor but the situation required him to be a shinobi, why not get him to do both, and become an inventor-shinobi. Sarutobi had argued that it was difficult for Naruto to concentrate on both fields but Jiraiya didn't see any problem with the arrangement as he himself was a professional pervert but that didn't prevent him from becoming a powerful ninja. Besides, anyone needed a hobby and wouldn't it be better for Naruto to have a normal hobby compared to the some of things Konoha shinobis and kunoichis do to pass their time?

Sarutobi lighted his pipe and took a puff. Thinking back, Jiraiya's suggestion really made sense. In fact, he would call Naruto the first thing in the next morning to discuss the matter. With that decision made up, the leader of Konoha looked at missive that he was about to send to his counterpart in Kumo regarding the signing of the peace treaty. While he was quite anxious to end the unnecessary bloodshed, he felt spent after having to deal with all the current issues that he simply didn't have the energy and motivation to consider dealing with the Raikage. Besides, the current ceasefire agreement was still in effect so diplomatically it wouldn't be easy for the Kumo to break it, not without sullying its image.

He held the letter and a small katon jutsu later, the letter was turned into ash. There would be a peace treaty, but it would be when he was in the mood. Maybe later, then, when things had settled down and the paperwork had been reduced.

A year would pass before a letter was finally sent out to Raikage and as predicted, things had settled down a bit.

The overwhelming paperwork remained constant.

-ToN-

ToN-

Fugaku calmly looked the door to his office and then walked toward his desk. He then pressed a box with a seal inscribed on it and a voice squawked, inquiring about his order respectfully. Telling that he was not to be be disturbed and receiving an acknowledgement in response, the head of Uchiha clan terminated the connection and flopped down on his chair unceremoniously, letting out a tired breath.

It had been a fully hectic day, searching for the 'Masked Prankster', the person who had defiled the Mount Rushmo, er, the Hokage Monument. Yes, Uchiha clan was known for having a stick up its collective asses though not as severely as Hyūga, but Fugaku could appreciate a joke or two, having been exposed to one Uzumaki Kushina and her brand of extreme practical jokes such as putting tree saps on Shikaku's clothing, causing him to become a temporary Aburame when Shibi came near and his kikachu swarmed the former. That was the good time.

Unlike Kushina however, Masked Prankster played joke on the village as a whole. Three months prior, footprints belonging to a large animals were found leading to the lake that formed the village's main water reservoir. Examination from an animal expert concluded that the footprints belonged to a rhinoceros. Hokage had ordered that the event be classified as 'secret' to prevent unwanted reaction from the population.

However, because Konoha was a hidden shinobi village, anything that was classified as 'secret' became known village-wide in two hours time instead of the normal seven days as shinobis and kunoichis were terrible gossips.

Immediately, reports and complaints began to pour in regarding the supplied water tasting like rhinoceros which was strange since rhinoceros wasn't known for its meat compared to other wild animals such as boar or gazelle. Also, there wasn't any live rhinoceros in the Fire Country partly due to its climate which wasn't suitable for the said animal.

Fugaku had ordered Konoha Police Force to investigate the members of the Konoha Water Filter Manufacturers Alliance for possible involvement with the prank since the prank had caused water filter sales to skyrocket. Unfortunately the investigation had turned out nothing tangible.

The frustrating part of the whole 'Masked Prankster' was that no one really knew who he or she was because the perpetrator had yet to be identified. No one had seen the person yet so there was no information regarding the height, body built, age, gender or anything that would allow the police to identify possible suspects. The reason the person was given the 'Masked Prankster' moniker wasn't because he or she was seen wearing a mask but because no chakra residue had ever been detected at the scenes of the prank, it was suggested that the Prankster had the ability to mask chakra. The people that had such capability were those that set in the way of the perverts such as Jiraiya but it wasn't his way of doing things.

Then, there was that matter pertaining to the man's colleague, the man called Orochimaru.

The head of the police force eyed the dossier in front of him compiled by Special Branch on the said man. He had read the document at least three times and knew what was inside it by heart. Being terribly gifted and once a candidate for Hokage, the snake sannin had become a changed man when he was passed over by Sarutobi for the position of Hokage. Intelligence excerpts suggested that the man was plotting against Konoha though in what manner had yet to be determined. Despite that, Fugaku was very confident that it would be a matter of time before whatever scheme the man was planning would be uncovered.

Then whatever leads that the police had over the Orochimaru's plan disappeared last year as the man had changed once again, just like a snake would shed its skin. Using his influence as a sannin, Orochimaru pressed for the establishment of Konoha Research Bureau, led by himself to conduct research on the various field of science. The bureau would be partly funded by Konoha and would get the rest of its income from projects carried out in collaboration with the private sectors. While the Orochimaru of the old would be talking about responsibility to protect the village, the new one was harping on the furthering the entire human race with the power of science.

Fugaku refused to be tricked by the man's rambling. Anyone who take a look of the bureau's headquarters would be suspicious of it as well. Situated at the outskirt of the village, the tower that was the bureau's headquarters had a dark and sinister feeling to it. Why, Fugaku only had to look at the tower from his office's window to see black clouds gathering above the tower with a thunderbolt or two striking it from time to time even though the sky was clear everywhere else. Few eyewitnesses or rather earwitnesses had claimed hearing the sounds organ playing coming from the tower at night followed by high pitched shrieking sounds and long winding sinister laughs. If those weren't clear signs of evil, Fugaku didn't know what was.

The problem with the current situation was, unlike the previous investigation Orochimaru had covered his tracks well that to simply accuse a man of such stature of doing something diabolical would be pointless and politically dangerous. Even though there were rumors that Orochimaru was kidnapping orphans and experimenting them in that tower of his, they remained rumors without anything to prove. To annoy him further, the sannin even offered space at the tower for a police station with all furnishings as well utility bills taken care of: all Fugaku need was assign some of his men to work there. Of course, Fugaku had politely rejected the offer, saying that the force was stretched thin as it was although the real reason was that he couldn't stand the man's arrogance in showing that he had nothing to hide. Also, the offer was an obvious ploy at getting cheap security protection from the police as the bureau's head wasn't exactly known for being generous with his money.

In a way, Orochimaru's strange behavior was a boon for Uchiha clan. When Kyuubi struck six years ago, there was some suspicion that the clan was behind the attack despite it losing some of its best shinobis and kunoichis fighting against it. The unfair suspicions cast on the clan had caused Fugaku to seriously consider launching a military coup against the village so that he could at least ensure the clan's survival. But then Orochimaru happened and Fugaku began to get visits from some people including few clan leaders who was also suspicious of the man but wasn't about to tell it to Sarutobi or Jiraiya who would certainly defend him. In fact, Shimura Danzo, who was one of Uchiha clan's detractors had proposed that the Konoha Police's Special Branch and Danzo's own ROOT ANBU combine their intel on the man.

The fastest, though not necessarily the best, way for two parties in conflict to agree to put aside their differences was to point them toward a more threatening foe.

But Fugaku wasn't lying when he told Orochimaru that the police force was short on manpower. While the police officers were deemed adequate for the previous years, increased surveillance necessitated by Orochimaru's actions as well as the outbreak of prank attacks had increased demands for police force. Since the prank on the water supply had been carried out, security details at utility facilities were no longer classified as D-ranks and assigned to genins as some sort of a training exercise cum punishment for whatever mischief they had committed. In fact, the security was no longer considered a shinobi mission. Instead, the police was assigned to guard and patrol those strategic areas. While the monument wasn't really a strategic area, Fugaku was certain that the police would have to start patrolling the area as well.

All those factors were hampering the police's capability to operate efficiently as not enough officers were available. Unlike other clans that were mostly involved on external missions, Uchiha had to divide its clan members for external missions as well as man the police force. While Fugaku could petition for the Hokage to assign all available clan members to the police force, doing so would cause a serious loss of prestige for the Uchiha clan as the other clans and even the clan's own members would no doubt view the move was made out of cowardice.

However, the current situation couldn't be allowed to continue as it was would cause Konoha's security to degrade which in turn would tarnish the clan's name as it's lawkeeper.

Fortunately, a viable and satisfactory solution for the problem exist. Unfortunately that viable and satisfactory solution was one that Fugaku really didn't like but one that he had to take. Pressing at the box with the seal, he waited until the same voice asked for his order.

"Arrange a preliminary meeting with the Hokage, the leaders of the Aburame, Inuzuka and Hyūga clans."

"What should we inform them regarding the meeting, Fugaku-sama?"

Damn it, Fugaku really hated himself for what he was about to do.

"The meeting will be discussing about a proposal to restructure the Konoha Police Force."

-ToN-

-ToN-

Naruto wiped of some sweat of his forehead with the sleeve of his jacket, put down the screwdriver he was holding and took two steps to have a appraisal look at his newest work, an electric fan. The workshop he was working in at that moment was part of the deal that he made with jiji. In return for him to try his best to become a shinobi, jiji had authorised the floor underneath his apartment be turned into a workshop complete with all the necessary tools and equipments. Later, he found out that the apartment building was one of the properties owned by the Uzumaki clan in Konoha so it belonged to him which was the reason why such refurbishment could be carried out easily.

With a workshop to 'play' with, Naruto had been trying to recreate some of the ideas that came to his mind. The electric fan was his current foray. When one wanted to use the thing, he will activate a switch that would supply power to the a small engine inside the the item. The engine will then turn a rubber conveyor belt which in turn will spin a fuma shuriken that had its edges slightly twisted. The spinning shuriken would then move the air in the direction perpendicular to its axis, which would normally be directed toward a person to cool him off.

The fan itself wasn't anything special, as machinery that served similar functions were already available in Konoha itself. However, what made his device a bit different was the design as well as the power source. The fans that were used in Konoha were made of chakra construct whereby the device would use the energy inside a seal matrix in order to function. However, his fan functioned using electricity, and has to be connected to wires that lead to an external energy generation device, which was presently a wind turbine he had installed at the top of his apartment with the help of an ANBU.

To be honest, Naruto wasn't even sure how the things really works and all those theories related to his inventions. In fact, the things he created so far was fairly undeveloped compared to their counterparts. For example, in regards to convenience factor, the fan using the seal matrix was better because it was easily portable and the user only need to change the seal once the seal had expended its store power. The electric fan, however required constant connection to the electrical source in order to function.

However, to him, it was okay not to be able to create something incredible since he was just a six-years old boy who sometimes wet his own bed. After all, it wasn't as if he was supposed to join ANBU at the age of six and became its captain at the age of ten. Jiji had said mentioned that he was wise beyond his years but Naruto was content being a kid.

Besides, it was important for him to really understand the concept behind the electric fan as it was related to his real long term project, which was to create a winged vehicle that had a large fan in front of it that would be able to fly through the air with total control, a dream he saw in his sleep so many times that he felt compelled to work on the idea. He also knew the name he would give to the winged vehicle: an aeroplane named Tornado.

But, when he finally take Tornado to the sky, he will do it without that strange blue hedgehog named Sonic as the talking animal had freaked him even though the animal was just a part of his dream. Really? A blue hedgehog that can talk?

Pale face, or Orochimaru, as the man was called had taken an interest in Naruto's works and had once came to offer him to work under the man's tutelage but he didn't accept it because the terms offered weren't good enough.

One bowl of udon and one bowl of ramen on top of 100 ryo allowance per week offer was a very cheap and stingy proposition; Naruto could get jiji to treat him to at least ten bowls whenever the latter comes for a visit, which was quite often.

"So, how's the progress, kid?" a rather muffled voice broke him out of his reverie.

Naruto turned toward the voice. "Oh, it's you, 'Cockroach'," he greeted the minder that was assigned to his guard detail. "Aren't you supposed to be watching me from a hidden location?"

The ANBU wearing the cockroach mask laughed. "Nah. We veterans know that you seem to know where we are, so why bother? Well, there's 'Phoenix', 'Wolf' and 'Tiger' who think that because they have cool names as well as the corresponding masks, they believe that they must show that they have some sticks up theirs."

"Up theirs?"

"When you're old enough, kid. As for this mask, it is not cool or heroic looking, but I'll have you know that it is given to the best infiltration agent which is yours truly," 'Cockroach' thumbed himself, "and since I can't consistently sneak on you, I might as well make myself comfortable."

"You have a point there."

"Actually, I have a lot of points."

"Sorry?"

"I have a lot of kunais and shurikens on me."

"Oh," Naruto stated, getting what the man meant. Regarding the statement made by 'Cockroach', while he couldn't explain how he did it, but he could somehow sense that he was being watched by someone and determine their approximate locations.

"But for the sake of the newcomers' pride, whenever they're assigned to watch you, please pretend that you don't notice them."

"Okay... But, what's the real reason?"

"We always have the betting pool going on how long before the juniors realize that you're just humoring them."

"That's unnecessary cruel."

"Not our fault if they managed to look underneath the underneath. Besides, the way your body slightly tense whenever a new person come near you should be an obvious signal."

"Oh... that's something I've never realised. Maybe I have to work on that."

"And I will bet the next newcomer wouldn't realise that he or she is being duped for a long, long time and win the pot."

"I don't know about this betting game but are you making this game unfair for everybody else?"

"Hey, their fault if they don't look underneath the underneath."

"You shinobis and kunoichis like your 'look underneath the underneath' don't you?"

"We spam it any chance we have."

Getting watched by ANBU while he went by his daily routine was something normal for Naruto. For the life of him, he didn't know the reason why they were to guard him. He did asked the Hokage about it and the wizened leader told him that they were there to ensure that he wouldn't hurt himself handling sharp apparatuses. That was an acceptable reason but Naruto had noticed that they were around even while he was enjoying his meals. It was as if jiji thought that he would stab himself with chopsticks or try to choke himself by swallowing the cereal box. "So did you make a mistake in your mission or insulted Captain 'Bunny' this time?"

It took him quite a bit of time but eventually Naruto found out that the surveillance was ordered to multiple reasons that had to be kept secret, some of them having to do with ANBU as much as the other related to him. However, he did find out that sometimes the mission to watch him was given as some sort of punishment for the ANBU involved.

"Nah, had to take mandatory leave for two weeks so might as well make it a paid vacation."

Yes, watching him was a paid shinobi mission.

"So, anything I can help with?" 'Cockroach' asked.

"I was going to ask jiji for some help but since you're here, can you make the edges of this Fuma-shuriken blunt?" Naruto said while holding up his fan toward 'Cockroach'.

"No problem," the ANBU answered as he took the thing and began to work on it. "By the way, it's a bit early, but we will be planning a very big party at this end of this year, with cakes, balloons and party poppers. You'll be specially invited, of course."

"Someone's birthday?"

"No. To celebrate you going off to the shinobi school."

"So many people want me to become a shinobi?"

"Well, in a way, yes, but not due to the reasons that you can think off."

Naruto would never know that the party will be celebrating Hokage not being able to assign S-Rank training missions to chase Naruto anymore since the boy would be preoccupied with his schooling and Naruto would be invited as the guest of horror to that party.

Guest of horror, not guest of honor, since such training missions were terrifying to those involved.

"Okay! I promise to be there! Dattebayo!"

Cockroach stopped his work and tilted his head toward him. "Believe it?"

"I am supposed to say it all the time but I forgot until now," Naruto explained with a shrug. "...dattebayo! Almost forgot to say it! It's a bit hard to undo good habit but I'll try, dattebayo."

"You don't have to do it all the time. 'Sometimes' would be okay though I recommend 'never from now on'."

"I don't know... the phrase sounds catchy... Maybe some udon will keep my mouth chewing,"

"A bowl voucher and no mentioning the words when I'm around."

"Three!"

"Two and you have a deal!"

"Okay!"

"You're a piece of work, kid and I'm proud that we had a hand in that."

Blackmailing was a good skill to instill in the future murderers, thieves and peeping toms that work at the behest of the village.

"So, how about you, kid?" 'Cockroach' asked as he started on the last fan blade.

"Hm?"

"Excited to take your first step toward becoming Hokage?"

Unbidden, an image came to Naruto's mind where a wrinkled and grey-haired version of him wearing the funny hat stamping documents non-stop while tears of regret streaming down his face. "Yay, Hokage," Naruto cheered without any motivation behind it.

Again with the attempt to convince him to become a shinobi even though he had promised jiji to attend the Konoha Shinobi Academy and would try his best to become a shinobi. But that was as far as he would go. If he managed to become a shinobi, he would become the best that he could. But other than that, no deal. He wouldn't go to Konoha High School or Shinobi High School because he read that all they do at those schools were acting all cool and ganging up on meek people (Naruto hate bullies), form boys bands that compete against girls bands and spend all the time preparing for what they call as Prom Night where they would be dancing all night and lives happily ever after until divorce papers were served.

Rather depressing places to learn shinobi skills.

"You can join ANBU, if you don't want to be Hokage," Cockroach suggested. "Even though we're just Elite Red Shirts that will be killed off to make the villains look very strong or the organisation that you must enter in order to show that you're very strong."

"What is the advantage of joining ANBU?"

"If you decide to enter ANBU, we will throw away all those regulations that prohibit us from recruiting a young child, gives you the cool looking but merely ornamental fox mask and call you 'Kitsune' in order to hide your real identity from everyone while pretending that they would be stupid enough not to figure out your identity. Due to our special training that doesn't emphasis history, geography, flower arranging and all those normal subjects, you will become a badass but... the bad news is you will have the leave the organisation when you are 13 years old and be matched with your peers that will graduate that year."

"Sounds bothersome."

"Up to you," 'Cockroach' said as he continued with his work. "You can also ask Hokage to get you set up as an apprentice to a strong shinobi or kunoichi but... the bad news is when you're 13 years old the training will end and you will be matched with your peers that will graduate that year."

"Wow. Those options sound pointless since I can just enter the academy the normal way and when I'm 13 years old, I will be matched with my peers that will graduate the same year."

To be honest, Naruto didn't understand the way people in the village, which includes jiji, thinks. His jiji was really wanted him to become a shinobi even though Naruto himself wasn't interested. When asked why the hokage wanted him to become a shinobi due to his father's legacy. However, when asked regarding the identity of his father, the old man would cough loudly and then change the subject, normally utilizing the super effective method of telling him that the two of them would be going out to get some ramen or some udon and in few cases, both of them. So effective was the method that Naruto would only realise that he had been duped by the maneuver at least the day after.

On the other hand, should Naruto want to eat ramens or udons for free, all he needed to do was mention wanting to know about his family. Yes, it was despicable, but at least it was a good shinobi trait to have, right?

The strange thing that he noticed wasn't limited to his grandfather figure, as he discovered when he went out to shop some work cloth to wear while working in his workshop. The shopkeepers at the places he went to kept trying to sell all those camouflage uniforms to him even before he opened his mouth. When he explained that he needed bright-colored clothing which was more suitable for his work due to safety reason, they pretended to listen, head nods and all, to his words before bringing out different sets of camouflage uniform, _telling _him that he would like the uniforms since they were being used by ANBUs. One shop even offered a steep discount on ghillie suits that were available to top-level shinobis for assassination mission.

If he was a paranoid person, Naruto would have thought that they were trying to get him killed by making him more inconspicuous.

In the end, he had acquired his current orange-colored jacket after having to hear a two hours tirade from owner of the shop on why he should go for black colored short sleeve t-shirt matched with a pair of navy blue shorts as it would make him look more shinobi-like, a concept Naruto didn't understand as he had seen a lot of shinobis and kunoichis, since Konoha was a shinobi village after all, and a good number of them weren't wearing something that could be considered shinobi-like. Well, there's one shinobi who wear shinobi-like uniform but the way he screamed while running around Konoha using his hands, he wasn't really a good model for a shinobi, in Naruto's opinion.

When he pointed that out to the man, the latter sulked and just pointed in the direction of an orange-blue jacket and matching pants, saying that that was the only thing he had in shop that matches Naruto's requirement. It wasn't what Naruto wanted but the material was good and comfortable, there were a lot of pockets and the color was bright enough so he took four pairs of those. The shop owner's last attempt to dissuade him from buying those orange uniforms even as the former was adding up the purchase was quite annoying but Naruto persevered and finally got his merchandise

Happy with his acquisition of the said uniforms, Naruto decided to indulge himself by buying casual cloth. It was a mistake telling the shop owner that though, as the man's eyes twinkled and began bringing out racks and racks of kunai pouches, shuriken holders, sword holsters, scroll carriers and whatnots to be matched with the black short sleeve t-shirt and the pair of navy blue shorts he had brought out earlier. In the end, to appease the said man, Naruto settled for a pair of tinted anti-shatter goggles as the item would be useful to protect his eyes while working on his projects. But he didn't get the t-shirts and the shorts.

"Done," 'Cockroach' said as he handed the thing he had worked on back to Naruto.

"Thanks," the budding inventor and future killer for hire said as he took the offered thing and made some final adjustment. After a few more minutes, he announced that it was ready and plugged it into the power socket. "For science!" he shouted with zest before he pushed the 'on' button.

The thing came to life, with the blade starting to spin slowly.

"It looks like a normal fan," his ANBU minder remarked.

"It looks the part, but don't be fooled. This is the revolutionary..."

Then a loud and explosion engulfed the whole workshop. It abated, leaving two figures covered in black soot still standing, one tall and one short

The short one coughed, expelling smoke from his lungs.

"Not so portable device to commit suicide?" the older one guessed.

-ToN-

-ToN-

Fully masked and in shinobi gear and making his way toward the mission's objective under the cover of a moonless night, a lone man grinned as he thought about the accolade that he would receive. Perhaps the textbook in the academy would be appended to include a chapter on the mission he undertaking. Sure, it would be a bit mouthful for the students to mention his name, Head Ninja of Kumogakure, but it couldn't be helped since it was his given name. At least it wasn't 'A' or 'B' or 'S' though he wouldn't have minded being named 'X' since it would have lent a mysterious aura to him.

As the Kumogakure's military strategic planners had predicted, Konoha had become complacent and too trusting in dealing with its former enemy. It was very boring and tiresome to play the head of the Kumogakure's diplomacy mission, have a formal conversation with the Hokage and then sign some scrolls that throughout the day the only thought that the Head Ninja of Kumogakure had in his mind was how he would go about performing his mission.

So excited that he was in his mission that he was caught by surprise when he arrived at a junction and came into contact with three figures, each one coming from a different direction, who seemed to arrive at the spot at the same time.

The first person who was standing opposite him was one of short stature, wearing black clothing with corresponding black piece of cloth over his head with its edges tied under his nose in the stereotypical representation of a Japanese thief, leaving only his blue eyes and a small tuft of blonde hair near the head area visible. A paint brush was on his right hand while other one was holding what seemed to be a paint bucket.

The second one, located to his left was thin and tall, with long black hair that reached the mid-back. He wore a white suit with a cape swishing behind him continuously despite the lack of wind at that moment. Head Ninja of Kumogakure thought that the man would have looked intimidating if not for the clown mask with its tongue sticking out covering his face.

The last one who stood opposite the one wearing the clown mask seemed rather normal in comparison to the other two as he was wearing a shinobi jounin uniform with a sword slung behind his back and a plain porcelain mask covering his face.

"This is awkward," 'shorty' remarked as he looked at Head Ninja of Kumogakure and the other two.

"Indeed," 'porcelain mask' agreed.

"Ku ku ku. The probability that four people with nefarious intents meeting at a crossroad on the way to their respective targets is simply small so to have it happening was a special occasion indeed," 'clown' stated.

Head Ninja of Kumogakure blinked.

"So, what are you guys doing tonight?" 'shorty' began, "As for me, I'm going to 'paint' catnip on walls of a certain canine-linked clan, causing a group of loud cats to assemble at the place and annoy them."

"I'm going to reinstall a seal that will recreate the bane of the hidden village leaders at a certain village leader's office," 'clown' said.

"I'm going through a tactical simulation of massacring a powerful clan under the guise of testing my power," 'porcelain mask' said.

The three of them then turned toward Head Ninja of Kumogakure. "Uh... I'm here to kidnap the heiress of a powerful clan with eye-based blood limit and bring her back to my village so that we can reproduce the same clan, thus increasing my village's military power ."

The three of them were quiet for a moment before sighing loudly almost simultaneously.

"You're a newbie in this kind of thing, aren't you?" 'shorty' said while shaking his head in pity.

"What?"

"It's evident that you're an above average shinobi but your experience in this field is sorely lacking," 'clown' observed scathingly.

"The fact that you're doing this without even proper planning reveals that you're not from Konoha and thus woefully prepared for your mission," 'porcelain mask' stated in a neutral voice but it was evident what he was thinking.

"How? How do you know that?" Head Ninja of Kumogakure asked.

"Your mission objective is unnecessarily complex but your plan is very simple that it borders on stupidity," 'clown' explained.

"Yeah," 'shorty' said while nodding his head. "Also, everyone in Konoha knows that the clan compounds are well guarded."

"Which necessitates me conducting a lot of simulations to increase the probability of success of my mission," 'porcelain mask' said, "and here you are, obviously unfamiliar with Konoha in general, acting as if there will be big neon signs flashing to point you toward the heiress of the clan's room and there will be no guards at all posted nearby as well other preventive measures in place even though they know that a hostile foreign shinobi delegation is in the village,"

"I scouted my target at least two weeks before making my attempt, but normally I do it for a month," 'shorty' said.

"With you and your simpleton way of thinking, it is not impossible that you haven't thought of a better idea than to kidnap a heiress from a heavily guarded place so that you can use her for breeding," 'clown' said, "but have it occurred to you that a breeding program normally uses a male progenitor because it would be easier to impregnate multiple females simultaneously, allowing a higher chance of success? But if you use a female progenitor, you will have a smaller chance of success as well as wait for a long time before sufficient number of descendants can be reproduced. A normal male clan member would have suffice for your objective."

"Ugh... but the easy ones to get would be the branch clan members, but they had seal imprinted on them that would seal their eyes upon their deaths," Head Ninja of Kumogakure responded in an attempt to explain the reason the heiress was chosen.

"And this seal also cause them to be infertile when they're still alive? Then, where the little members of the branch family come from, hmm?"

Head Ninja of Kumogakure was speechless as he had nothing to refute that.

"If your village wanted the bloodline so much that it's willing to sent you to an unsightly mission that will mean your doom, there are other ways of getting it without even getting into this village," 'porcelain mask' stated. "For example, pleasure dens situated at strategic locations would attract Konoha shinobis who needed outlet to fulfill their natural urge would be able to collect not only the genetic input of the clan you're after, but the other clans as well."

"And then storks will send the babies to you instead of Konoha," 'shorty' added in somewhat nonsensical manner as he didn't really understand what was being said by 'clown' and 'porcelain mask' but still managed to hit it close.

"Well," 'clown' said, "I don't even want to begin to understand the idiocy that fuels the obsession that you have with the clan even though there's a lot of other powerful bloodline clans all over the world that you can procure. But I do know that I don't want to waste any more time with an idiot like you, so goodnight," he said before jumping away.

"Foolish amateur. Run along and survive in an unsightly manner," 'porcelain mask' stated dismissively before he too disappeared, leaving only 'shorty' and Head Ninja of Kumogakure standing at the junction.

"Um..." 'shorty' said while rubbing the back of his head. "I'm sure that they mean well despite the insults. I personally think that it will be sad to see a fellow sneak being caught due to a flawed plan," he said condescendingly. "After all, when I started out myself, I almost got caught while putting itching powder into the shinobi and kunoichi uniforms that were left hanging outside of their homes, so I think I understand how they feel." He then raised the hand that was holding the paintbrush near his head in a saluting manner. "Well, you should rethink your approach. Bye!"

'Shorty' left the place, and Head Ninja of Kumogakure was left alone.

Few minutes later, his two confederates arrived at the scene. "Sir, sorry for being a bit late as we have to evade detection from the guards and police officers on duty," zako ninja number 1 explained, looking his part as a small fry as suggested by his depiction as a 'zako'.

"It seems that there are more guards than we anticipated," zako ninja number 2 stated. "But we're ready to do our mission and die meaninglessly for the sake of the village."

Head Ninja of Kumogakure slowly turned toward them, a defeated look on his face. "How do you feel about opening a brothel chain all over the world?"

* * *

a

* * *

Author's note.

1. This chapter is inpired by Mogthenome's '**The Imprint' **

2. If you're not sure about the reference to 'Red shirts', do check the TVTropes site.

3. The Rhinoceros prank refers to the Cornell Rhinoceros prank purpotedly carried out by Hugh Troy in 1925 while studying in Cornell University

4. Ghillie suits are camouflage suits that are being worns by snipers and special ops operators. Look it up at wiki

* * *

-TN


	5. Kurama the Nine-tailed Fox (16-BITes)

**Emerald Hill Zone 1**

"Are you okay, buddy?"

Trying to come into grip with a head-splitting headache so severe that he couldn't even open his eyes, Kyuubi, or Kurama as was the name given by the Sage of Six Paths felt an urge to growl at the idiot whose voice simply added to his agony.

He did open his mouth to do so, but simply moving his jaw causing a fresh wave of headache assailing him.

Despite the vertigo and its accompanying headache, Kyuubi still remembered the fight he was forced to participate, up to the lone blonde ninja breaking hold of the Uchiha's hold on him and performed what seemed to be a teleportation move.

"Hey, Tails?"

Kurama put a hand on his head, calmly waiting to the pain to go away. Only after most of it was gone and he felt that it was alright for him to do so did Kurama open his eyes, slowly, so as to let them adjust to the bright light. A blue anthropomorphic being, a... a... blue hedgehog? was looking at him with what seemed to be worry in his eyes.

Worry for him. Heh, it was such a long time since someone showed concern for him, the being supposedly made of negative energy. "What?"

"Tails?"

"Tails?" Kurama asked back, not understanding what the blue Hedgehog was saying.

"Oh boy, it seems that you have lost your memory... and you look different"

Really? Kurara looked at himself and noticed that he was indeed was a bit different than he last recalled. He was supposed to be at least 50 meters tall with a dominating presence instead of being 1.2 meters. "Different..." he said, not in response to the blue hedgehog's comment but to his change.

"... and you look like a bunny instead of a fox." the blue hedgehog said as he held up a hand mirror for Kurama to look into.

Kurama was shocked. Instead looking like a very thin rabbit ears, with long and sharp fangs, with black patches around the eyes and nine very long tails, he looked like a _cute _fox with rabbit's ears, short and not very sharp fangs, with black patches around his eyes resembling those found on a raccoon and nine not-very-long and puffy tails.

It was as if he was turned into 'E' rating version of himself to satisfy the Entertainment Software Rating Board!

"So, since you didn't remember what happen, I'll fill you in. Since we don't have any device to play flash back memories so you have to put up with some verbal narration.

Even though it was still early to decide, the place Kurama ended up at seemed better and better compared to the previous place.

According to blue hedgehog, he, or rather 'Tails', was the partner of blue hedgehog whose name was Sonic in the fight against the evil Dr. Eggman, who was planning to take control of something called 'Chaos Emeralds' and use it to take over the world. To stop the evil madman's plan, the two had to find the emeralds first while simultaneously free those captured by him. In fact, they had succeeded in the first mission and secured all the required seven emeralds but then Dr. Eggman appeared, preparing to snipe on Sonic with a phlebotinum-based weapon. Tails who was holding examining one of the chaos emeralds when that happened managed to spot him and pushed Sonic out of the targeted vector but was shot instead.

"So you started glowing very brightly while Eggman ran away. When the light went off you, well, changed into this different but somewhat cooler form."

"Cooler?"

"Yup. Badass," the blue hedgehog put a hand on Kurama's back. "Thanks, Tails. I really owe you one."

Kurama knew that he wasn't the person who saved Sonic but it did feel nice to receive a compliment from someone else. Sure, he was supposed to be doom on four paws, but he had feelings too. "What now?"

"Hm... looks like you've become a bit slower as well, literally and figuratively though no offense intended." Sonic said. "Well, we have to continue with the second part of our mission as the good guys which is to save the captured animals which includes flickies from imprisonment. Along the way, we'll figure out what happened to the chaos emerald you were holding."

Good guys? If Kurama was to be honest to himself, it would be the first people, or was it animal?, apart from the Sage of the Six Paths who thought that he was good. Admittedly, he wasn't really this 'Tails' character who was supposed to be the hedgehog's sidekick, but Kurama was all right being called 'Tails' as it wasn't the worst he had been called and the sensible thing to do at the moment was to play the expected role until the real one returns. Now, to continue to pretend that he was retarded and was trying to recall his memory.

It was quite difficult for Kurama to play the part of an idiot, big doe eyes and all, since he was supposed to be sealed into a blue-eyed blonde boy who would grow up to be a naive teenager who wanted to save his revenge-obsessed friend, but the boy wasn't around for that heavy responsibility to be shoved upon. "Flickies?"

"Bird species that are prone capture by the evil Dr. Eggman who then put them inside a cybernetic..." Sonic sighed when he saw that his partner had a blank look on him. "The bad guy put them into metal containers and use them to do bad."

That was an easy concept. Bad people put animals into containers. Animals trapped and unhappy. Must release them from containers.

Despite dimensional differences, one premise seemed constant: people = bad.

"We save them?"

"Yup!" There was a blue streak and a blackboard was set up in front of Kurama. "These are good animals," Sonic said while drawing a number of animals. He then add spikes and rectangles on them. These are Badnicks."

Kurama or rather 'Tails' nodded.

"And this is me," Sonic said as he draw a small caricature of himself on the board. He then added a sphere with spikes. "I can spin myself into this and then when I hit a Badnick," he said while drawing an arrow from the sphere to one of the animals. He then erased the spikes and rectangles on the animal. "They will be free."

"Me?"

The blue hedgehog rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Well, you did learn how to do a spin attack but after what happened to you, I'm not sure." He gave a thumbs up. "You have to try."

"How?"

Sonic jumped and performed his spin attack, curling himself and forming a spining ball with spikes all over it. He then landed on a nearby rock, shattering it. "Like that," he said to Kurama and then pointed to another rock. "Now you try."

Kurama jumped into the air and formed a spinning ball. He then dove toward the designated rock, intent on breaking it.

A hedgehog's body is covered with hard spines made of keratin, the same material that can be found in animal horns and nails. A fox's body is covered with soft and silky fur.

Kurama's attack was as effective as throwing a ball of cotton at the said rock.

"Hmm...," his companion said while pondering on the problem. "Seems like you can't do it, even though you used to be able to break through walls with your fur attack." Upon seeing the annoyed look on Kurama, he smiled. "Hey, don't worry, buddy. Maybe you can come up with a new attack,"

"How?"

"I'm not sure, we'll figure out something. While an obvious idea is for you to pounce on the target to attack it, that will break the 'rule of cool' so I would prefer we have another attack,"

Kurama gave the rock an evil look. He then imagined the rock having the face of Shodaime, the first person who imprisoned him in Konoha, mocking and telling him that he was weak. Anger filled him and instinctively, all of his nine tails struck the rock at high speed.

"Whoa! That's great, Tails!" Sonic said while clapping his hands enthusiastically. "Now, all we have to do is come up with a cool name for it... How does 'Tails Flail Attack' sounds to you?"

"Sounds good."

"Good!" Sonic said as he zipped to the blackboard and rubbed everything. He then wrote 'Tails', underlined it and added 'Tails Flail Attack' under the word. "Now, we will have to take it a little bit slow but we'll find out about your abilities as we go along, okay?"

"Sonic?"

"What?" the hedgehog said as he turned around.

"Flicky?" Kurama said as he raised a paw to point a bird that was flapping its wings to hover near him.

"Yup, that is a flick..."

"CHOMP!"

Only a feather floating down was what remained of the said flying animal as Kurama swallowed it whole.

If Kurama really was a being made entirely out of chakra and thus was free of earthly needs, he could have been fashioned into a ball of energy. There would have been no need for it to have any legs at all as he could zap to any place he wanted, no need for eyes and other sensory organs and of course no mouth as he wouldn't have needed to eat or to speak. However, he was a nine-tailed fox, albeit with insane energy level at his disposal.

Fox eats birds, although it could learn to eat deep-fried tofu, being an omnivore.

Sonic put a hand on his face. "First thing we have to do is to get you to learn not to eat any friendlies."

Kurama burped, and few more feathers floated down.

-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-K TNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-

**Emerald Hill Zone 2**

"That is the villain that we have to fight," Sonic said as he pointed at a man piloting a round floating vehicle. "His name is Dr. Eggman but we used to call him Robotnik. I personally prefer Robotnik though."

"Why he is evil?"

"I'm not sure but maybe some repression by his peer group at his obesity while he was growing up caused him to develop some major inferiority complex issues... '**Press A button** - next, **'Start' button** - skip."

... ... ...

"Oh," Kurama said while nodding as if he had been given a very long and thorough explanation. "So's that why."

The two of them watched Eggman drew closer.

As if knowing what Kurama was thinking, Sonic answered, "No, he normally don't set up his machines slowly and we don't normally watch without doing anything until he's finished. It's just that this machine he is going to use is kinda funny that I'm trying not to laugh."

"Funny?"

"Why don't you you watch what happens next. Oh, by the way, that floating thing he pilots? It's called Eggmobile."

The vehicle that Dr. Eggman piloted lumbered slowly until he was not far away from them. "It's time that I get rid of you, you wretched hedgehog!" he boasted.

"I'm waiting..." Sonic said, arms crossed and a foot tapping.

It was then Dr. Eggman noticed the other person that was with the blue hedgehog. "What the fu..." he stopped. "Ah, right, 'E' rating. What kind of fruit are you?"

Kurama turned toward Sonic who shrugged and turned back to address the mad doctor. "I'm Ta..."

"I have no need for a drone's name!" Eggman said, cutting off Kurama's words halfway.

The nine-tailed fox really considered firing off a bijuu dama at the said man but until decided to put it off until he really understand the whole situation he was in.

"Bla! bla! Bla! World Domination. Bla! Bla! Bla! No one can stop me, Bla! Bla! Bla!"

Kurama turned toward Sonic who had taken the time to lie down. "Better get some nap. Since this is the first stage, he'll go on and on. In fact he manage to capture the animals on this island in the first place by boring them to sleep with his speech."

Two hours later,

"And that is why, you Sonic and Tails wouldn't be able to stop my evil genius!" Dr. Eggman said with a tone of finality.

Sonic was stretching his body as he got up from his sleep, yawning as he did so. "Okay, let's fight." He then prodded Kurama who was snoring and had a bubble forming on his snout. "Hey, wake up."

"Huh?"

"He finished his rant already."

It was then they saw a mobile with a drill appeared from a nearby bush and moved until it was directly under the villain's vehicle. Then the Eggmobile descended and then linked up with the mobile drill.

The combined vehicle then moved toward Sonic and Kurama. "Ha! ha! ha! I will defeat the two of you!"

Kurama watched as the thing moved toward them.

Two minutes later he was still watching the thing moved toward them.

Another minute and he was still watching. "Slow," he said with a sweatdrop.

"It's always like that to allow you to get used to your speed. Wanna try your new attack?" Sonic offered.

"Sure!" Kurama said he ran toward the mobile, jumped and performed his Tail Flail Attack. In one shot, the thing was destroyed by multiple hits from his tails and exploded.

Sonic point toward Dr. Eggman's mobile. "Now, use Tackle Attack!"

"Pika!" Kurama said as he rammed into the villain and sent him skyward.

"Team Eggman blasting off again..." Dr. Eggman said as he disappeared over the horizon.

"Great show there, buddy!" Sonic praised his partner. "Now we don't to have worry about Dr. Eggman for a while... and worry about a possible subpoena from Nintendo for stealing their ideas from Pokemon."

-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-K TNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-

**Chemical Plant Zone**

"Bad Tails!" Sonic said while giving an admonishing look at Kurama. "Flickies are friends!"

Kurama kneeled down and put his paws on his head, looking like a dog that had been properly chastised. Former walking engine of destruction, that he was, but Kurama never attacked indiscriminately. Well, there's the matter regarding the fight with Shodaime as the other one with Yondaime, but he was ordered to do so, so those fights didn't count.

The thing was, being a badass meant being able to control your power and direct it positively, or his case, destructively. For example, Kurama had defeated a powerful Konohan kunoichi but it was an accident and he didn't mean to step on her while she was in the middle of performing a powerful jutsu; it's just that she was so small that Kurama didn't even know that she was around until he felt that squishy feeling under his front right paw. Some may say that it was directed attack but those people didn't know what a pain it was to get rid of the stain from the paw and Kurama would have been very happy firing an overpowered bijuu dama at the said person instead.

To test out his abilities, Kurama had been firing off a few very low bijuu damas at few statis targets since they arrived at the Chemical Plant Zones and the result showed that the severely underpowered bijuu damas would be enough to break the cybernetic shells that was keeping the denizens of the South Island trapped inside them. So when he tried an actual attack on the a group of badnicks, he used an energy output of 1/1,000,000th of his maximum power output so that the attack would only destroy. However, instead of that, he miscalculated and used 1.5/1,000,000th instead.

Apparently it was still a magnitude over what was safe.

End result : barbecued flickies and other critters.

That failure was a blow to his pride as the mighty Kurama. Even though he didn't seem 'mighty' as he wasn't 50 meters tall but he still has a good portion of his strength and abilities which included good control of his youki chakra. While he may not really care about saving the critters, Kurama hated being out of control and the event showed that he wasn't in complete control of himself.

Besides, he was supposed to be one of the 'good guys' as Sonic said, and 'good guys' don't barbeque their friends. Even Doctor Eggman didn't do it and he was the villain.

While Kurama was reproaching himself silently, Sonic looked at the burnt off Flickies, at him and then at the Flickies again. With a flash the blue hedgehog appeared next to one of the burnt Flickies, pulled off a leg from the said bird, put it in his mouth and then pulled a bone bereft of any flesh. The hedgehog then threw the bone away.

"Hm... " he said thoughtfully while chewing the cooked poultry inside his mouth. "Well done, with skin burned off nice and crisp..."

Sonic licked his fingers and smacked his lips.

"Though a bit on the bland side. Some seasoning is needed. Maybe I should start carrying around some pepper and salt from now on."

He then turned back to glare at his companion once more. "Bad Tails!"

-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-K TNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-

**Aquatic Ruin Zone**

"So, where are we?" Kurama a.k.a. Tails asked.

"Aquatic Ruin," Sonic answered, accepting Tails's very fast speech progression without even batting an eyelid. "But there's a lot of water here," he continued, eyeing the area critically.

"Don't tell me you don't like water?" Kurama teased.

"A ha ha ha," the blue hedgehog laughed nervously. "Of course not."

"Just wondering," Kurama said. "Those chaos emeralds that we have collected and subsequently lost, what are they?"

"Oh, they're copies of that famous seven orange-colored balls that can grant the wish of the person that collects them but instead of a wish, chaos emeralds can grant the holder immeasurable power. That's why Dr. Eggman is searching for them, but hey, pretty much all the villains do that, including the original seven orange-colored ball series and that other series about a blonde ninja wearing orange jumpsuits."

Chaos emeralds were seven relics from lost civilisation that could be used for many things such as powering machines, allowing super transformation as well as warping space and time. Sonic believed that Dr. Eggman was searching for them as they could give him unlimited energy to power up the Badniks and all those machinery to take over the world.

The interesting information that Sonic revealed was that chaos emeralds could react, absorb and transform thoughts into power and vice versa. While he wasn't very sure, Kurama felt that that he had reached a conclusion on what _really happened_ that caused him to end up in the world. That explanation seemed likely since the two of them had scoured through many places searching for them without any success. Sonic had remarked that due to power emanation from the emeralds, it should have been easy to locate them and thus was surprised with their failure to find a single one.

He and the real Tails had swapped place.

If what he believed was right, then what his 'father', what Sage of Six Paths predicted wouldn't become true and all of the nine bijuu wouldn't become one as he was not amongst them. Unless his own prediction was wrong, he wouldn't ever return, because in order to return, the actual process would have to be reversed and even if he did his part here, there was an almost nonexistent chance that his counter-part would be able to recreate the same situation that caused the transfer. Even then, even on a infinitesimal chance that he and his counterpart managed to synchronised their efforts, there was no guarantee that their efforts would work.

To put it bluntly, he would be stranded there and Tails at his forever.

Strangely, that realisation didn't really sting him because all the while he was in his world, he had been subjected to various mistreatment such as capture attempts, attacks ordered against him, mind control and imprisonment in a very small cell, and did he mention capture attempts? Perhaps he had become jaded, but if he were to choose between being hunted by evil men all the time or hunting for an evil man, Kurama would always choose the later. Speaking of an evil man... "Are we waiting here because you don't want to go through all those water?"

"No!" Sonic denied, a little bit too spiritedly but then he caught hold himself. "Well, the thing is, I'm just thinking that it would be a good experience for you to try go and complete this level by yourself."

Kurama let out a long breath. "Very well, see you at the end of the stage."

Fifteen minutes later had the nine-tailed fox staring at the contraption Dr. Eggman was piloting around. An egg-shaped vehicle with a very big mallet attached to its body. Wow. it would be very embarrassing if he got squashed by that thing.

But then Eggman used the mallet to hit one of the two posts that were nearby and arrows came out of it. Surprised by what happened, Kurama barely evaded and got one of his shoulders hit. He had expected the arrow to bounce off but it wasn't. The hit was quite painful. And to his surprise and puzzlement, there was a lot of rings that came flowing out of him. He wasn't sure why but he quickly grabbed hold a few of those rings which then disappeared into thin air.

Kurama had a feeling that if he was hit with another attack while not having any of the rings with him, something bad will happen to him. Not wanting to take any risk, he quickly took care of Eggman with a single strike and the said villain hastily made his exit.

A nine-tailed strike that connected equaled to nine hits which was quite an unfair advantage. But Kurama was slower than Sonic and couldn't jump higher the said hedgehog.

"Hey! Good work, Tails!" Sonic praised as he arrived at the location.

"Well, on to the next stage!"

-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-K TNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-

**Casino Night Zone**

Kurama stared at the words floating above him and gave Sonic a questioning look. "Casino Night Zone?"

Sonic chuckled.

"Wouldn't this be a bad influence for minors? After all, we jumping around the place suggests that we're endorsing people to go to casino and get their money cleaned up." Living for a long time, Kurama was familiar with such places where human went to take risks in promise of greater rewards. So, even though the place where Sonic and he were at bore little resemblance to the one back in his world, he quickly knew it as they operated on the same premise of risks and rewards.

He had once calculated the odd of a casino patron making money off the risks taken, a being that could live for a long long time needed to do something to do to pass the time after all, and arrived at the conclusion that, most often it would be the owners who will make the money, not the people. They do let the patrons win, of course but that was to whet their greediness.

"Eh," Sonic said, "Well, we'll hand wave it as being acceptable since this was built by Eggman and we're actually here to stop him.

"So... if we destroy some of things here aside the computer monitor, it's okay?"

"Sure, I guess. This not Las Vegas but anything you do here stays here. But why do you want to do that?"

Kurama broke open a nearby slot machine and a lot of rings came tumbling around which he then took.

"I've always wanted to break the bank."

-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-K TNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-

**Hill Top Zone**

Kurama finally understood why he was small despite retaining most of his powers. Sonic and he had split up in order to cover the grounds. While going through the area, he encounter Fire Unidus, a bean like machine with four fireball floating around it. After the thing had tried to set fire on him of all people, Kurama in his annoyance instinctively slapped it away even though it was quite a distant. At that time, his paw grew to a big proportion and hit the Unidus away to beyond the yonder.

The good news was he gained a new attack : Bitchslap no jutsu, er, maybe Sonic could come up with a better non jutsu name.

The bad news was he could do it once, probably as a finishing move because his paw would get so big and heavy that he couldn't get it off the ground unless he transformed it back to normal.

One of the other thing he noticed in regard to the attack, it was quite hard to see around with his hand covering most of his eyesight. If he maintained his original size, his single paw alone would have covered the screen almost all of the most of the time.

Imagine a television being displaying only different shades of orange color. Wouldn't the viewers think that it was broken?

-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-K TNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-

**Mystic Cave Zone**

"Here, tuck in!" Sonic said as he handed Kurama an oblong bread with a cylindrical thing on it and topped with what seemed to be ground and spiced ground meat

Kurama took the thing close to his snout to take a whiff. "What is this?"

"It's a chilli dog."

"What kind of dog is it?"

"Err..."

-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-K TNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-

**Oil Ocean Zone**

"Dr. Eggman! We have come to defeat you," Sonic said as he pointed at the said obese villain who was inside a submarine.

"Wait!" Dr. Eggman said while clambering up to the top hatch of the said submarine, holding his hands up with one of them waving a white flag. "Truce!"

"Oh, and why must we accept your truce?"

"I'll give you the master control to this place as long as you let me leave in peace," the man said as he pulled out the purported device from his pants pocket. "Here," he said as he throw it slowly toward the two heroes.

"Tails."

Understanding what Sonic was telling him to do, Kurama caught hold of the remote control without problem.

"Tell me why are you so eager to leave this place? And why should we let you go?" Sonic said, preparing to strike Eggment's submarine.

"I've made a mistake in regards to this place, okay? I shouldn't have made this place one of my bases."

"And why is that?"

"If we fight here, do you know what will happen to us?"

Sonic looked all around him. "Oh." They were surrounded by oil. Oil Ocean Zone. It was a wonder that there were spikes, springs and other contraption all over the place but there wasn't a single 'no smoking' sign.

It was a miracle nothing happened yet.

"Okay, here's what the three of us is going to do: we will leave this place very carefully, so as not to cause any spark or cause an explosion. "Now, very slowly, we walk away...

Kurama hiccuped, as the chilli dogs he ate too fast on the way to the place came back to haunt him with a vengeance.

Sonic turned toward him with alarm. He still remembered that neat attack his companion was able to perform using his mouth.

"No, Tails, close your mouth before..."

The three of them didn't need to do anything else to travel to Metropolis Zone as the resulting explosion propelled them to that place.

-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-K TNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-

**Metropolis Zone**

"You know," Sonic said as Kurama and he smashed through the current level they were in, "It's a good thing that Dr. Eggman is quite stupid in some other things, even though he's a genius in some other things."

"Why do you think he's stupid?"

"Didn't you notice all of his the inventions we fought along the way?"

"I can see that." There was the drill mobile in the Emerald Hill Zone that was defeated pretty easily but the madman went on and used the same idea in Mystic Cave Zone, only adding another drill and using hover instead of wheels for propulsion. The other weapons weren't so hot either, well, except the one found on Hill Top Zone which was hot figuratively but a weapon firing lava should be hot.

Sonic spin dashed into a Badnick and broke it, releasing the trapped animal inside. "I mean, he could have come up with a better scheme than this, I don't know, get rich first by building a lot of things and then use that money to take the world?"

"You're right," Kurama said as he performed his already named, 'Give me a hand' attack (Bitch slap attack was ruled out as the word 'bitch' was deemed inappropriate for little children) on another one.

"The only thing worse than his current hare-brained scheme is something on a grandiose level, I don't know, maybe turn the moon into a giant hypnotism machine to control everyone?"

Meanwhile, in another dimension, an evildoer with spiky black hair and orange-colored spiral mask sneezed.

"Tobi is a good boy, that's why people praise Tobi!"

-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-K TNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-

**Sky Chase Zone**

"We have to chase after Dr. Robotnik, er, Eggman!" Sonic said as he looked at the mammoth flying fortress that slowly lifting off away from the Metropolis Zone. "Tails, you have to fly the Tornado so I can get to the fortress and stop it before it goes off to space!"

"I don't think we have the time for me to learn how to fly that thing, unless you want us to be part of accident statistics."

"But what we can do?" Sonic said mused while thinking. "Maybe I can fly the plane instead and you attack?"

"Maybe I can just shoot at it from here," Kurama suggested.

"How?"

"Stand back," The nine-tailed fox before he began concentrating. A small sphere of black energy appeared in the air in front of his mouth and it began to ripple more and more as Kurama kept energizing it. After doing so for more than ten seconds, he unleashed his attack. A powerful beam of reddish energy blasted through the sky and pierced through the fortress. At first, nothing seemed to happen as it continued its ascent, but a few seconds later chains of explosions began to spread throughout the ship and it started to fall toward the ocean below.

"Wow, Tails, you sure know how to pack them!" Sonic said as he stared at his partner's handiwork. He then realised something. "Hey, since you have something that powerful, why didn't you just blast Eggman away earlier? We could have defeated him without having to go through all those traps and enemies."

"Well, it's not that I don't want to do so and in fact almost did but then I noticed the thing below. If I did it earlier than this, we might have a little problem."

"What thing?" Sonic said as he looked below the platform. "I don't see anything"

"Look below," Kurama said as he pointed even further. "_Below"_

Sonic looked at the indicated place. "Oh..."

-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-K TNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-KTNTF-

**Wing Fortress Zone**

- no scene written -

**Death Egg Zone**

- no scene written -

**Ending**

* * *

a

* * *

Author's note

1. 'E' rating means 'Everyone' under the North American' ESRB Rating, so games that fit into this category contains very minimal violence and if any, it's normally 'cartoony' violence.

2. I actually had some misgiving writing this chapter as it's set in the Sonic Universe as opposed to Naruto and maybe not many people is familiar with the Sonic The Hedgehog 2, the game where Tails made his first appearance. But there's the matter explaining why Tails ended up in Konoha and vice versa for Kurama, tying up Kurama's ending (in a way) and providing a hint on what Naruto's development is going to be.

3. There were some ideas in regards to what happen next but unlike Naruto Universe, Kurama's adventure wouldn't have any plot. The ideas includes all of those other appearance in the Sonic games, and even in the Mario and Sonic olympics but I don't want to dwell much on it.

4. In case some of you are wondering, Kyuubi blasted Eggman too early that 'the game' ended prematurely.


	6. The time before school daze starts

Denden propped his chin on the shop counter, yawning in boredom. While his beloved Meimei normally accompanied him, she was currently was off to visit her relatives outside the village representing their family while his seven year-old daughter was attending the academy. It was that time of the year where the business was a bit slow and he was left with not much thing to do except mind the shop waiting for occasional chuunin or jounin coming to stock up their weapons and civilians wanting to buy their kitchen knives.

Sometimes, it was a boring job operating a weapons smith shop. But Denden was willing to endure the boredom because there would be moments that made his time spent waiting listlessly in the shop worthwhile.

For example, whenever there was a chuunin or jounin examination coming up, there would be a chuunin or jounin hopeful that would come to his shop, looking for the lightest kunais and shuriken, the strongest and sharpest sword and the most powerful seal tags they could afford to buy; the best weapons on offer that would help in attaining the coveted ranks.

After that, those that were skilled and fortunate enough to be promoted normally would come to his shop to buy more weapons to replenish those used up during the examination as well as celebrate their passing by splurging their saving on those exotic but not necessarily more useful weapon such as a sword with specially designed slits that would cause it to produce a louder 'whooshing' sound during a slash or even a fashion accessory such as a big, colourful and more importantly needlessly heavy rope that were big enough to tie a ship which instead would be tied around one's waist area with a corresponding bow tie knot at the back.

While money was important, the satisfaction of seeing joy on their faces that kept him going. The only thing that could match that feeling of accomplishment was the faces of the prospective shinobis and kunoichis as they explore his shop with their parents few days before their enrolment at the Konoha Shinobi Academy. While civilian children fret about the number of colour pencils, stationeries and the design of the school bags they would persuade their parents to buy, the future shinobis and kunoichis would tug their parents' cloth and point towards the racks displaying kunais, senbons, shurikens, weapon pouches or in the special case of Akamichi children, junk food flavoured children-sized food pills.

But since the next enrolment would only commence in four months' time, he didn't expect any child to be coming to the shop soon as being a weapons shop, the child would need to be accompanied by his parents or in the case of an orphan, appointed guardian to be able to buy anything.

Without moving his head, Denden's eyes slowly drifted downwards.

A short blonde-haired boy, wearing a bright orange uniform and a pair of goggles on his forehead was standing in front of the counter, looking at him expectantly.

His eyes slowly drifted back to their original positions.

Hmm… he didn't expect any child to come to his shop at the moment.

Denden's eyes slowly drifted downwards once more.

The boy was still there, this time jumping and waving his hand to attract his attention so either he was dreaming that he was awake, minding the shop when the boy came or he was actually awake, minding the shop when the boy came. "What do you want, kid?" he drawled lazily, half expecting the boy to be trying to purchase weapons without his guardian.

"Jiji recommended you as the best metal smith in the village, so I would like to ask you to build something."

A half grin formed on Denden's face at that compliment. "Oh, and who is this 'Jiji' of yours?"

"Hokage-jiji."

The shop proprietor lowered the hand that was propping his chin and leaned forward a bit to have a closer look at the boy. Whiskers-like marking on the face. The jinchuuriki. "Thank you for your good work so far, kid."

"Huh?" the boy asked, not understanding why the man thanked him.

"So, about the thing you want me to build, do you have his permission?" Denden asked, subtly changing the subject.

"Ah," the kid said, remembering the reason why he came to the place. He fished out a piece of paper from the left breast pocket of his jacket and handed it to Denden.

Denden looked at the paper. At a first glance, it was an authentic note from the Hokage authorising him to build something on a plan that Naruto would give to him and charge everything to Hokage Office. The Hokage making such concession was a bit strange but not that unexpected. However… "Hey kid, this thing that the old go… your jiji asks me to build for you, did you come up with it?"

"Yeah," the kid said as he handed out a small scroll to the man who opened and studied the content and frowned.

"Kids your age are still drawing clouds and suns with crayons and you managed to come with something resembling a schematic?"

"What's a kema...tiks?"

"Drawing of things that people refer to when they want to build something."

The jinchuuriki nodded in understanding.

"So, what is it? From the drawing, it seems that you want to create hollow coils that have metallic fins all over them. I would guess some sort of chainmail that you will wear at the front and the back of your body but it's too big for you and the construction is too fragile to really protect your body." Denden held the plan sideways. "Maybe some sort of a torture device where the body of the person being tortured will forced through the fins, causing immeasurable pain to him. Then again, it looks like a blunt force weapon, like a giant fly swatter if a handle is added, so…"

"Um, sir, I'm not trying to build a weapon," the boy said but his words felled on deaf ears as Denden was engrossed in his own musing, tried to come up with the diabolical purpose the item was supposed to have.

-ToN-

-ToN-

Sato was a normal mild-manner chuunin who worked as a bureaucrat at the Hokage tower, whose fast and efficient work was marred by his tendency to play truant or take unexpected leave, leaving his direct supervisor with grief as a complain couldn't be raised against him as work completed means there was no need for him to be there. There were some exceptions to that where a job required the worker to be there at all time. One of those would be the guard detail at the main door to the village whose job was simply to stand there as a visual warning to the people coming in, even as there were unseen guards watching over the perimeter as well. The job was so simple that it was it was considered a D-level grade job even though the pay was C-level. The difference in grade level was due to the fact that if enemy launch the attack, the enemy would naturally target those seen guarding the main door first.

Despite his supervisor's lament, Sato really had a real good reason for the situation for being absent often as he was actually Chameleon, the masked ANBU who fought for truth, justice and the Konoha Way!

Caveat applied, as he fought for truth and justice, as long as the two didn't clash with the Konoha Way.

He actually wore a camouflage cape for the first three missions but found out a lot of his colleagues 'accidentally' stepped on it and excused themselves by saying that they didn't see the cape. In the end, he had to stop using it as the situation had become annoying.

Part of being Konoha's ANBU meant he was assigned dangerous or top secret missions or both but it did has its perks. For example, the chance to test Uzumaki's invention. Although it wasn't exclusive and was supposed to be offered to everyone who was interested, it would be ANBUs who would find out about it first as the boy's was practically their adopted son.

Some more veteran ones even had 'diapers' stories.

But to actually volunteer to test one of Naruto's inventions was a crazy thing to do as one of the things that became noticeable regarding that idea was that the boy's prototypes tended to malfunction a lot and in some instance explode.

One must be crazy indeed which was why there was a lot of volunteers for the chance to do it and Sato actually had to draw lots to get his turn. That overwhelming reaction to the testing mission was even before 'Cockroach' turned up at the HQ with an 'Explosive Discovery' patch sewed to his uniform. Added to that was 'Otter's proposal for a betting ring to be set up to determine the time length before Naruto's next prototype malfunctioned and the way it happened; testing Naruto's inventions had become a favourite past time among ANBUs.

For some unexplainable reasons, 'Cockroach' seemed to win quite a few of those bets that some were suspicious of foul play.

Then again they were also suspicious of 'Bear' who didn't participate in the betting.

But not all prototype Naruto created malfunction, one being the white appliance installed in his kitchen which was being looked upon by his friend with a very big frown.

"How could you?" his friend asked him, in a slightly high pitch, not shrieking, voice.

"How could I what, Eiji?" Sato asked back, clearly confused.

"You're... This! This!" Eiji pointed out the humming piece of equipment.

"This?" Sato asked while opening what seemed to be the door on the thing, resulting cold air flowing out of the thing.

Eiji jumped back in alarm. "What the hell? Hyoton no jutsu? Or is it the cold breath of Shinigami?"

"Neither. It is a rei-fu-ji-ra-to" His friend took something from inside of the said machinery and tossed it at him.

On reflex, Eiji caught the thrown item but upon touching cold surface of the thing, let out a shout of alarm, not shrieking of course, and released it. The item hit the floor with a solid thunk sound. Although he was a trained shinobi and was supposed to put some distance between him and any object that could pose some danger to him, in his panic Eiji crouched next to the thing, closed his eyes and put his fingers in his ears waiting for an explosion that would never come.

When nothing happened for a few seconds, he opened his eyes and cautiously looked at the thing.

"It's only a can of beer," Sato said while putting away the camera he was holding in his hand. A good shinobi should always search for possible blackmail materials, even on allies.

"The can is cold!"

"It's not the first time you held a cold can of liquor," Sato scoffed, "Heck, the first time we sneaked off to drink sake when we're 15 years old, it was in the middle of frigid winter!"

Strangely enough, even though getting a ninja license meant getting a license to kill in the name of the hidden village, it didn't mean the person was allowed to drink liquor. Despite it being argued a logical conclusion by some, er, ninjas, old enough to kill _did not equate _to being old enough to drink. So, if someone was a shinobi, or kunoichi depending on gender, that someone can be ordered to kill but he or she was prohibited from taking alcoholic beverages until they reach twenty years of age.

Sure, some might protest about it now and then but since getting drunk and doing something stupid wasn't crucial compared to killing in the name of the village, the rule remained in force. In fact, Sunagakure prohibited alcohol consumption by everyone in the village, shinobi or not, due to its diuretic property; wasting water was considered sacrilegious.

Drinking with the summon's boss was necessary, a few of them tried to point out, but the argument was ignored since getting a humongous summon with a penchant of emptying crates and crates of liquor was an exception rather than the norm. Besides, if the Yellow Flash waited until he was twenty years old before he had a drinking ceremony with Gamabunta and he was 'the man', others could surely wait until they were twenty years old to drink with their 'Boss Pigeon Summon' or 'Boss Sword Summon' or just about any kind of sad excuse they tried to pass off as a boss summon.

Yes, drinking while being a minor was against the law throughout the land. Even villains and antagonists respected that. As villains, they killed innocent people, take over the land and basically committing atrocities here and there. One of them would be known for massacring his own clan in order to test his power even though one had to wonder how infants and toddlers could be used to measure that person's power. Despite all of those dastardly things the villains did, there was not a single underage villain drinking his life away. On the other hand, in the future, one of the protagonist' allies would use drunken fist while in the state of inebriation even though he was underage but it had to be pointed out that he drank liquor by accident.

Strange, but it was the fact of life in Konoha and the world of shinobi.

On another note, there was no need to dress up in black, go up to a bar to order a beer and then brag to a superior, which would normally be more powerful, that 'old enough to kill, old enough to drink' just to make oneself look cool. After all, being a jackass was an invitation for one's ass to be kicked. To be cool, one should emulate someone like Yondaime who didn't wear black, was polite to the point of being annoying to his enemy _and more importantly _the one kicking butts.

"Yeah, but this is summer!" Eiji argued. "The can is supposed to be warm." He watched as Sato took another can from the rei-fu-ji-ra-to, opened it and took a gulp. "And the can is supposed to splash the face of the person who open it!"

Sato lowered his can. "Now you're being impossible. Look, the cans are cold because they were stored inside this thing. I'm not exactly sure how it works, but the box basically summons the warmth from the things stored inside the box to this place here," he said while gesturing to the coil-like structure behind the appliance. "So, the things inside become cold and last longer… I think."

"See? And you don't even know how it really work. What if it kills you?"

"Is that so? The seal box didn't kill me and I don't know how it works too."

Both the refrigerator and the seal box had the same function, which was to keep food fresher longer. While the seal box's primary function was to keep the food stored in it in an almost stasis state where the time would pass slower inside the box, the former kept food cold to make it last, something Sato didn't understand but didn't care as long as it worked. While each had their respective advantages and disadvantages, Sato personally preferred the former more as the drinks that became chilled when stored inside it was more refreshing when drunk compared to one from the seal box which was maintained at room temperature. Admittedly, he was also biased, as he was involved in the general construction of the refrigerator while Naruto worked on its inner working.

"But..."

"Nope. Fresh out of that particular brand. Don't like the taste either."

"But you're using an abomination created by," Eiji stopped and looked around him nervously, "Kyuubi"

Sato rolled his eyes. "Well, I guess I am using the device... But you know what? It doesn't do anything harmful. Besides, Hokage-sama and Jiraiya-sama already cleared this for testing."

"But..."

"Look, I've seen the kid and I don't think he's Kyuubi and neither Jiraiya-sama nor Hokage-sama. If you're not best buddy of mine, I would have kicked you in the balls for suggesting such a thing without you even spending a minute with him. Look, even if the kid is Kyuubi, which I insist he's not, you have to admit this is useful."

"Maybe it's a trap. Let's say I have one of those, and eventually everyone inside the village gets one. One day, the traps inside them activates, freezing everyone causing Konoha to be defenceless."

"I'm sure Kyuubi needs to come up with an elaborate and complex method to kill you even though it can do so with the force of its fart. Besides, this thing," Sato said while touching the refrigerator, "has a special function,"

"What?" Eiji asked sceptically.

"Sorry for the intrusion," a female voice announced in the typical Konohan culture before a beautiful female appeared at the kitchen entrance. "I saw the main door is open and heard your voice in the kitchen, so I let myself in."

"Oh, it's you, Akiko. I'm expecting you," Sato answered. He then introduced Eiji who smiled at the girl, opened the refrigerator's door to take out a small but slightly tall box, ribbons tied up beautifully, from inside it and then give it to the girl. "Here you are, as promised."

"What is it?" the girl asked carefully. "_His_?"

"One of _my_ inventions, fortunately," Sato answered.

The girl pouted cutely. "Then, there's no fun,"

"Oh, I won't be so sure. Please bring it home carefully, as fast as you can."

"That's all? What's inside this box?"

"Secret. When you open it at home, you'll know it. Remember, keep it a secret or you will regret it,"

"Really?" Akiko asked with disbelief in her voice.

Sato grinned. "Really. I'm not stopping you if you want to tell someone else but I suggest you see what it is first." He gestured toward Eiji, "Even my best friend here doesn't know what's inside the box, so you should know that it's a hush hush."

"I don't see why it's a hush hush, but I will see it first like you suggested," the girl said before disappearing through a leaf shunshin.

Sighing, Sato went to get a broom and a dust pan to sweep away the leaves left over by the technique. "It's okay for her to do that, but if you leaves my house via shunshin too, I'm going to bomb your apartment with itching powder.

"Where did you meet that gorgeous girl?"

"Well, somewhere," That somewhere was the ANBU headquarters. And her mask was one of a fly. Not butterfly or firefly; just fly.

"Still available?"

"Not for long."

"Confident, aren't you?" Eiji smirked while waggling his eyebrows. "Care for some competition?"

"I'm confident enough to bet you three months' salary, because I have this," Sato said while patting the fridge "and my secret weapon."

"Secret weapon?"

"I call it, _ice cream._"

-ToN-

-ToN-

Naruto stared at the man's back, trying to find out what was strange with the logo he was looking at. The long grey coat was out of place enough on the police officer, though nothing he couldn't explain. But the logo, there was something jarring regarding the logo. It had that familiar four edges shuriken logo, and… then he noticed what was different: instead of a fan, there was a Konoha leaf symbol in the middle. Wondering why the man was wearing a slightly different logo, he ran to the front of the man. The man wearing a black sunglasses, covering his eyes, standing quietly and not saying anything at all even though he should have detected Naruto's presence for the last five minute.

It then clicked in Naruto's mind. "You're from the Aburaage clan, aren't you?"

"Aburaage is tofu which had been fried in fat, in which the cooking technique imparted its crispy appearance and delicious taste," the man answered in a monotonous voice.

"I see." Naruto said, arms crossed while he nodded his head a few times. "So, may I bite you to have a taste?" he said, expression hopeful while his hands held a small bowl and a pair of chopsticks.

The man was quiet for some time. "I belong to the Aburame clan, Uzumaki-san."

"Oh, okay," Naruto said.

The two were quiet.

"So, about that permission to bite you?" The chopsticks was opened and closed a few times, making small snapping sounds.

Despite the sunglasses it was evident that the man raised his eyebrows at the question. "I am not an aburaage, Uzumaki-san. My clan's name is Aburame, which you mispronounced as aburaage. Despite the two sounding similar, I assure you that I am not made out of fried tofu and thus I'm not crispy and delicious."

"Oh! Why didn't you just say so?" Naruto said as he put away the bowl and the chopsticks.

"I did, Uzumaki-san but I made some errors regarding your inference capability which is significantly higher than a normal child, but significantly less compared to an adolescent and even more compared to a normal adult."

"Hm… I see. You're an aburag, Aburame, right?" Naruto said, confirming what the man had told him.

"Indeed."

"Why are you wearing a logo similar to the police force?"

"I am carrying out my duty as a police officer,"

"Wow. I thought the police is staffed by the Uchiha clan."

"The statement was correct up to the date of the police force reorganisation. Now, while the overall police force is still under Uchiha's administration, a part of the police also includes members of other clans."

Naruto nodded, fully interested in what he was hearing.

"Three departments have been established which are Intelligence-Counterintelligence, Canine and Surveillance where each department is headed by a clan member of Aburame, Inuzuka and Hyūga respectively, but may draw members from other clans,"

"So, since you belong to the Aburame clan, you probably belong to the interi… intelligen-ko…"

"Intelligence-Counterintelligence," the Aburame police officer said to help. "Indeed, I am currently undertaking a mission under that division."

"So what do you do?"

"Working with the Intelligence-Counterintelligence Division, my primary objective is to gather information regarding any possible hostile, neutral and allied person or organisation for collection, analysis or exploitation in support of Konoha's short-term tactics and long-term strategies. At the same time, I'm also tasked with preventing other entities from obtaining information from Konoha that would be used to further their own agenda instead. There are…"

The man trailed off as he noticed the glazed look on Naruto's face.

"...I place bugs on people to spy on them,"

"Oh! That's cool!"

The man tilted his head a bit. "Forgive me for asking but you're heading somewhere else when we met, aren't you?"

"Hey, that's right! I'm supposed to meet the jiji. See you." One moment Naruto was there, the next only cloud of dust remained.

"He really bugs you with those questions," a man remarked from behind him.

The Aburame didn't need to move to know who the man was. "You have been waiting to use that pun didn't you, Head of Surveillance Department, Hizashi Hyūga?"

A man similar to Hiashi, but with a forehead protector on his head, moved next to the Aburame. "I don't fancy seeing you working as police officer, Shibi-sama."

"If you are addressing me with the honorific just to get a rise out me, you will be disappointed, Hizashi. As for your starement, I am filling in for one of my clansmen temporarily to get the experience and the feel of how the organisation works."

Hizashi chuckled. "Yes, and you get to put bugs on people, like you told Uzumaki-kun."

"True enough, but it is not as interesting as your department's work description."

"And why is that?" Hizashi challenged.

"While my department put bugs on people, but it is your department that goes around peeping on people," Shibi said with a hint of smugness in his voice.

ToN-ToN-ToN-ToN-ToN-ToN-ToN-ToN-ToN-ToN-ToN-ToN-To N-ToN-ToN-ToN-ToN-ToN-ToN-ToN-ToN-ToN-ToN-ToN-ToN- ToN-ToN-ToN-ToN-ToN-ToN-ToN-ToN

"Jiji," Naruto said as he entered the door. "Oh wait!" he said as he grabbed something from the air and a golden ring flashed, accompanied by a tingling sound. "There's another one here," he explained.

The appearance of those rings was still a very vexing matter to Sarutobi. When Jiraiya saw it a few months prior, the sannin was also surprised but got over it surprisingly fast, telling _him_, of all people, that there was still a lot of things in the world that they didn't know yet and overreacting over something not known wasn't a good thing to do. On the plus side, Naruto had stopped talking about his 'invisible friend' anymore.

"Naruto, good to see you. So, how can I help you?"

Naruto who was giving a cursory look around the room turned toward his grandfather figure. "I'm here to ask you about genjutsu."

The Hokage couldn't help smiling at those words. At least Naruto was interested enough to read the basic book on ninja that he gave the boy. "All right. What do you want to know?"

"According to the book, genjutsu can cause me to see monsters even though there's no monsters, right?"

Sarutobi leaned forward, his face a bit more serious as Naruto's statement implied that the boy was about to ask something bad. "Go on,"

"So, I have two questions. First, can a genjutsu make something dark look brighter? Secondly, can genjutsu be put into an object so that it can be activated by me?"

Sarutobi leaned back in relief. "May I ask why do you ask those two questions? It would allow me answer more accurately."

"Well, sometimes I want to test things in the dark but if I switch on the light, it is not dark anymore. So, I want the whole place dark but I can see around as if it's not dark," Naruto explain before laughing a bit. "Sounds weird, doesn't it?"

Weird, but it was understood by Sarutobi easily, though he himself wondered what kind of things Naruto wanted to test. But that was something he had to look at later as he was quite occupied at the moment. So, even though the concept was quiet interesting to explore, he should make sure that all of his work for the day had to be finished before he could even entertain the thought of going home. Now, how to help the boy?

"ANBU."

An ANBU agent wearing a wolf mask appeared, kneeling before him. "What is your order, Hokage-sama?" he asked in a crisp and professional manner.

"Tell Orochimaru to come to the office. Tell him that I would like to discuss with him about one of Naruto's ideas."

"At once," the ANBU said before disappearing

Ten seconds later, there was a burst of smoke and Orochimaru appeared. "You called me, sensei?"

Sarutobi didn't immediately answer Orochimaru's question but looked at his clock. "The ANBU I sent to fetch should arrive at your office in three minutes time."

"Indeed he should," Orochimaru answered.

The Third Hokage squinted his eyes at his former student. "Were you lurking around my office waiting for Naruto to arrive here?"

"Maybe…"

"And you didn't appear earlier because you want 'Wolf' to waste his time going to your tower, then being told to wait while the staff is searching for you only to be told after twenty minutes that you're not at the office?"

"Yes, though I instructed Kabuto to keep him waiting for another hour."

"And all that..."

"For my amusement," Orochimaru answered, smirking.

"Whatever. I don't want to think about it. You heard about what little Naruto here want, didn't you?"

"I do and I'm intrigued with the idea."

While the expression on Orochimaru's face was normal, even borderline bored when seen by other people, Sarutobi wasn't other people. If he was to describe it, he would have said that the man's eyes were actually twinkling, like the eyes of a kid inside a candy store and was told to take anything desired, or like the eyes of a snake that had been put into a pen full of plump rabbits. "It seems that you have some other ideas?"

"I do, both for civilian and military use."

"Military use?"

There was another cloud of smoke, and Danzo stepped out of it. "Then we should carry out the research for its military use," he stated solemnly.

The Third Hokage squinted his eyes at his former rival. "Have you been stalking me since morning to wait for me to discuss military matters before making your appearance?"

"Don't suggest something ridiculous," Danzo scoffed. "I've been here since last night."

Sarutobi massaged his temple in irritation. "Maybe we should be discussing about village matters as well, if Koharu and Homura were here with you since last night," he said sarcastically.

There were yet another two bursts of smoke and Koharu and Homura appeared, indignant. "We were here since yesterday morning," Koharu stated.

"Oh god!" Sarutobi groaned. "Why don't everyone hiding inside this office appear right now so that we can talk about whatever it is you want to talk about instead of waiting for the opportunity to make your entrance?"

Like magic, multiple bursts of smoke began erupting inside the room accompanied by their respective popping sounds as more and more ninjas that were waiting to make their entrance appeared. While this was happening, Orochimaru turned toward Naruto. "Since your Jiji would be quite busy for a while, why don't we go and get some ramen or udon while you describe to me your idea in more detail?"

"Okay!"

While both he and Naruto began to walk out of the office, leaving Sarutobi to his stalkers, Orochimaru reminded himself to make sure to ask the Ichiraku Ramen for the receipt. It would make the process of billing the whole expenditure to the administration office much easier. Since he was feeling rather magnanimous, maybe he should make use of the opportunity to order ramen to be delivered for his staff. After all, why should he be stingy since it would be the village that would cover the bill?

"Ah, before I forget," Sarutobi called out despite being swarmed by other people in his office. "Remember to by the office tomorrow to discuss regarding the school, er make it the day after."

"All right!"

Meanwhile, at Konoha Shinobi Academy, a young man was smiling nervously as everyone's attention was focussed on him.

"Everyone, meet Umino Iruka, the new assistant teacher," the principal of the Konoha academy said while gesturing toward the newcomer.

"I will be in your care so please guide me," Iruka said while bowing deeply in the direction of other teachers. As a very young Chuunin that had been accepted into the academy, there was a lot to learn and he would need the guidance from others.

"Okay," the principal said while looking around, "Take your seat over there," he pointed at an empty space.

"Yes." Iruka said as he moved to the indicated place.

"Very well, that's that. That leaves the other thing that," The principal said as he scratched his head. "Ah yeah, I remember. Regarding the incoming Code Orange, have anyone of you come up with something?"

Code Orange? Iruka blinked. He had never heard about Code Orange when he was going through the orientation program so what was the principal referring to?

"How about Umino-san?" someone suggested.

Huh? That was the first day he started working at the academy and someone already volunteered him for something that he didn't know about?

Principal laughed very loudly, as if the suggestion was a very prosperous one. "Are you willing to be demoted to an assistant teacher position and your place be taken by Umino-kun?"

The one who suggested it actually seemed to consider it, to Iruka's consternation.

"I was joking, of course," the principal continued before the man could make his decision. "If a newcomer like Umino-kun was assigned to it and botched up, who do you think Hokage-sama would blame? Everyone except Umino-kun, of course!" the principal said jovially but there was no mistaking the serious message underlying the statement. "Oh well, it will take place two months from now, so there's a lot of time to think about it. If there's no solution, we'll have to do it by drawing lot."

There was a collective sigh in the room.

"Well, don't let it get it to you," the principal said before leaving the room. "But… I'm going to prepare my will just in case."

Iruka looked at the man leaving and then turned toward the woman next to him. "Um, ano…"

"Sawada. Sawada Aoihime."

"Sawada-senpai," Iruka said, using the family name and the appropriate suffix to address his senior. "What is 'Code Orange'?"

Sawada glanced around nervously before moving closer to him. "You know about Uzumaki Naruto?"

The boy being a jinchuuriki was an open secret to the whole village so even someone as young as Iruka knew about it. "Yes."

"He's going to enter academy this coming session."

"I see." Sure, the boy was a jinchuuriki, but he was still a boy, but why the fact the boy was going to attend the academy caused everyone's moral to drop down? "So, what's the problem?"

"The problem is the one who's going to teach him have to watch him or herself from giving special attention to the boy."

What? The teachers were afraid that they would end up giving preferential treatment to the boy? That was unexpected. When Iruka heard about the jinchuuriki going to the school, he expected something along the line of the teachers trying to _ignore _or even _actively sabotaging _the boy's education. But to actually fear that they would end up paying more attention to the boy? "Um… Sorry? Everyone's concerned that they would be paying more attention to him?"

Sawada sighed. "Since you're new, I'll explain it to you. What is one of the fastest ways for a kid to be ostracized by peers?"

"I'm not sure."

"By becoming a teacher's pet. So, if we pay more attention to him, we will end up making him a teacher's pet."

"Okay… but I still don't get it."

"Look underneath the underneath, Umino. What happens when he's being ostracized by his peers? Try putting yourself in his shoes."

"Um… Because of the pressure… he will intentionally sabotage himself so that he wouldn't become a teacher's pet anymore?" Iruka guessed.

"Correct. In worst case scenario, he will try to drop out. But that would create a perpetual cycle where the decline will cause the teacher to give more attention to him, which in turn will cause him to perform even worse and so on. The one who nominated you, Anon-san, had come up with the idea of adjusting his marks so that he would be above average but not in the top ten students but we wouldn't dare do it because we don't know what is Hokage-sama's actual expectation of the boy."

Iruka gawked. To think that all of the teachers were worrying about the boy becoming the teacher's pet was a bizarre concept. Deciding to play the role of devil's advocate, he asked, "So, why doesn't the teacher just ignore him?"

Sawada stared at him. "You're telling me that when the village's future super weapon enters your class, you're going to _ignore _him at the risk of you and your nearest family being subjected to physical torture, getting mind-rapped by the Torture and Interrogation before finally losing your heads when that future super weapon only managed to get a 'D' in mathematics?"

Now, that made sense to Iruka.

"Not only Hokage-sama is interested in him. It's just rumour but we heard that the whole ANBU is going to watch his progress through the academy,"

The ANBUs would be very much interested in Naruto's marks because their respective allowances have been channelled toward Otter's betting ring, not that the teachers in the academy would know about it. In fact, the teachers only came to know about ANBU's interest in Naruto's achievement through the ploy of one ANBU with a cockroach mask who did that in order to skew the bet in his favour.

"So, if we make sure that the boy gets top marks, we will end up discouraging him, thus setting us up for the chopping block. On the other hand, if we treated him normally or outright ignore him, we're also setting us up for the chopping block. In both cases, literally as well as figuratively."

"That kind of pressure, even discounting the rumour that I heard about the boy not being interested in becoming a shinobi." Anon, despite being three tables away, added uninvited. "I can already imagine it, 'Ah, Hokage-sama, the reason why he failed Ninja History is because I can't get him interested in the subject; but since he wanted to become a civilian anyway, please spare my family from becoming Manda-sama's offering." The man sighed loudly. "Ah, I wish I'm just an assistant teacher. Sure, the pay sucks, no offense Umino-kun, but at least I don't have to worry about it."

Multiple sighs echoed his feeling on that matter.

-ToN-

-ToN-

Naruto looked at the system that Orochimaru had created for him. While the sannin wasn't that good in seal compared to his counterpart Jiraiya, creating what Naruto had specified was an achievable target. There was small seal that functioned to detect the energy level of everything that in front. That seal in turn was connected to another seal that would recreate everything in the form of a genjutsu that would cause the user to see a representation of the things' energy level. In order to function, the two seals would be powered by another energy and switching on system would only involve the user to press a spot at the seal matrix. The only drawback of the system that it required chakra to function, something that Naruto didn't have access to. So, until he could do it by his own, he had to ask someone else to charge the power seal.

He activated the system and let the genjutsu engulf him, turning everything he saw into dark blue colour except a nearby heater and a spot on the ceiling were glowing in different colours. He deactivated it and everything he saw returned to normal. It wasn't exactly what he wanted as he expected everything to be in full colour when it was activated. But then a thought occurred to him. Naruto moved toward the heater, touched it only withdrew his hand quickly as the heater was switched on and was very hot.

It seemed that there was a connection between the glow and the temperature which required further testing.

Naruto brought out his tools. While he could barely write his name, more so write a seal, transplanting the seal into his intended item shouldn't be difficult. He could have asked the ANBU currently guarding him for help, but he didn't want anyone else to really know what he was doing. Besides, since the person was actually trying to be stealthy, the person was either a rookie, or one of those assigned to 'cool' masks.

Having listened to Naruto's idea, Orochimaru came up with a research to create a portable interrogation system for use by ninjas with weak genjutsu skill. He also had an idea to create a distraction seal tag where a hostile ninja activating the seal would be put under a simple genjutsu, providing friendly ninja with time to react accordingly. As for civilian usage, Orochimaru proposed a research to create a device that would allow patients recovering at the hospital wards to sleep without the need of a shinobi or kunoichi to administer the treatment.

Naruto? He didn't know what he was really doing but by the time he completed transplanting the system, he would have a rudimentary but still effective heat vision goggles.

* * *

a

* * *

**Author's note**

I actually don't have any problem with the 'old enough to kill, old enough to drink' statement. Logically it is sound, as indicated in the chapter above. But to have Naruto going into the bar to drink and someone (normally Jounin) asking about him being there only to receive 'old enough to kill, old enough to drink' implied that:

(a) everyone except Naruto were idiots for not realising such an obvious thing even though they were told to 'look underneath the underneath',

(b) Naruto was being rude unnecessarily.

If 'old enough to kill, old enough to drink' was true throughout the shinobi universe, then no self-respecting higher ranking ninja would ask Naruto about it since the same logic applied to them as well. So if they drink when they were younger since being old enough to kill meant old enough to drink, why the same rule shouldn't apply to everyone else?

On another side note, in the Invasion of Konoha Arc, Gamabunta told Naruto that the boy was too young to have a sake drinking ceremony with him, implying that even though Naruto was technically old enough to kill, he has to wait until he was older. Sure, although it may not be enforced vigorously, the legal drinking age in Japan is 20 years old even though one can join the JDF at the age of 18. Notice the similarity there?


	7. School and Cruel Problems

"It's been a while, Council Member A!" a man greeted his colleague as they walked through the entrance of the Konoha Council.

"Yeah. It's been a while since we convened, Council Member B. I wonder what should we demand from the Hokage this time?"

"What are you saying?" a female voice said from behind the two of them, causing them to jump in surprise.

"Mou, Council Member C, you nearly gave me a heart attack." Council Member B complained.

"I coughed a few times to get your attention but the two of you were too engrossed in your conversation and about what you said just now, Council Member A, if you please explain?"

"Well, it's this thing," Council Member A began his explanation. "Have you ever noticed that whenever we convened, it's normally to demand something from Hokage?"

"Now that you mention it, it does seem that way, doesn't it?" Council Member C admitted. "But that's normal, right, since the council is the place for people to make their needs or requests known."

"And that's the issue here,"

"Issue?" Council Member B asked.

"Even though the Council is supposed to discuss about such matters, the thing is we don't. Hokage always solve the problems without us needing to bring the matter up. Council Member C, remember what you said to me about asking some grants to test the new planting method introduced by the KRB?"

"Yes," Council Member C said while recalling the experimental method that the Konoha Research Bureau proposed that would increase the output by sixty percent by alternating the crops grown on a single plot of land. While the way Orochimaru letting that long tongue of his wander around as he explained to her about the method smacked of sexual harassment, she persevered and was left alone unmolested. Later on, his younger and more charming assistant told her that it was Orochimaru's way of testing her and she had passed rather splendidly, for a civilian of course.

"You told me that you're going to mention it in the Council Meeting,"

"Yes, but then Hokage-sama called me to his office and gave me the grant without me opening my mouth to tell him about it."

"That's pretty efficient of him," Council Member B remarked.

"Exactly. The administration of Konoha is very efficient in regards to that. In case you forget, our village is a shinobi village where information is being treated as precious commodity so it's not really surprising that Hokage-sama finds out and solves our problems without us needing to make the matter known which is why I began to notice one peculiarity with our Council Meetings."

"Peculiarity?"

"Konoha Council meets only to discuss two topics," Council Member A said while holding up two fingers.

"You mean…" Council Member C said, finally understanding what the man was saying.

"Those two."

"…I should have carried my knitting kit."

"I would have retired," Council Member B said, "But no one else is willing to take the job and the allowance is quite good for the occupational hazard."

-ToN-

-ToN-

"Ladies and gentlemen, I have a very important announcement to make," Sarutobi said as everyone's attention was upon him. "Uzumaki Naruto will be going to the Konoha Shinobi Academy starting next week."

A moment passed in silence.

"Naruto will go to the academy," Sarutobi maintained.

Council Member D felt her rib being poked by her colleague, Council Member F, _"Hey, it's your turn,"_ the slightly overweight woman whispered.

"_How can I protest?"_ Council Member D whispered back._ "My daughter and son are in the civilian school."_

"_Just protest and say something that would you look like an idiot such as the boy would create havoc or something like that." _

Council Member D nodded and was about to say something when someone else beat her to it.

"Wait!" a female voice called out with authority.

Everyone's eyes shifted to the speaker, a young woman with luxuriously long pink hair with vibrant violet eyes and a golden hair clip on the left side of her hair.

"I, Lacus Haruno, object to Uzumaki Naruto being trained in the way of the shinobi. If you prepare to forge a weapon to prepare for the war then the war will be your preparation." she said with conviction in her eyes.

Everyone was awed by her heartfelt speech and only few seconds later, Danzo managed to shake free of his own amazement to come up with a response. "Naruto have to be trained as a weapon for the good of the village."

"What are you fighting for? Is it the accolades you hope to receive or simply the order from your superior?"

"Naruto will fight," Sarutobi said while glaring at Danzo, "Not as a weapon but to safeguard this village's peace and protect it from evils that seek to destroy it."

Lacus shook her head sadly, "The choice we're making might be one of evil as well. For we call for peace, but with weapons in our hands. Nevertheless, allow us to break of endless conflict. Give us strength!"

"CUT!" Konohawood Film Producers Association representative, who finally broke out of his entrancement by Lacus' speech called out with a megaphone in his hand. "Lacus, you're supposed to screech like a banshee, at least before you deliver that inspiring speech."

"How do I make that sound, Director?" Lacus said as she turned toward the man with confusion on her face. "I've never heard a banshee screech. There's the RX-0 prototype Banshee, but I don't think its sounds can be considered as screeches."

Council Member C turned toward Konoha's Insurers Guild representative who was sitting next to her at that time; that man would surely be in the know of what was going on. "Why is there a foreigner in the council meeting?"

"Well, the thing is we must have a pink-haired female Council Member from the Haruno Clan that is supposed to screech like a banshee during the Council Meeting. We forgot about her last time, but this time we have to come prepared."

"But Haruno clan is not part of the council. And even if we ignore that, Haruno Mebuki's hair is not pink! It's blonde! And even her husband, Haruno Kizashi's so-called dull pink hair is actually closer to being violet."

"So, therein lies the problem. We don't have a pink-haired Haruno banshee."

"What is a banshee, anyway?"

"I don't know, some kind of bird, maybe? With pink-coloured feathers?" the Konoha's Insurers Guild representative guessed.

"I've never seen or even heard about such a bird. Why must we have someone play that part?"

"I don't know about it myself but it seems that it is expected of the civilian part of the Council. That's why the Konahawood producers pulled a lot of strings and managed to get Lacus Clyne, a bona fide pink-haired member of PLANT Council who is also a heroine, actress, singer, military dictator, genius, peace activist, enigmatic leader, angel descended, world saviour and everything rolled into one to play the role. The only thing Lacus lacks is Sharingan, but she had this super awesome mode called SEED."

Council Member C considered the said person. From the flow of thing, it would take a long time for them to finish 'discussing' the first item of the agenda which was Uzumaki Naruto's entry into the academy. 'Discussing' Uchiha Sasuke's entry into the academy would surely last just as long, if not longer. "Somehow, I don't think this Lacus Clyne is suited for this 'banshee' role."

"Well, you have to admit she has a nice voice and from what I heard it's fortunate that we can get hold of her. The other choice to play the role is Lala Satalin Deviluke and if the rumours about her are true, instead of worrying about how long the meeting would last, we have to be concerned about the meeting would either finish abruptly or wouldn't finish at all."

"Remember to put more passion into it when you make that ugly screeching sound!" Konohawood Film Producers Association representative called out to Lacus.

"Give me SCRRREEEEEECCCHH!"

-ToN-

-ToN-

Sawada would have claimed that she was blessed with suck but one blonde haired kunoichi that was gallivanting all over the Fire country blowing off her money gambling would disagree vehemently. Since no one couldn't come up with a better way to choose the teacher for the jinchuuriki's class, in the end they had to draw popsicle sticks and she ended up with the one that had 'loser' on it.

The openly smug look on other teachers' faces when she took the told her that she was somehow alone in the current situation.

Damn those bastards.

As she dragged her feet to her class, she took solace in the fact that she only had to teach the class for the first three years as per the normal procedure before another one would take over. Normally, parents were more forgiving of their children not being super achievers at everything at that stage. So, if she managed to screw up the Uzumaki boy's education during her tenure, hopefully it would remain unknown until later on when another poor fellow took over.

Stopping in front the classroom door, Sawada listened for the sounds the students made. While she wasn't the one that judged a book by its cover, she believed that observing her future pupils in absence of any adults around allowed her get a good understanding of their personality. For example, the kid whose speech was followed by puppy barks was most likely Inuzuka Kiba and from the way he boasted around, his personality would be similar to those of his clan. The girl who sounded aloof and almighty was probably Inoichi-san's daughter and from the way she spoke, it seemed that the Torture and Interrogation head had spoiled her a bit.

As for the jinchuuriki…

There was a small poof, signifying that something went off and all the students screamed. Sawada was about to open the door when it was knocked off its hinges toward her and she ended up on the floor with the door on top of her. Then the students started running out of the class in all directions while screaming and crying, stepping on the door as they did so, with her underneath it.

Sawada groaned as the last person ran, off, screaming about enemy attack. She slowly pushed off the door, and got up, cursing her first day already. She then saw one of her escaped students, a boy, was on a tree branch six meters from the ground, hugging it tightly. Getting the students to return to the class, or in the case of the boy, get down from the tree, would be a major pain in the ass.

Out of curiosity, she looked into the class room to see what happened. There were three boys that remained sitting on their seats. One of them, covered with soot all over his body that she could barely make out his blonde hair and the goggle that he was wearing. The boy grinned guiltily, his white molars were a bright contrast with the rest of his body. The one next to him was also covered by soot but seemed unconcerned by it as he snored away. The last boy who remained in the class, who was slightly blackened as he was seated a bit further from the two boys, had his hands under his chin while striking a serious, contemplative and _more importantly _a cool pose.

"Hn."

-ToN-

-ToN-

As she had expected, it took a bit of time and effort for Sawada to locate and retrieve all of the escaped children but she was experienced and managed to do so after an hour. Apparently the resident jinchuuriki decided to do something called 'soldering' and in the middle of it messed up, causing the mini explosion that drove everyone else into a panicked frenzy. They were seven years olds after all, so it was expected for them to panic. However, an explosion in a classroom wasn't.

"Okay, kids," she began, addressing the slightly dirtied kids in front of her, "You have learned a very important thing today. What do you think it is?"

A pink-haired girl raised her hand. "We must run away whenever there's an explosion?"

Not wanting to be left out, a platinum blonde girl raised her hand as well. "We must learn how to run faster!"

"Always find the highest one?" That one was from the boy who was stuck up the tree.

"Always locate the nearest escape point in case of anything," an Aburame boy said in a slightly nervous monotone. While Aburames were known for their stoic manner, the boy was still too young to be in control of his emotions. Besides, his kikaichuus was also inexperienced and the sight of smoke evoked a collective fear in them, reminding them of that one evil thing that shouldn't be named that could spew death at a single press…

"Hm… not exactly what I was searching for," Sawada said while sniffing around. She then pulled open a drawer on her desk to search for an air freshener. "The smell is a bit strong so I'll spray…"

"EAARGGH!"

There was a crashing sound and a small Aburame-shaped outline was left on the back door of the class.

-ToN-

-ToN-

After much delay, Sawada finally managed to get the whole class together again and this time decided to utilize one of her secret weapons of shamelessly bribing the children with chocolates and candy to keep their mind off leaving the class or in the case of the jinchuuriki, fiddling with something that will cause other students to leave the said class. Besides, being their first day in school, they weren't expected to learn anything important yet and it was up to the teacher to decide what to do. So, Sawada decided on the time-honored method of asking them about what they want to be when they grew up. Being the student of a shinobi academy, the normal ambitions could be summarised as the following:

1. Become Hokage

2. Become Hokage

3. Become Hokage

4. Become Clan Leader (for clan heirs. For that reason, 'Hn' was also translated as belonging to this category)

5. Join ANBU

6. Become Jounin

7. Become a powerful shinobi in a particular field (such as medic nin or weapon expert)

8. Get married and sleep all the time when not working (for Nara clan members)

9. Become a food taster (for Akimichi clan member)

10. Marry and become a good wife (for girls)

So Sawada merely smiled and nodded as each of the child told everyone about his or her dream, knowing very well that whatever that they say would fall into those ten categories. The only person that she really had to pay attention to was to Naruto. Did he want to be a civilian? Or was it a ruse and he was actually planning to become a supreme evil overlord that will strike terror into everyone's heart and kick cute puppies for fun? However, Sawada had underestimated her class because when it came to a girl named Ami's turn,

"I want to be a professional fangirl! Not only a mere fangirl, but the best! Look!" the girl said while letting her drool drip down her chin, "I even manage to perform the rabid fangirl look whenever I see a cool emo walking by!"

"Great skill Ami!" a girl named Fuki said. "I also want to be a fangirl, specialising in stalking cool emo wherever he goes," she finished while making a creepy leering expression which was more suitable on a pervert like Jiraiya or a creep like Orochimaru.

"And I will be a fangirl who will steal the used underwear of the cool emo," a girl named Kasumi said before taking a deep breath from a dirty rag, "and sniff it all the time."

Sawada sighed. Maybe she should tell the three girls to strive to become supreme evil overlords that will strike terror into everyone's heart and kick cute puppies for fun rather than become fangirls? If she knew that the class would be this bad, she would have ordered a cartload of charm from the nearby shrine to ensure that she was lucky when the teachers drew lots to determine who would teach it.

-ToN-

-ToN-

Sawada stood at the academy training ground, with the children forming a semi-circle in front of her. "Okay, children. Today we're going to learn one of the most basic things that a shinobi and kunoichi must learn in order to become successful in his or her career. Can anyone guess what is it?" She pointed at a boy who had a white puppy on top of his head. "How about you, Kiba?"

"Kunai throwing," the boy from the Inuzuka clan answered.

"Good, but not what we're going to do today. Sakura?"

The pink haired girl answered, "Ninja history?"

"That will be covered in the class later. Shikamaru?"

"Zzz…" the boy snored, even though he was standing.

"Okay, wrong person to ask… Anyway, back to the topic at hand…"

A few minutes later,

"Do you understand what I said?"

"Yes!" all of the children, minus the one who was sleeping while standing, chorused.

"Okay, everyone ready?"

"Yes!"

"I'm going to count to three. Ready… One, two three."

"KATON! GOKYAKU NO JUTSU!" the children shouted while posing, with few of them even screaming the jutsu's name.

Sawada clapped her hands. "Good, but you must use your stomach and chest to make that voice," she said while touching hers. "Feel the vibration on your chest. Don't call out your jutsu using your throat."

Ino raised her hand. "I speak with my throat. Why can't I use my throat to shout the name of the jutsu?"

"Well, if you use your throat to shout, then you may hurt it. If you hurt your throat, then you can't speak. If you cannot speak, then how are you going to announce to your enemy the jutsu you're going to use to attack him or her?"

"Whoah!" most of the kid chorused in amazement as they finally understood the importance of calling out the name of a jutsu loudly.

There were practical reasons why martial artists yell, called kiai in Japanese. The first reason was to tighten abdominal muscles, allowing more power in motion and in case of a punch from the enemy against the area, an impromptu defence. The second reason was to force the martial artist to breath in order to ensure adequate oxygen supply to the body. Also, in the process of executing the kiai, the martial artist would be focussing in the moment of the attack, increasing his or her awareness of the situation. Last but not least, by shouting at the moment of attack, it could surprise or startle the opponent and in a fight where the outcome is decided in mere seconds, a moment of relapse could be the determinant.

Do note that there was no practical reason given for announcing the name of jutsu to your opponent. While it had been said that calling out the name was some sort of kiai, some jutsus didn't need to be announced earlier, such as kawarimi no jutsu which was announced after it had been executed.

Despite that, it had to be admitted that it sounded cool. There's nothing more badass than telling your enemy that you're going to set him on fire and then proceed to do just that to him.

"Okay children, one more time! Don't scream, just use the voice from your stomach and chest. One, two three!"

"KATON! GOKYAKU NO JUTSU!"

-ToN-

-ToN-

As Sarutobi ploughed through his work, often literally, he noticed Naruto, who was at the floor, was drawing on something, like a grandson spending the time to be with his grandfather. The wizened leader thought about his real grandson, Konohamaru who was just three years old and smiled as he imagined his grandson being around Naruto's age. The two would probably be best of friends. Sarutobi let the boy be as he continued his paperwork until after what seemed to hours of struggle, his work was finished. He brought out his special tobacco to celebrate such occasion and was about to light up his pipe when he felt that something didn't seem right with what Naruto was doing.

"How's school, Naruto?" he asked, breaking the silence.

"Very interesting, jiji. Today Sawada-sensei had us we practice pickpocketing. I managed to pickpocket a rich merchant as well his guards as they walk along village."

Sarutobi was torn between praising the boy's skill in pulling off such a feat or chastising the boy for pulling off such a feat; while doing such a thing was considered as morally wrong by civilians outside the village, what Naruto did showed that he had the aptitude to become a good shinobi. "Were they mad at you for stealing their money?"

"I don't think so, because they didn't find out."

Sarutobi smiled. "I'm proud of you, Naruto. What did Sawada-sensei say?"

"She was cackling while talking about buying a new handbag and a couple of dresses with the money I gave her."

Ah, yes. Sawada Aohime, a model teacher who always teach how to become a shinobi by example rather than mere theory. Perhaps he should be looking into her service record to see where it would take her. Now, to concentrate on what he wanted to ask the boy. "Just wondering, Naruto, did Sawada-sensei gave you any homework?"

"Yes, she did."

"What did she ask the class do?" Naruto's class was still new to the academy system, having started a fortnight ago so Sawada probably gave something simple to do.

"So what is it?"

"Oh, she asks us to use our imagination and create new weapons."

"She did that, did she?"

The answer why he felt something out of place came to Sarutobi: Naruto was drawing instead of playing with kunais, shuriken or other kind of weapons. "So what kind of weapon are you making?"

The boy merely grinned.

-ToN-

-ToN-

Standing in front of the class who was assembled in the training ground, Inuzuka Kiba, held out a long wooden ruler painted black. "The weapon that I invented is called Tensa Zangetsu. Apart front the sword being so sharp that no other sword can beat it, I can also shoot powers at my enemy using it." He then pointed the ruler at a random boy. "Phew! Phew!"

The boy evaded, trying to get away from the inexistent bolts. "Ha! Missed me!" he gloated.

"Ha, but the powers will follow the enemy anywhere and I already hit you twice!"

Sawada clapped her hands, drawing all attention to herself before the two boys start to argue. "Very good, Inuzuka-kun. Now, how about we have the next student demonstrate his or her weapon?"

The academy teacher looked at the show of hands by the students and noticed the jinchuuriki didn't volunteer to demonstrate his. "How about you, Uzumaki-kun?"

The jinchuuriki shrunk back. "I'm not sure I should do that, sensei. All of you will get angry with me if I show you."

"Hah, you don't have anything to show," Kiba said, feeling competitive and wanted to rile the blonde boy.

"I do. In fact, I have it in my scroll."

"There you go, lying again. You don't know how to make a storage scroll. Liar! Liar! Your pants on fire!"

Naruto was content to ignore the taunt but then the other children started joining in. Narrowing his blue eyes, he took out a scroll from his jacket. "I don't know how to make a storage scroll and had someone store my weapon inside this … but since you don't believe me…"

There was a cloud of smoke as Naruto's weapon was summoned onto the training ground. The boy lowered his goggle and grinned. "Allow me to introduce my weapon, 'The Pies-maker'".

Horrified screams by the class students and a single female teacher echoed throughout the academy ground as pies began to fly indiscriminately.

-ToN-

-ToN-

Leaving behind a silenced Konoha Police Headquarters, Obito congratulated himself at the ease in which he carried out the operation. Everyone inside the headquarters, be it Uchiha police officers, their Konoha counterparts and even the petty criminals being locked up behind bars have been killed indiscriminately in order to hide the real reason behind Obito's attack which was to cripple Uchiha clan's manpower.

Seven years prior, before he forced Kyuubi's release from Uzumaki Kushina, his former sensei's wife and subjugated the tailed beast to attack Konoha, Obito gave the Konoha police force a false alarm, causing most of them to investigate the sector furthest from the place where he would release Kyuubi. By doing that and carefully controlling Kyuubi's rampage, he ensured that the police, which consist solely of Uchiha clansmen, would be spared even as the other clans lost a lot of theirs battleing against the nine-tailed fox.

However, he did that not because he was beholden to the clan but rather to ensure that his long-term plan would succeed, which was to eradicate the clan.

Since his grand plan would involve taking control of all the tailed beasts, it was important that possible risks were taken care of and one of those risks was ironically, stemmed from the Uchiha clan itself. Just like he and Madara having the capability to use their respective Magenkyo Sharingan to take control of the tailed beasts, other Uchihas also had the same potential. In fact, as one Mary, er, Mari Tsu Uchiha had demonstrated that killing one's closest friend wasn't required to attain the fabled eyes, it was decided that the clan had to be killed off to prevent opposition to his plan.

An outright attack wouldn't be feasible because Konoha would surely rise up to protect one of their own and being a former Konoha ninja, Obito knew about the contingency plan in place to protect it. In case of a war, the protocol in place would ensure that few members of all clans would be evacuated to a safe place which would be determined arbitrarily by the current reigning Hokage. Obito could launch an attack on the clan directly but it wouldn't be effective as even if he managed to kill everyone in the clan compound, there would still be a few more members that were on active duty that would escape the attack.

So, instead of attacking the clan directly, Obito unleashed Kyuubi on Konoha while carefully making sure that it generally remain unaffected. He knew that if he wasn't careful, many of Uchiha clansmen would die during the attack, but it would slowly recover, just like other clans. By shedding bloods of its kinsmen, it would earn the trust of everyone else.

Instead, since the clan didn't lose much of its strength compared to other clans, whispers of the clan being the perpetrator behind the Kyuubi's rampage began to spread around the village and day by day, the clan was slowly being isolated.

As Obito expected, the current clan leader, feeling pressured as his clan was being oppressed, began to plan for a coup to take over the village administration. Despite the plan being set up in secret, Hokage found out about such plan and had prepared a counter plan to deal with it. The contingency plan that was to ensure that the clan would live on in case of an attack was modified slightly so that if the clan revolted, all of its member would be eliminated. Obito was so confident that the situation would escalate to the tipping point that he turned all of his attention to influencing Akatsuki as well as establish intelligence in other countries.

However, when he turned his attention back to Konoha, he was shocked. The tension between Uchiha and the rest of the village had dissipated greatly and the police force had undergone a massive restructuring. While Fugaku, the head of the clan was still the head the police force, there were superiors and normal officers from other clans that had been integrated into the police force in a way that made it almost impossible for the Uchiha clan to properly plan, even less execute any coup attempt. At first, Obito thought that the clan was strong-armed into the current arrangement, which would work in his favour as it would be easier to influence most of the clan members to join his side. His assumption was proven wrong when he found out that it was Fugaku who initiated the reorganisation.

His long-term plan, carried out seven years ago was all for naught. Uchiha Clan would survive and had once more earned the trust of the village.

But Obito was a flexible man, and if he had work around that fact, he would. If he cannot eradicate it, then all he had to do was to ensure that the clan's strength be reduced so that when Akatsuki made its move, the clan wouldn't matter.

So he struck the Police Headquarters, a feat made simple by his Magenkyo Sharingan.

Even Fugaku was no match for him and the man was supposed to be one of the strongest in the clan. The matriarch of the clan who happened to be there to deliver some food to his husband? She was quite strong when she was a jounin, but her skill had declined a bit since she dedicated herself to raising her family, not that it would make any difference; Mikoto was swiftly defeated when subjected to Magenkyo Sharingan's Tsukuyomi. She became paralyzed when she was subjected to the illusion that both of her sons were all grown up but swung the other way when it came to sexual preference and was engaging in raucous yaoi procreation activity with a blonde whiskered teenager wearing a slave outfit and had a red leash around his neck.

As he stabbed her with his kodachi, Obito wasn't sure that the expression on her face was actually one of horror at what her saw in the illusion. He briefly entertained the thought that Mikoto was probably a closet fan of yaoi matchups but he didn't have time to thought about it as he had to face another foe.

In what was an interesting but yet annoying irony, the fallen Fugaku and Mikoto were being avenged by Hizashi Hyūga, a rival clan member. Realising that the masked Obito was probably an Uchiha, Hizashi avoided looking at his eyes and instead focused at his feet and hands for signs of attack. But even though the man was very skilled in the Gentle Fist taijutsu, Obito easily countered his attacks by phasing out, letting them pass through and then countered back when Hizashi was recovering from the attacks. Eventually, the Hyūga clan member made a critical mistake of accidentally looking at Obito's eyes and was felled easily.

The last thing Hizashi saw was Neji, his pride and joy grew up to become a fine and powerful jounin whose potential would exceed the main branch but relegated to become a joke character who kept being dressed in female clothing by his retarded team mate whose appearance resembled Maito Gai, thick eye brows and all.

Even Obito felt a pang of sympathy as Hizashi puked uncontrollably, crumpled up and died as a normal Tsukuyomi should have been enough to take care of the man and there wasn't a real need to go to the extreme with the torture as the 72 hours of stabbing would have been sufficient.

With everyone at the headquarters silenced and the deed expected to remain undiscovered until the shift change came an hour later, Obito left it quietly. However, lady fortune seemed to smile at him and was about to leave the village when he came across a small boy wearing what the stereotypical thief would wear, black clothes and a piece of cloth over his head with its edges tied under his nose, except that he also wore a two rounded eyepiece goggles. He was facing his former sensei's legacy, the son of Namikaze Minato and Uzumaki Kushina, the jinchuuriki whom Obito had a hand in his forced creation, the one Naruto Uzumaki.

Meanwhile, the boy in question looked at the man wearing orange mask that was standing in front of him. Naruto had come across 'Clown mask' and 'Porcelain mask' often during his midnight excursions, occasionally bumping into someone wearing what he described as 'Perverted frog mask' but it was the first time he met the orange mask with a right eye hole. The thing was, the other three person he met had strange, creepy and dark vibes around them but the 'orange mask' was on another level altogether as the person exuded hostile and threatening aura aimed at him.

"Uzumaki Naruto, I want you to come with me."

"Sorry, I'm not supposed to speak to a stranger." he replied, reciting the advice that Jiji gave him.

"But you just spoke to me and I'm a stranger."

"… Hm… Hey, you're right."

The two were quiet for a moment.

"So, now you're supposed to follow me?" Obito tested.

"Well, I may have spoken to you, but come to think of it, I also spoke to another stranger today," He talked to 'Rat' that day and an ANBU, even though he or she may be friendly, was a stranger, as in strange, the weird kind of way, not the unfamiliar kind. Like a mime. "But that's that and doesn't mean I have to follow you."

"I'm afraid you don't have a choice."

"Why is that?"

"Because my hax eye-based dojutsu can do anything, from allowing me to hypnotise everyone, instantly learn all kind of jutsus, cast a very powerful flame that cannot be put out, teleport into another dimension and _more importantly allows the original author, not this fanfic's, to add new capabilities to make it more hax as he goes along_. By the way, in case you readers are wondering, since I can teleport into another dimension, I can also break through the fourth wall."

"Hmm…" Naruto said, finding it strange that the man was facing another direction and seemed to be talking to someone else, "Why are you facing that direction?"

"Nothing," Obito said while turning back to face him.

"Okay."

"So, where was I again?"

"Hax eyes."

"Ah, yes. Hax eyes. Thanks. My 'Superingan' also allows me to turn fantasy into reality or vice versa."

"Wow!" Naruto said while clapping innocently and sincerely. "That's cool!"

"Of course!" Obito said while handing a pamphlet to Naruto. "This is the current version and it will be updated constantly in the future," he said proudly.

"So, this 'Ubberingan' can use Izanagi, changing what is real into fantasy and fantasy into real but at the cost of blinding the eye that use it?"

The orange-masked villain shrugged. "You can always replace it with another' Godringan' eye so it's not like it would matter.

"Hm... I'm confused," Naruto said while pointing to the pamphlet.

"Which part?"

"If the 'Terifficringan' becoming blind because it's used to cast Izanagi is something real, why don't you just change it into fantasy? Then since 'Ultimaterigan' wouldn't be blind as that rule is a fantasy, you can use Izanagi as many times as you want."

"You cannot do that! It's like…" Obito tried to think of a suitable explanation, "a genie granting you three wishes where you can ask for anything except for another wish."

Naruto considered the offered explanation, "But if I get three wishes but cannot wish for me to get another wish, can't I wish for you to get five wishes and in return you wish for me to get five more wishes? Or if I can't wish for another wish, why don't I just wish that one of my wish to be divided into ten wishes. So that means I have eleven wishes since a wish which is one tenth of the original wish is still a wish."

To have a seven year old humiliating him in a logical argument hurt Obito's pride a bit. "Okay, so it can't do that, but it can still change the reality into fantasy and the other way around."

"Okay, so, since you claim that 'Photostateringan' can turn fantasy into reality, why don't you create an ideal world where you would live there instead of being here?"

"Er… it can only affect the area close to the caster."

"If that is reality, can't you change it into a fantasy, allowing the Izanagi to affect the whole world?"

"Ugh…"

"Maybe you can use Izanagi to create a lot of you who will then create a lot of you… until there's a lot of yous who will then change the whole world. Or at the very least you can just create another copy of me that would follow you home, so I don't have to."

"Okay! Okay!" Obito admitted, throwing his hands into the air exasperatedly. "Izanagi is just a cool-sounding kinjutsu that allows the caster to escape from danger. None of that reality to fantasy and fantasy to reality bullshit! It's just a marketing spiel to make Sharingans users seem cool and badass. Are you happy now?"

"And the thing I don't understand is why must you use your 'Badassringan' to cast Izanagi when you can avoid the attack by running away?"

"Now you're beginning to make me wonder about that."

"So, can I go my own way now?"

"No."

"Sigh. Okay, would you at least tell me why you want me to follow you?"

"Uh… that…. How to reply to that…" Obito had to stop for a moment to think of an answer before finally snapping his fingers. "The reason why I must get you to follow me home is because I'm a villain and want to do bad things to you."

"You," Naruto said he took a step back.

"Yes?"

"You are a pedo fail, aren't you?"

Cue face fault. "You got it wrong. It's not fail."

"So you're a pedo success?"

Obito put a palm on his mask in exasperation. "Pedophile. Pe-do-phile. You're supposed to say that I'm a pedophile, not pedo fail."

"How should I know if you're a pedophile or not?" Naruto answered confusedly. "I'm not you! That's why I'm asking if you're a pedo fail or not but then you tell me you're a pedo success."

"Whatever," Obito said while bringing out a kunai. "It would be over soon. Magenkyo Sharingan! " he called out as his right eye changed and a tri-star pattern appeared on it as he casted Tsukuyomi on the boy.

A few seconds continued in silence as the two of them stood in front of each other. "Um..." Naruto began, "Is this the word game where I will call out a new word based on the last syllable of the words you mentioned? So, gan… gan… Gundam!" he called out proudly. "Your turn!"

"Dam… dum… dumbbell!"

"Bella!"

"You're cheating! That's not a word! That's an insult to all women who's not into emo vampires!"

Naruto grumbled. "Sheesh, I'm just a kid. Aren't you ashamed to be tribial?"

"I don't care and it's trivial."

"All right, all right. I'll change the word. Bellboy."

"Boy group!"

"Now you're the one who's cheating!"

"Buoyancy," Obito corrected

"Cy… Si.. Sit-in!"

"Heh, that's easy. Intercom!"

"Com... commit."

"Mit.. meter."

"Ter... terribly sorry but I have to go now."

"Now… now…" As he gaze upward, Obito tried to think of a suitable word but was unable to. "Okay, I give up…," He blinked at the empty space where Naruto used to occupy.

The man searched around and spotted the boy running away from him. The former Uchiha was quite unprepared for Naruto to break into a run but it was something that he should have been able to manage easily. That assumption was wrong, however as the little boy quickly put some distance between the two of them. He quickly gave chase to the boy, having to use his chakra to augment his speed.

Meanwhile panic was coursing through Naruto. It was the first time he had been chased for trying to prank someone. While he had expected people to be angry when they became his prank victims, he have yet to carry out his prank for the night so the man had no reason to chase him yet. However, chase him the man did and Naruto somehow knew that he had to keep running and not let himself be caught or else he would be in a very grave danger.

Even though the boy was his prey, Obito had to admit grudgingly that he was amazed to see the former achieving speed that was approaching Jounin's that it required him to activate his Sharingan to just keep up. He would have thought that the boy was trained in shinobi arts but that notion was dispelled when he saw how the boy ran. Instead of keeping his arms to his sides and trailing behind him as he ran forward, Naruto was actually swinging his arms, swinging forward the arm opposite to the leg that he put forward. It was a very unninja-like way to run that Obito was tempted to set fire on the Konoha Shinobi Academy, out of principle, for teaching such a bad ninja running habit to the boy.

Eventually, Naruto approached the village wall and Obito expected the Kyuubi's jinchuuriki to stop or at least change his heading. He was proven wrong when Naruto, using the momentum of his run, scaled up the wall of the village and then ran down the wall before speeding off; without even needing to utilise chakra to maintain his footing.

What did Naruto think he was? An old-school ninja? Even Obito had to use chakra to keep rooted to the wall and he had Sharingan!

But Naruto running out of the village was a good thing that will work in his favour as the boy would be moving away from the people that would protect the boy.

At the same time, the fact that he was in big trouble caused Naruto's mind to go into overdrive as he sought to escape from his pursuer. _"Pedo-success is approaching me. What should I do?"_ Naruto thought frantically to himself

"_I can help you, if you're willing to trust me,"_ a voice inside his head answered.

Really?" Naruto answered verbally.

"_All you need to do is follow exactly what I tell you to do," _

"Okay!" While Jiji had repeatedly told him to be wary of unknown people, for a seven year old child that was being chased by someone who had 'pedo-success' tendency, it was a simple matter to agree to the voice that promised to help him. "What do I do?"

"_You need power to escape. Activate one ring!"_ the voice urged him.

"Here goes nothing… Ash nazg durbatulûk, Ash nazg gimbatul, Ash nazg thrakatulûk …" Naruto began reciting

"_Not __**that one ring!**_"the voice admonished, "_Are you trying to become this fiction's villain?"_

"No. What's a fiction?"

"_Try again,"_ the voice advised, ignoring the question. "T_his time, don't try to call Sadako or she would be very pissed because VHS and Betamax have yet to be invented."_

"What should I do?"

"_Raise your right arm and will a ring to appear in your right hand, the one similar that you normally find around the village."_

"Okay."

All the while Naruto was being advised by a voice in his head, Obito was smirking as he finally got close to the boy. His right hand reached out to grab the back of the boy's jacket as he idly noted the boy's own arm was raised on the shoulder level and something circular materialized into his hand. Dismissing that whatever the thing was, it was unimportant, he clenched his fist on the Naruto's jacket, intent on yanking the boy off his escape attempt when the thing emitted a light so bright that it temporarily blinded him as well as forced him to close his eyes.

A prudent thing to do in the situation was to release his hold but the man didn't want to let his target get away now that the boy was in his grasp. It was a grave mistake on his part as the boy kept moving and Obito found himself losing his footing and fell to the ground. It didn't stop there as he felt himself being dragged on the ground by the boy at such a high speed that he didn't even know how fast he was going or even where the boy was heading. The only thing that Obito knew was that he had to keep a stream of chakra around his body to keep it from being damaged by the ground contact as he couldn't perform a jutsu, not while one of his hands holding on to the boy. There was his super hax eye but even if it had recovered from the temporary blindness the bright light had produced, he couldn't open it due to high wind speed hitting his face. So, the only viable option since Obito didn't want to let go was to keep holding on and let the boy tire himself out dragging him all over the wherever it was.

However, Obito had miscalculated the chakra needed to protect himself as whatever he had left after the attack on the Police Headquarters was quickly depleted. Reluctantly he released his hold on Naruto, and tumbled along the ground as far as his momentum carried him and came to a complete halt just a second after the barrier faded. Eyes still closed Obito tried to get up but couldn't do so. It seemed that his body had took a lot of damage in that one second period, evidenced by painful feeling all over his body. The only thing that he could do was to wait for Zetsu to come and get him. He sputtered, getting rid of the gravel that managed to get into his mouth.

Damn that kid. When the boy's turn came, Obito would remember to make his death slow and painful to make up for the humiliation that he felt that night.

After all, what kind of depraved people that made his enemy eat his dust literally?

-ToN-

-ToN-

As he shifted from his prone position into a sitting one, Naruto yawned loudly and stretched his body. Hm, the bed seemed harder than usual. He opened his eyes and slowly let them focus as his surrounding came into his view. Wait… he wasn't in his bedroom. He looked around and saw half damaged equipment racks and white walls smeared with dirty black soots.

Oh, it looked like he slept in his workshop.

Naruto was getting up when he noticed that his clothes were in tatters. Confused, he looked around him, searching for any sign of explosion that have caused it. Ah, he remembered it. It was last night which explained him being knocked unconscious at the place or… is it the day before that or even earlier? He wasn't sure.

The young boy scratched his exposed midriff lazily. It looked like he had to save some money so that he could get his uniforms replaced, hopefully with those that had safer and brighter design. It was then he noticed that his goggles was on the floor not far from him, half destroyed. The thing had served its purpose in protecting his eyes from the explosion that he wouldn't throw it away and probably hang it somewhere in his home to serve as a reminder to be careful at all time. In its place, he would buy five more goggles just like it.

The boy walked to a nearby workbench, grabbed an open box of milk and was about to drink it when he stopped, approached a dustbin and threw the box inside it. He must stop drinking exposed milk, not unless he wanted to have another scary nightmare involving 'Pedo-success' chasing after him all over the world. Also, since he was pretty busy juggling up between his hobby and his school work, maybe he should ease up on pranking other people a bit. After all, the dream was an omen, right? Omen… Sound like ramen. On cue, his stomach growled and Naruto laughed. It was time to eat breakfast and he skipped out of the workshop to clean himself and go get some food. Onigiri sounded good, since one has to have variety in life after all.

Unnoticed to the young boy, the genjutsu seal that he had transplanted onto his goggle had disappeared, having expended its energy.

* * *

a

* * *

**Author's note**

1. Lacus Clyne is the heroine of Gundam SEED and its sequel Gundam SEED Destiny. Regarding the remark about her being everything in that story, I wasn't trying to be sarcastic as she is that perfect. I would claim that she's too forgiving as her character flaw, but then again, I can put it as her positive attribute as well. If anyone of you wants to write a stereotypical Mary Sue character, study her character profile and you wouldn't go wrong.

2. Lala Satalin Deviluke is a protagonist in To Love Ru and Motto To Love Ru. She is a genius but had a propensity to create problematic invention. And she also have pink hair. Hm… if Naruto's Tails is to be crossed over, it's probably going to be with To Love Ru series.

3. If few of you not sure about what Hizashi saw, do watch Naruto SD anime and you will get that reference. On the other hand, what Mikoto saw could be one of the many Yaoi fics in this site.

4. The phrase that Naruto chanted was the one inscribed on the One Ring of the Lord Of The Ring

5. Sadako is the evil ghost in famous horror 'The Ring'

6. This chapter forms part one of the two non-Uchiha Massacre fanfic with part of the explanation given here and the second part later.


	8. Aftermath

Uchiha Obito, or Uchiha Madara or whatever name he felt like calling himself at that moment slowly opened his eyes as he felt a presence approaching him. While quite injured due to his underestimating the Kyuubi's jinchuuriki, he was still capable of taking care any S-rank and below enemy without much of a problem.

"Obito?"

The voice belonged to someone he knew so Obito relaxed a bit, just a little tiny bit. A humanoid figure with two large venus fly-trap like extensions that envelop his head and upper body was standing in front of him. The figured had two coloured halves, the left side being white while the other side was almost entirely black. His attire consisted of a long black cloak, blue pants, bandages wrapped around his legs and normal shinobi sandals. "Zetsu."

"**You're really messed up aren't you?" **the black part of Zetsu remarked.

"He must have a good reason for it, Black Zetsu," his other side stated.

"**Yes, that reason must be he's an 'M' which is why he ran himself to the ground. Get it? M, Madara and Masochist? Ran himself to the ground?"**

Damn that Madara, the _original_ one, for using his will to create Black Zetsu who was very annoying like heck.

"He must have gotten injured fighting an 'S' rank ninja, Black Zetsu." the white Zetsu argued.

An 'S' rank ninja? No. An ass, as in 'pain in the ass'? Yes.

"**What I don't understand is why you don't use your Unfairingan ability to turn your injury into nothing or in fact use it to just make the whole event that transpired last night a fantas…"**

"Just shut up," Obito groaned.

-ToN-

-ToN-

It was decreed that the academy be closed the whole week. But while normally the students would be ecstatic over such announcement, they weren't, not when they learned the real reason why it was closed. To the more unfortunate ones, they would learn that they became orphans overnight and their parents who were supposed to come into their rooms to tuck them in wouldn't be doing so forever.

Even though the weather was clear and the sun was bright, it was indeed a dark day for Konoha as the people gathered to mourn the loss of their loved ones. Even though he was standing further from the majority of mourners assembled for the funeral service because he wasn't invited to the ceremony, Naruto didn't wear his normal orange jacket and pant uniform and instead wore black clothing just like all of the mourners as a sign of respect. He silently watched as priest performed the rituals of chanting, singing, and praying to begin the period of mourning that would last for the whole day.

After the priest had finished his work, he nodded at Sandaime who then took his place.

"Sons and daughters of Konoha," he began but then faltered slightly. "Today we're assembled here to mourn the loss of those who fell defending this village against our unseen enemies last night…"

While Naruto wasn't sure what his Jiji was really talking about because of all those big words being used, he somewhat understood what happened. Something had happened last night and because of that something, few of his classmate' fathers and mothers slept in long rectangular boxes.

"Come, Naruto," a female voice called out to him. "Let's go."

The boy turned toward the speaker who was an ANBU agent. "Why?"

"Since Hokage-sama has finished his speech, the public part of the funeral has been concluded. It would be up to the respective families on what to do for their private mourning."

"Okay," the boy said as he followed 'Shrew' as the two left the place.

"'Shrew'?"

"Yes?"

"Just wondering… why are my classmates' parents sleeping in the rectangular boxes?"

'Shrew' didn't answer immediately. Instead, she offered her hand toward the boy.

Naruto took the offered hand and noticed that despite the hand's skin was rough and there were calluses all over the palm, the hand felt surprisingly comforting.

"Naruto," Shrew finally said after a long time, "the rectangular box you mention just now is called a coffin, and the reason why people were put inside a coffin is because he is dead."

"Is dead similar to sleep? Because I saw Sasuke's father and mother being put inside those coffins?"

"Yes. Dead is like sleep, except that the person sleep forever."

"But how would they talk and play with Sasuke if they're sleeping all the time?"

Being an orphan was a sad fate, something that 'Shrew' could relate to as she had lost her father in the previous war; at least her mother survived. She knew a couple of her colleagues who lost both parents and were raised by the state-run orphanages. Even then, it could be argued logically that they were brought up normally, even if most of them turned out to be somewhat unhinged; it was normal considering that they either attained Jounin rank or joined ANBU. However, Naruto wasn't just a normal orphan, and because of that he wasn't raised normally. Thus, something called 'common sense' was a bit lacking in the boy despite Hokage's best attempt to remedy that. "They couldn't," she explained. "When someone died, he wouldn't be able to smile, talk, run or play with you forever."

Naruto became quiet at the explanation. "It hurts him, doesn't it?"

"The only thing certain in life is death. It is an unavoidable fate that waits for everyone."

"Including you?"

"Including you and me."

Naruto's grip on older shinobi's hand tightened slightly as he hung his head.

'Shrew' noted his reaction and considered the words that she would be using next.

"The fact that everyone will die one day isn't important, Naruto. The important question that you have to ask yourself is what do you want to do with your life?"

Naruto jerked up his head in surprise. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I'm just 'Shrew', not someone you really know so maybe I'm not the best person to give you an advice. The thing is, life is like a mean game of poker."

"What's poker?"

"Okay, wrong example, and please forget that I tell you the term so that I wouldn't be in trouble with your Jiji. Let's try another example. You invent things right?"

"Yes, though I mostly designed them and get others to help."

"Can you have everything you want when you want to create something?"

"Not really. Most of the times I can get them but sometimes not."

"Now, if I give you a not-so-good material and tell you to create something from it, can you do so?"

"Probably, but it would be hard."

"Doable?"

"Yes."

"There you have it. Life is something like that. Sometimes your life is shi… er bad, but just like the not-so-good material, it will up to you to decide what to do with it. Everyone will die one day, but the question is how will they die? Will they die smiling because they know that they have done their best for their loved ones or they would despair, thinking that they have failed to do anything?"

"That sounds interesting."

"Thank you."

"But I don't understand the concert."

"Er… how to make the concept simpler… just remember this: your life may be hard or sad, but whether you want to be happy or not is up to you."

"Oh! I understand. It's like one of those gacha ball machines where you enter the money, and a ball pop out of the machine. You wouldn't get the toy that you want but rather than sulk, you can still play with the toy."

"Yes. Something like that," While not entirely correct, 'Shrew' could see the reason Naruto used the coin-operated vending machine that dispensed a toy capsule containing random toys as a reference.

Though if she was to use the same metaphor, she would have said that the capsule that the boy received didn't contain any toy but instead had only crap inside it.

With the village already at a heightened state of alert because of the attack on the police station, Hokage-sama had increased the number of ANBUs assigned to guard Naruto from one to two. The surveillance was also to be conducted around the clock instead of during the day time only like the previous time. Judging from the expression on Naruto's face which indicated that he noticed her junior partner's rather sad attempt to mask his presence, it seemed that he noticed that something had changed as well.

"Ne, 'Shrew'."

'Shrew' tilted her mask a bit, signalling to the boy that she was listening.

"I'm just wondering, are we in danger?"

It took almost all of her ANBU training to keep her response in check as the question was totally unexpected. An answer didn't come right away, so she opted to stall for time. "Why do you say that?"

Naruto tugged her hand, telling her that he wanted her to be closer.

Obliging his silent request, she stopped, dropped to his height and put her ear near his mouth.

"_Your friend has been jumping around a bit too much."_

That idiot 'Eagle'. She should have protested against a newbie like him being assigned as her partner to guard the young jinchuuriki as the man no doubt looked around for a chance 'to save the day while looking cool'. But, the kid was, to describe it mildly, abnormal, a word that a shinobi or kunoichi rarely used. Releasing fireballs from one's mouth? A lot of Uchihas and non-Uchihas did it daily. Housing bugs in the body? A civilian may find it a bit gross, but it was no more stranger than implanting dead people's eyes on an arm even though the said arm didn't even have the physiology to keep them alive, more so use them.

While on the topic of implanting eyes on the arm, why not implant them on the whole body as well? Sure, the user would end up looking like an antagonist character in an anime about soul reapers who also had eyes all over the body and used them to take sovereignty over anything they saw. However, ninjas were expected to steal, so stealing ideas was par on course for ninjas.

But she was veering off the topic on hand.

She was supposed to be thinking about Naruto. It was said that a child was supposed to be very malleable at his age. That was why children at his age was sent to the academy to be trained into shinobis. More so with Naruto, since he was the holder of the feared nine-tailed fox. He had the aptitude to be become a powerful shinobi, and that was putting it mildly.

She could see that all efforts to mould him into a normal shinobi were fruitless so far. Even though she was just a minion, 'Shrew' wasn't dumb enough not to see some of the efforts Hokage-sama made to influence Naruto. For example, the ANBU guardian being allowed to approach the boy. While the boy developed a rudimentary six sense to detect their presence, without Hokage's permission, be it explicit or tacit, there wouldn't have been a single ANBU that would approach and talk to him. She suspected that Hokage-sama was trying to get Naruto really enamoured with the idea of becoming as shinobi, rather than just to fulfil his promise to the former.

He didn't, much to her confusion and curiosity which were bad as there was a saying that confusion and curiosity killed the ninja.

"What caused Sasuke's parents to die?" came an unexpected question.

'Shrew' recalled the parameter of information she was allowed to tell the boy and decided that answering the question would be okay. "Bad people come and caused trouble," she said before deciding to add another point, "that's why we ninjas are needed to ensure that such bad people wouldn't be able to do it again."

"Why people become bad?"

Behind her mask, the ANBU bother guard raised her eyebrows. Her statement was intended to nudge him to ask about how will ninjas would prevent aggression by their enemies, which then create an opening for her to extoll the virtues of being ninjas and finish by telling him that he would make a good shinobi. Instead of following the script, the boy asked something that people twice his age didn't ask.

That. That was what abnormal with the boy.

Rather than becoming a ramen-obsessed, orange-dressed boy who run around the village shouting that he want to become Hokage, Naruto became a not-so-ramen-obsessed, orange-dressed boy who walk around the village asking question a seven year old shouldn't ask. Now, how to best answer his question… should she go with the world was flat and Konoha in the centre of it, thus earning the jealousy of everyone else or the simpler Konoha was good, therefore everyone else was bad?

The serious expression on the boy, however, told her that none of those answers would probably satisfy him. He was expecting a more thoughtful and more importantly, frank answer. Her impulse was to deflect or defer the question but her instinct told that that question would have to be answered immediately and the answer, be it negative or positive, would have a lasting effect on the jinchuuriki. But to be giving the answer, she would have to…

Damn. It sucked to be caught in the current situation.

She signalled her colleague which was loitering behind Naruto not to interfere with what she was about to do and she would explain herself to Hokage. After the man acquiesced to her request, 'Shrew' shifted her attention toward Naruto and pushed her mask upward, surprising the boy as well as her partner.

"To tell you the truth, I don't have the real answer, Naruto-chan," she admitted. "And I don't think other people have the answer either."

A disappointed look appeared on Naruto's face. "Then…"

"Instead of hoping someone else have the answer, why don't you search for it?"

"How?"

"I don't have the answer to that either but I do know how to prepare for it."

Naruto raised his eyebrows expectantly.

"You have to get strong here, here and here," 'Shrew' said as she pointed at his arm, head and lastly, his chest.

-ToN-

-ToN-

From the balcony of his apartment, Naruto watched the progression of sunset and the resulting twilight that was produced by the sunlight being scattered across the sky, illuminating the village even though he sun itself was not visible. If he was at least three years older, he would have been baffled by the fact that he actually knew and understood the phenomena even though such a knowledge was rare even in the shinobi world. He wasn't, however, and he was focussing about the dimension he was trapped in.

Huh?

Naruto shook his head. Why did he think that he 'was trapped in the dimension'? What was this 'dimension' in the first place? Was it something like a box?

One by one, the Konoha inhabitants' houses began to light up, as the owners activated the 'light' seals installed in and around their dwellings. While not inexpensive as compared to the traditional way of illumination, the convenience made them highly sought after. Easily available in Hidden Villages due presence of seal masters, it was one of the numerous perks enjoyed by inhabitants. Of course, as opposed to normal villages that had to face bandit problems and very rarely, short self-made greedy rich shipping barons bent on taking over the village, inhabitants of Hidden Villages had to contend with S-rank ninjas invading their villages with the intent to flatten the places.

Thanks to the seals, despite the overwhelming darkness, the village never look more vibrant and alive as people went around to do their own things.

Each one doing his or her own thing…

Naruto watched the village forlornly.

'Shrew' or rather Tomoe-neechan's words regarding being strong enough to find his own answers had struck a chord inside him. Naruto had never really wanted to become a ninja as the feeling in his gut told him that it was something he shouldn't become. He did struck that promise with Jiji more out of respect rather than trying to get assistance to set up a workshop where he can pursue his hobby, but that was it and he had no real interest of becoming something more of a genin. However, as he once read, knowledge was power and he subscribed to the tenet. Tomoe-neechan pointed out that in order to gain knowledge, he had to have power, be it physical, mental and spiritual. He tried to find out the fallacy behind her statement and found out there was none. She was shrewd to know that she needn't to say anything more to have him to come to the conclusion that fully investing himself in the way of the shinobi was one of best available methods of achieving that goal. He could remain a genin forever or even drop out of the shinobi program before he graduated but no matter what path he would take, he had to learn the way of the dark, so that he could see the shadow they cast over the light.

Maybe there's a way for him to learn the shinobi art without having to fully commit to the path of a shinobi?

-ToN-

-ToN-

Kariya Tomoe had an alluring face which was an epitome of the classical Nadesico-beauty, at least that was what told by her friends. While not a narcissist, she was willing to use to use that asset of hers or anything else that would have gotten her out of the current situation she was in. Kneeling in front of a very quiet Hokage, she didn't dare raise her head as she knew that he was in a very foul mood. One of her colleagues told her that the meeting with the Village Council went on and on for hours as the matter of security was discussed rigorously in the aftermath of the attack on the police.

Damn those civilian council members. They always screech and whine about all things all the time; it was their fault that an irate Hokage that was sitting in front of her.

-ToN-

-ToN-

Elsewhere, Council Member A let himself fall on his bed without bothering to change his clothing. Just moments before he drifted into exhaustion-induced sleep, Council Member A wondered whether he should propose a bill excluding all civilians from attending all Council meetings discussing shinobi-related matter. After all, while rather informative to be privy to the information on how Uchiha and the other two clans were handling their loss, the meeting wasn't really constructive as no plan was discussed to prevent such an attack in the future.

So if, let's say a S-Rank shinobi who was disgruntled due to being passed over for promotion, left the village after conducting inhuman experiment, set up his own personal village by recruiting six-armed ninjas and twin-headed mutants and then giving them love bites, manipulates another hidden village to participate in a joint attack on the village, the said shinobi would find that Konoha's defence plan had not been updated despite being subjected to various attacks previously.

Instead of focussing on the defence planning, discussion revolved on Uchiha, Hyuga and Aburame clans. The thing that he found strange was that Hokage kept looking at the civilian members from time to time. If he didn't know better, he would thought that Hokage was expecting him or someone else from the civilian side to propose that Uchiha Sasuke be appointed as Hokage due to boy being the scion of the Uchiha clan. Or maybe Hokage was waiting for someone to suggest that a **non-existent legislation such as Clan Restoration Act **be enacted even though Sasuke was just seven years old and the clan was still there.

Oh well, he would think about them tomorrow as he was too tired to think straight.

-ToN-

-ToN-

"Kariya-san, let it be known that I'm very displeased by you exposing your real identity to Naruto-kun. Not only you breached ANBU's regulations, you also went against my strict orders not to let Naruto-kun find out your identity; that itself constitute an A-class offense and that without counting all those things you told Naruto."

The ANBU remained kneeling, not even moving despite the threat to her life.

"I would have hauled you to the Interrogation and Intelligence Department myself but your meritorious service indicated that you must had a good reason and I should give you a benefit of a personal hearing. Now, tell me why."

Not moving from her spot, Tomoe answered. "I don't want Naruto to lose his trust in you."

Hiruzen frowned. "Explain."

"Yes. When Naruto asked those questions, I feel as if he wasn't searching for the expected answer but instead was trying to ascertain something else."

"You could have opted not to answer it or tell him to ask me."

"Yes…"

"And you answered regardless."

"I have a feeling that if I defer the question, I will cause him to come to a wrong conclusion."

"Oh? Tell me the question, then."

Tomoe did as commanded from her kneeling position, describing what transpired in full detail. Throughout her explanation, Hiruzen listened quietly and didn't say a word after she finished. Lastly, he took out his pipe and mechanically went through the motion of filling it with tobacco, lighting it up and took a puff. He exhaled the smoke with a long and loud sigh. "You don't want Naruto to get the impression that Konoha ninjas are considered good not because we said we're good but rather proven by our actions. That's why you told him to search for the answer himself instead of relying on me and everyone else. But simply saying that is pretentious, not when you're hiding your identity behind a mask. That's why you reveal yourself to him, so that the answer would come from a human being, rather than the cold persona behind ANBU. Am I missing anything?"

"Nothing escape your notice, Hokage-sama."

"Your action is commendable, but an offense is still an offense."

"Yes. I await my punishment," Tomoe answered without missing a beat.

"Well then, so be it. Jounin Kariya Tomoe, you are thereby discharged from ANBU effectively immediately."

Try as she might, Tomoe couldn't help an expression of shock from staining her face. Ninjas that entered ANBU would either got killed in the course of duty, retire or got transferred out the force by the order of Hokage. To be discharged was tantamount to having one's reputation blemished. She would rather commit seppuku rather than being discharged as the former at least would help her regain her honour.

"You're being discharged honourably, Kariya-san," Hokage said as if knowing what was going through her mind.

"Hokage-sama?"

"You broke ANBU's secrecy vow for the greater good, so I can't be petty. But a punishment for the offence still have to be meted out. On the other hand, if you suddenly got transferred the day after you showed Naruto your face or anything else, Naruto will come to an unwanted conclusion." Hiruzen took another puff. If Danzo were Hokage, he would probably say that it wouldn't matter because Naruto would be brainwashed. However, that was exactly why Danzo wasn't the Hokage. Apart from the moral ground, logically it was in the best interest for Konoha to have thinking and feeling shinobis. While that may led to the risk of few of them feeling fear in the middle of battle, that risk was compensated by the fact that many ninjas would lay their lives for the village, not because Hokage told them to, but because they believe in its cause. And they say that people who fight with motivation would fight better.

"Besides, your action had another unintended effect, which fits into my planning though I'm not sure is good for you or not: you are one of the few people who have managed to gain Naruto's trust. Coincidentally, I was thinking of assigning someone on a permanent basis to act as his mentor rather than rotate Naruto through ANBU shifts. Fortunately, you have made yourself the best person for the job, so consider yourself assigned to this A-rank mission until otherwise told. Payments would be made periodically and you would be assigned other missions from time to time but unless necessary, they wouldn't be long-term."

"Yes. Hokage-sama. But if I may ask a question?"

"Go ahead."

"Wouldn't the clans be envious of the treatment Naruto would be getting?"

"Pfft. As if they could say it out loud without looking foolish." Complaining about an orphan getting preferential treatment was hypocritical considering the fact that the clans themselves gave special training to their members. Besides, as much Hiruzen didn't like the truth, Naruto was the village's jinchuuriki and its protector. Forsaking his training was simply out of question.

"I will be blunt with you, Kariya-san. You're also chosen to guide Naruto because you belong to one of the smaller clans. Bereft of any bloodline limit, you're a good all-rounder." It went unsaid that the more influential clans wouldn't see Hiruzen's action as a political move, which was important, considering the sudden drop of power in three of the major clans.

"You will begin tomorrow so drop by around 10 o'clock to get details of your assignment.

"Yes, sir," Tomoe said as she took Hokage's words as a silent dismissal and disappeared using shunshin.

Hiruzen's eyes wandered at a neatly folded letter on his desk. When he found out that Tomoe had broken her cover, he really wanted to punish her for the offense. However, the letter had caused him to reconsider. Inside the said letter, which was neatly written, the author asked him to not be angry at Tomoe-neechan's because she was answering the author's questions.

To have such a foresight to predict what would happen to Kariya Tomoe due to her action; even his father had never shown such a capability. The other person who showed such a thinking level was Uchiha Itachi who was currently on an intelligence gathering mission with Shishui.

The wizened Hokage cursed softly. No wonder he felt that he was forgetting something very important. Assembling his stationery, Hiruzen thought about the best way to tell his subordinate about the tragedy that had befallen his family.

After he finished that damn letter, he was going to drink himself silly.

-ToN-

-ToN-

A few days later, both Uchiha Itachi and Uchiha Shishui stood in front of Hokage, standing at attention. As per their order, the two entered the village silently in order to avoid be seen and went straight to the Hokage Tower. "We're here as ordered, sir," Itachi reported, remaining stoic.

"At ease."

The two did as told.

"Now, I'm afraid I have a very bad news," Hiruzen said in a grave voice.

"We already know what happened," Shishui quipped. "It was hard taking it in when we heard about it, but now we can manage."

"Oh," the elder said disappointedly. "I've already prepared all the talking points as well as practice two days to have the inflection correct. You really know how to spoil things."

"Respectfully, Hokage-sama," Itachi said, "You don't have to retell the event in the same chapter or other chapters in the story in detail. In the case of a flashback, it's enough that you make a cursory mention about it."

Hiruzen blinked. "What are you talking about?"

"Nothing. Just give me the order and I will slaughter every single remaining member of my clan and then hypnotize my brother into thinking that I'm the one that did it under the guise of testing my power."

"Itachi," Hiruzen said, while rubbing his temple, the headache caused by thinking about the attack was compounded by the way one of his best ninjas behave, "There's no need to kill off your clan, even before The Reconciliation." While it would remain unrecorded and unknown to everyone not directly involved, The Reconcilation referred to Fugaku's approaching Hiruzen for the police force reorganisation, inadvertently putting the clan into a position where it would very difficult for the clan to seize power, thus earning the trust of the Konoha's leaders and subsequently the rest of the clans. "Look, even if The Reconcilation never took place, there was no need to involve the children and infants."

When Uchiha clan seemed that it wanted to launch a rebellion, a specific strategy had been put in place to deal with it, with various plans being drawn. While all the plans differ in execution, all of them share one secondary objective: ensure that Uchiha children be kept out of the conflict. While expectedly Hiruzen maintained that they must not be harmed due to compassion on his part, surprisingly Danzo supported the motion. When pressed for the reason why he supported it, the former rival for the Hokage post replied the children could be used and manipulated for Konoha's sake. While Hiruzen didn't like the reasoning, at the very least Danzo supported his idea of keeping the children alive.

"But…"

"Itachi, I'm sorry but the fail-safe plan we entrusted to you is actually to prepare for eventuality that you may fight against your kinsmen if they rebel. The plan was never intended for you to shoulder it alone as it was designed to ensure that you would fail in your objective should you attempt it without my knowledge."

"A failsafe to ensure that I would fail?" Itachi asked, surprised.

Hiruzen smiled wanly. "Yes."

The failsafe was a simple one that other people would probably overlook it, including Danzo. When Hiruzen discussed with Itachi in the presence of the elders the possibility that the latter may have to stop the clan, he purposely left out the fact some key information about the mission. If the mission had to be executed, Hiruzen would order Itachi to lead a small crack group of ANBU operatives masquerading as missing nins to make simultaneous attacks on key Uchiha leaders to create confusion in the clan, ensuring that other members would be confused and thus would fall easily next. At the same time, another group of Jounins that would be led by him would appear to help the clan and drove off the attackers. The orchestrated attack would serve multiple functions which were to eliminate the rebel's leadership structure, weaken the clan so that the remaining members would be wary of doing anything disloyal and cause them to be beholden to Konoha.

"What is the failsafe?" Shishui asked.

Hiruzen considered keeping the key information secret but in light of the current situation, it was unnecessary to hide it anymore. At the very least, he could tell the two person in front of him as a sign of trust, not that he didn't fully trust them already. "The fact that your clan runs the police."

"I don't see how that would impede me in carrying out the mission," Itachi said.

"What do you know about police?"

"They eat doughnuts and drink coffee all the time?" Shishui offered.

Hiruzen rolled his eyes. "That's so stereotypical. Just like people say Uchihas always 'hn' all the time."

"Hn."

"There you go."

"They eat pockies and drink Japanese tea all the time," Itachi stated.

"I'm not looking for something associated with food and drinks. Plus, police don't eat pockies because they're not satisfying," Hiruzen said. "You're weren't involved with the police force so you don't get it. Tell me, how does the police force keep order in Konoha?"

"The force have few police stations that have the officers on duty. Apart from that, it also runs patrol around the village…" Itachi's eyes widened in understanding.

"It seems that you have realised it. No matter how powerful you are, you can only launch an attack at one place. There's the kage bunshins, but you will have to split your chakra to do so. Do you see what happens next?"

"Yes," Itachi nodded reluctantly, "The possibility of my attack on clan compound remaining undiscovered while I go for the rest of the clan members is very slim. The remaining clan members could easily get away or seek protection from Konoha. The village have two options which are granting them protection or killing all of them but all of those would lead to the same outcome."

"Killing everyone by yourself becomes unachievable," Hiruzen finished. "You will** fail **in your mission."

"Besides," Shisui said, "Talented as you are, it's not like you can fight off the whole clan just like that. You don't even have Magenkyo activated."

"I forgot about that," Itachi said as he turned toward his best friend and unsheathed his tanto, "I need Magenkyo to cause unnecessary and pointless trauma on my brother, telling him to live in an unsightly way and only seek me out when he has the same eyes that I would have. And to obtain those eyes, it is said that I need to kill my best friend…"

Shishui raised his hands in defence. "Whoa, there buddy! I'm all for giving my life for Konoha but I didn't sign on to be sacrificed for something that stupid."

His best friend took a menacing step, "Don't worry, I will make it as painless as…"

"WHACK!"

The noise produced by the object hitting his head was loud but painless. However, it caused Itachi to stop in his stride and look at the man who hit him in confusion.

Hiruzen put away the large paper fan that Jiraiya had used on him. "Why are you so fixated on turning your brother into a revenge-obsessed emo?"

"Yeah," Shishui agreed. "Hokage-sama already told you that it wouldn't work."

Itachi was quiet for a while. "Fan girls."

"Huh?" came the dumbfounded response from the other two.

"A fan girl believed that she was born to become a saviour. Naturally, she would gravitate to someone who have some kind of dark past or history that had caused him to become an emo because she believe that it would be her who would save him from that wretched existence by making him happy. He, in turn would chose her, and she would rise over the rest of the flock as a 'special person' despite being normal. By the same token, a fan girl is not interested in a psychologically normal person because there's nothing to 'save' and therefore the person wouldn't validate her existence."

"So, a fan girl has a 'messiah complex'?" Shishui asked.

"Indeed. Therefore, the more tragic past a person has, the more attractive he would become to the fan girls."

"I understand the explanation," Hiruzen said, "But I don't understand the connection between your explanation and what you're trying to do."

"I find fan girls repulsive," Itachi stated.

"Okay… I can see that," Shishui said, "but why that has do with you killing me to get Magenkyo so that you can kill the rest of the clan, sparing your brother, telling him to live in an unsightly way, only to come before you with the same eyes so that he would become a revenge-obsessed emo?"

"I find fan girls repulsive," Itachi maintained.

"Jiiiii..." The Hokage and Itachi's best friend stared at him.

"Fan girls are repulsive, but unless they pose a threat, they're to be tolerated."

They continued staring.

"I am introvert but people thought that I am quiet due to some unknown secret."

It wasn't Hiruzen who realized the implication of Itachi's statement but Shishui as his eyes widened. "Wait. Are you telling me that I'm supposed to be killed by you so that you can turn your brother into an emo and thus drawing fan girls away from you?"

"I assure you it would work and your sacrifice wouldn't be in vain."

"I may be your best friend, Itachi, but right now I feel like ramming a kunai up your ass."

"I find that to be unacceptable."

"Damn right you should…"

"I don't want to attract Yaoi fan girls either because of your personal preference. May I interest you in Hatake-san? He has a tragic past and can be considered as 'hot'."

"Fuck you, Itachi."

"As I said just now, I'm indisposed to your interest in me."

"You know what? Why don't _I_ _kill_ _you_ to get Magenkyo, kill rest of the clan except your brother, tell him to become a jerk and then run off to join a terrorist organisation bent on taking over the whole world?"

"Okay. Stop it you two," Hiruzen said with authority in his voice.

"Hokage-sama," the two Uchihas acknowledged.

"Uchiha clan have suffered a lot up till now and I'm not going to add to it. Yes, having Magenkyo Sharingan users is advantageous to the village but not to Uchiha clan's detriment. We will find another way to activate it."

"Ku ku ku. Perhaps my team of scientists can be of help in that area, Sensei," Orochimaru voice echoed throughout the room.

Hiruzen looked upward. "Goddammit, Orochimaru! I told you to stop hiding in the ceiling waiting to make your entry!"

"Ah, but I'm not, sensei. I'm actually next to you all the time, waiting to make my entry" the man said as he stepped into everyone's view.

"How come I don't see or detect you?" Hiruzen questioned.

"Ah, that's because I was hiding myself behind this," Orochimaru said while holding up a piece of cloth that had pattern and colour similar to those of the office wall. It was the cloth ninjas used to conceal themselves whenever they don't want to resort to using chakra-based jutsus to hide themselves. However, the camouflage cloth fell out of use since forever; all ninjas want to use chakra-based jutsus. "As for not seeing, I'm not the only one you missed."

"I'm here in the office with all of you as well," Kabuto's voice echoed.

"And where the hell are you?"

"Here I am,"

Hiruzen whirled in the direction of the voice and stared in silence for a full minute. "Why are you wearing of what seems to be a potted plant around your head?"

"Disguise, Hokage-sama." Kabuto deadpanned, silently regretting that he didn't cultivate a brash and loud personality like Orochimaru-sama's other apprentice as the snake sannin picked him because of his quiet demeanour. Seriously, if Orochimaru-sama got him involved in such thing again, Kabuto would seriously consider getting a _fluorescent green _spandex and then _slithering around the village_ while screaming something about the springtime of science.

"I would have complained that the methods of concealment used are ridiculous but if I do that, it would make me look like an idiot for not noticing the two of you. Moving along, what do you mean you can help in the activation of Magenkyo Sharingan?"

"If you like, I have a theory on Magenkyo Sharingan that I would like to test on members of the clan," Orochimaru leered at Itachi and Shishui, "but given the rather unique and dangerous method of achieving it, I would prefer the test subjects to be volunteers." He then produced and handed a document to Hiruzen. "Of course, that is moot unless there's no written directive by you as the reigning Hokage for the test to be carried out."

"You seemed awfully excited to carry out this experiment," Shishui remarked. "What's your angle?"

Orochimaru chuckled. "If by angle you mean whether or not I'm interested in Sharingan?"

"Yes," the answer was direct to the point.

The other man chuckled malevolently. "Ah, yes… How to answer this. I would be lying if I'm not interested in the eyes, but would I go through all this trouble if I wanted the eyes?"

Kabuto was inclined to agree as he had to go through all the trouble of wearing a potted plant around his head. After all, if Orochimaru wanted a pair of Sharingan, Kabuto could, at his master's behest, set an ambush on an Uchiha nin returning from a mission, kill the poor fellow, take his eyes and then transplant them into Orochimaru-sama using some sort of hocus-pocus with Senju's DNA, or anything else as long as he didn't have to make a fool of himself.

"No. I'm here with this proposal because I want help my beloved village while at the same time expanding my knowledge of science."

Hiruzen gave Orochimaru a doubtful look.

"Okay, it's going to be a very expensive project which is why I'm here to get your funding."

The Hokage sighed. "Would you at least tell me what are you going to do the volunteers?"

"That's easy. We're going to torture them to force them to awaken Magenkyo Sharingan."

"That wouldn't work," Shishui scoffed. "You have to do something extreme like kill your own buddy to get it to work."

"Do I have you on board as one of the volunteers to test whether my theory is right or wrong?" Orochimaru said while grinning.

Shisui unconsciously took a step back. "Er, no thanks. I have a low pain tolerance."

"I will do it," Itachi said.

His friend looked at him in surprise.

"It's for the good of the village, and the clan," he clarified.

"You just want to get away from your fan girls," Shishui remarked.

"Of course that is the primary reason, followed the distant two I mentioned."

"Distant two?"

Ignoring the bickering Uchihas, Orochimaru turned toward Hiruzen. "Well, Sensei?"

Hiruzen read the document which was in his hand, "…shall not be held liable for any damages including, without limitation, direct, indirect or consequential damages including physical as well as mental trauma or the expected resulting insanity and/or psychopathic tendency caused by this treatment," He raised his head to give Orochimaru, "Expected resulting insanity and psychopathic tendency?"

Orochimaru shrugged. "Itachi's an ANBU so he is crazy and psychopathic so that's already moot. And that part about damages? Like all kinjutsus, the procedure is risky. I'm just covering my base just in case someone has the bright idea of trying to sue me."

Hiruzen stared at the document. "Very well," he said reluctantly before biting his thumb, smeared his blood on the parchment and invoke a small authority seal. While less convenient than using one's stamp seal, it had an advantage of being harder to be forged. "Here you are."

Orochimaru pocketed the scroll. "Thank you."

"Just a bit curious," Shishui said, "Now that you're just going to torture Itachi, why do you a need a lot of funding?"

"Secret," the snake sannin said before turning to address his teacher. "Since Itachi agreed and you consented, I will meet you later with the good news." He considered his statement. "Or I will send Kabuto… or I will send Kabuto and Anko."

Once more, the Hokage sighed. "Sending Kabuto with the bad news or sending the two of them to distract me while you run away is something this village doesn't need, Orochimaru."

"Okay. I'll simply escape the village if that happens." He turned toward Kabuto and then toward Itachi. "Let's go"

The three of them disappeared.

Both Hiruzen and Shishui stood together in silent until the latter broke it. "We seemed to be forgetting something."

"Yes, it seems that way."

"Something very important and serious matter."

The two continued their musing.

"Say… I'm just wondering…"

"Yes, Shishui?"

"With Fugaku-sama and Mikoto-sama's deaths, wouldn't my clan be leaderless?"

"Now that you mention it, it does seem that way, doesn't it?"

"And you basically signed off the clan heir to be experimented upon and me witnessing it without raising an objection."

"Yes."

"And the experiment would cause the said clan heir would become a crazy psychopath who has a tendency to provoke the younger clan heir to kill the said person by telling the said sibling to hate him and live in an unsightly way, only to come before him with the same eyes."

"You're right."

The two were silent once more.

"Shit."

"Indeed."

* * *

a

* * *

**Author's note**

1. The eyes all over one's body is a reference to an Arrancar in Bleach. Why stop at eyes around your arms when you can have them all over the body, right?

2. Have anyone noticed that the police force in Konoha only work from nine to five, or at most work only day time? Or else, how did Itachi and Madara managed to catch all of them in one place at the same time? That being said, it's no wonder Hinata got kidnapped easily in canon. There's no police at all at night!


	9. Seeds of the future

Somewhere, in a dark and gloomy location, evil shadows were lurking about, planning, conspiring.

"Right now, the influence of our organisation is growing at an acceptable pace," the leader of those conspirators asked. "Soon, we will establish Akatsuki as competitor to the major Hidden Villages and bring them to ruin."

"So, will we get stock options, Pein?" another person asked of the leader. "Will Akatsuki go public and have its stocks traded?"

"No." A short and concise answer.

"Tch. At least we get to do countless high paying job for the next six to eight years."

"A greedy blasphemer like you would be subjected to eternal torment in hellfire, Kakuzu."

"Do I look like as if I care, Hidan?"

"The two of you may continue your quarrel afterwards. If there's no question, we will reconvene at a later date…" Pein stopped. He then turned to look at another member, whose blue skin and gill appearance easily made him the most memorable member of the group. "You have a question, Kisame."

It was a statement.

"Well, yeah. The thing is, I've been thinking,"

"Go on."

"Konoha has suffered a large setback due to Kyuubi and compounded by that attack on its security force. Suna is declining due to its daimyo's stupidity. Iwa is still licking its wounds from the previous war. Kumo, well, it's not doing well too. And Kirigakure? Don't get me started on that place. So, right now all of those super powers are not in good conditions due to one reason or another."

"Indeed they are not," Pein agreed.

"So, I'm not questioning your motive or something, but wouldn't now is the perfect time for us to, you know, capture those tailed beasts in order to carry out our plan, whatever it is? Or is there a real reason why we have to wait for a long time before making our move?"

"There is a compelling reason for us to bide our time."

"So, may I know the reason, or it's one of those thing I have to look underneath the underneath?"

"Not at all. The main reason why we're not taking any action right now is because the protagonist is too young."

"Sorry?" Kisame asked, not understanding what he heard.

"As villains, we will take action when the protagonist is at the correct age to resist us. Of course, the unfortunate side effect of waiting for that to happen is other villages apart from Suna and Kirigakure, will have recovered and thus become stronger, but that is inconsequential as long as the protagonist himself is ready.

"Okay, now we're blatantly breaking the fourth wall, but I'm going to pretend not to hear that because I have a bigger issue to focus on. Why must we delay? Couldn't we just cheat, play dirty and do all those nefarious things? We're villains after all. Heck, we're shinobis, we uneven the playing field, literally and figuratively!"

There was a collective sighs echoing throughout the place.

"What?" Kisame asked, affronted by the reaction. "Did I say something wrong?"

"Indeed, we're villains, Kisame," Pein confirmed. "However, please don't mistake being a villain to a normal evil doer or even dark hero. The differences are as clear as night and day."

"Huh?"

A young blonde shinobi snorted. "I can't believe you don't know the difference, un."

"I don't need an upstart to look down on me, Deidara," Kisame remarked while pointing his finger at the blonde. "And what the hell with that 'un'?"

"Explaining to someone uncultured like you is a waste of my breath, un."

"I'd rather be uncultured rather than sounding like I have constipation problem."

"DAMN, YOU!... un."

"I rest my case."

Akatsuki's members were powerful that a single backhand from anyone of them would be enough to kill a Chunnin-level ninja. So, when two of them were engaging in a childish quarrel, even the members themselves found it a troublesome thing to break them up. It was simpler to just focus things on hand as the two would focus on discussion when it suited them. Pein turned toward a raven-haired kunoichi. "Konan."

"Yes, Pein-sama," Konan acknowledge her name being called as an order. "I will explain. A proper villain is not a mere evil doer per say. For example, all ninjas, whether good or evil, cheats and play dirty since they were to taught to do so. However, only an evil person would do something heinous such as kick a cute puppy. A villain would do that, as well do those other things."

Kisame turned his head away from his verbal sparring partner. "Those other things?"

"First and foremost, a villain must always introduce himself to the protagonist."

"We have to?" came the expected question from the surprised swordsman.

"Think about it, heathen," Hidan said. "If you just go and kill the main character without a proper introduction, how will he know that you're the biggest threat that he has to face?"

"A villain without any identity is just a nameless evil doer." Konan said. "That is why each one of us have to prepare a very lengthy introduction to be given to the main character,"

"We do?" Kisame was more of a 'Hi and now die' kind of person, so he didn't really put much emphasis on his appearance. Of course, being viewed as anthropomorphic shark by some people even though he was a normal human being, as normal as a person with blue skin, shark-like teeth and having gills, Kisame didn't think that he need to do anything to be more noticeable than he already was.

"It's common courtesy to introduce yourself upon meeting your opponent and then tell him all those evil plans you seek to unleash on the world."

Kisame blinked.

"Appearance is everything," Kakuzu added while nodding his head, "Apart from the introduction, what clothing you're wearing when you first appear is also important. How will the enemy take you seriously as a villain if you appear in front of him wearing cheap clothing?" He then produced a robe "Look! I've procured sophisticated and expensive-looking black robes that have red clouds motives on them that we can wear as a uniform."

There were murmurs of appreciation throughout the place.

"We're also in the process of building a base, which is very expensive and labour-intensive, which necessitates us to undertake high-paying missions to fund the construction," Konan, wearing papier-mâché frame spectacles, said while riffling through the documents in her hand. "Your calculation is impeccable, Kakuzu-san."

"Thanks."

"Wait! Wait! Wait" Kisame protested, "Couldn't we forgo having an expensive base?"

Suddenly, the place became so quiet that the former Kiri swordsman found it unnerving. "Did I say something wrong?"

"Kisame," Pein said patiently. "Every villain needs a big and unnecessarily large, spacious base, one that would show that he's powerful."

"Hello?" Kisame said while half-raising his hand. "I think we're quite powerful."

Hidan snorted. "Look at where we are right now, in the middle of a dreary cave, not fit for a follower of Jashin-sama such as me!"

"We want the hero to come, attack the base and be astounded by the sight! He will think that we are very dangerous because not only we have strength and power, we also look the part!" Kakuzu explained. "Can you imagine what will happen if the hero search for us and saw that we live in a cave or even worse, a small run down shack? Akatsuki's bad name will be ruined!"

"Don't you mean good name?" Kisame questioned.

"We're villains! Of course I mean bad name."

"Okay… so we're building a very expensive base just so that we can show that we're badass…"

"Also, the base will be equipped with all kind of traps, such as the classical trap doors on the floor, arrows coming out from the wall and the rolling boulders to ensnare unwary intruders," Sasori said.

"That is out-dated, Sasori-danna, un."

"Art is everlasting."

"Art is a bang. Which is why we need to install explosives all over the base so that when the good guys win, Pein-sama, being the villains' head honcho would give a long monologue about how he would make sure that they would perish with himl. After giving the good guys a running start, Pein-sama would activate the base' self-destruct sequence and remain standing in one place like an idiot while laughing maniacally until the ceiling collapsed on him... un."

"That is thoughtful of you," Pein said as he nodded his head. "I appreciate the foresight that went into the planning."

"And we also need to install those high level seals so that our illusions can appear at the base even though we're far away…" Sasori mused. "And then there's the entrance… minions to hire to maintain the place as well as the food to feed them… anti termite treatment… proper ventilation network…"

"We also need to think about the company song," Hidan suddenly added, "I suggest the title 'Praise to Jashin-sama'!"

"Huh. No one cares about Jashin. The song should have a commercial title such as 'Give me your heart' or 'Money talks'," Kakuzu sniffed. "Hey! How about those retirement benefits? Health Insurance? I have five hearts to take care of, so I deserve five times the amount! And we forgot about bonus! We have to talk about bonus!"

As other members began to throw around ideas on how to worsen their organisation's villainy, Pein turned toward Kisame. "Do you understand now? We can't make our move now because there a lot of things to do first."

Kisame merely gawked.

ToN-ToN

ToN-ToN

Sasuke punched the training post with his right fist as hard as he could, anger fuelling the move.

"Again!" A voice called out. "Your way of punching is wrong! Your wrist must be totally straight and firm or else you will break it."

The boy let out a small snort, trying to play down the throbbing pain in the wrist of the hand that performed the imperfect punch, not wanting to give the man who made the comment the satisfaction of being right.

Sasuke was frustrated and that was putting it mildly. Recently he had become an orphan and lost both his father and mother. He wasn't supposed to be informed but a small coincident caused him to overhear the clan elders discussing about 'the possibility of one of ours turning rogue'. The seven-year old wouldn't understand the real meaning of the statement until later, but what he did know at that time was that he really wanted to meet his brother and tell him that their parents were no more.

Yet, Itachi had yet to appear and from what he knew, had been declared as Missing-In-Action. What he also knew was that Shishui, his brother's best friend had returned from the mission safely. When Sasuke approached him to ask what had happened to his brother, the latter refrained from answering his question and simply left, to his utter confusion. The day after that, the young heir found out that he was to be tutored by Shishui exclusively who then proceeded to turn his day-to-day life into a nightmare. The training programme introduced by the elder Uchiha was so gruesome that Sasuke found himself eager to go to the Academy which ceased to be a boring place and had become a temporary retreat for him from the said treatment.

_He broke down one day and demanded to know why Shishui was being a prick to him and the whereabouts of his brother. In response, Shishui grabbed him by the collar in a manner one would hold a mangy cat and raised him to the eye level. _

"_Hn."_

_Shishui then threw him into a nearby lake and merely watched as Sasuke sputtered and struggled to keep afloat. That throw into the water constituted Sasuke's one and only 'swimming lesson' and he quickly learned that whenever he did something that displeased the Teme, or 'Shishui-sensei' as he was forced to call the asshole, he would be thrown into the pond. In the end, Sasuke learned that he had to restrain himself as being soaked to the bone while undergoing training made the session harder than usual._

"Do another hundred sets, perfectly or else we'll restart from zero. Then you're to practice your sad excuse of hand seals before we move on to the next lesson."

Stupid Shishui, making his life miserable. Just he wait. One day, Sasuke would become strong enough and he would turn the table on the man. He would be sure to find a lake infested with crocodiles first.

That said lake would also be perfect place to dump all those older, icky girls who started to follow him around, cooing 'Sasuke-kun' in high-pitch voice all the time. He didn't know what caused them to start following him around but what he did notice was that they started doing so right after Shishui-teme began to tort.., er, train him.

Something hit his head, breaking Sasuke out of his reverie, before dropping to the ground nearby. Whatever hit him wasn't that hard but left a damp mark at the spot. He looked down and saw a half-splattered tomato. He turned to glare at the person who threw it only to receive a hit to the face, this time a rotten one.

He would make sure the crocodiles were starved first before he threw _that man _into the lake.

ToN-ToN

ToN-ToN

Hiruzen took a leisurely stroll toward the place, enjoying the slow and relaxed pace he was taking. While he could have simply watched what was going on through his scrying orb, he has to go outside of his office sometimes since it wouldn't do to be cooped up in the office doing paperwork all day long. Besides, he would prefer to watch in person the progress of Naruto, his favourite foster grandson, in the art of shinobi after Jounin Kariya Tomoe began her work as his mentor. After all, it was his job as Hokage to safeguard the king as well.

The king of Konoha. Unbidden, memory of his wayward son came to the mind.

Brash and unfortunately, stupid, Asuma had questioned many things that Hiruzen did, without really trying to understand the real reason behind it. For example, the younger Sarutobi had accused his father of being soft to Uchiha clan, even though the clan, in Asuma's opinion, was being arrogant and had big sticks up their collective asses. Hiruzen wanted to explain the truth of the matter, but couldn't as it involved a secret that needed to be kept for the sake of the village that it superseded familial bonds.

Hiruzen couldn't explain the truth, so he tried another approach: he told Asuma that the later didn't fully understand the Will of Fire because he had yet to find out about the 'King of Konoha'.

Soon after, Asuma went to join Twelve Guardian Ninja, a group that was assign to safeguard Land of Fire's daimyo, probably thinking that his father was referring to the Daimyo when talking about the said king.

Idiot.

The 'King' referred to the principal reason that would motivate each Konoha shinobi to fight for the sake of the village. The 'King' may differ from each person to another but what mattered was they were willing to fight for those beliefs. For example, Jiraiya once stated that he fought to protect the sanctity of the village's open air baths so that he could go and peek on women bathing in them. While the statement sounded ridiculous and more importantly, not altruistic at all, no one could deny the pervert's skills and capabilities. For Hiruzen, his 'King' was everyone in the village. Thus, it was his job to ensuring the safety of everyone in the village to his best ability. One of the steps he had taken to achieve that was to develop the future protector of Konoha whom he was about to visit.

After few minutes more, Hiruzen finally arrived to the clearing of the training ground where Kariya and Naruto were using.

His blood curdled.

Naruto was standing face to face against a very large black bear. The said bear was standing on its hind legs while its right arm was raised, poised to strike. Instantly, Hiruzen pumped chakra into his legs, launching himself at the imminent threat to the young child he considered his own grandson. However, the distance between protector of the village and the bear was too far away that he couldn't probably couldn't make it in time to save Naruto…

"Okay, you may answer the question," Naruto said to the bear.

"Kuma!" the bear uttered somewhat happily as it dropped down and moved to a blackboard next to Naruto. It then picked a piece of chalk and then started writing the said board.

Hiruzen crashed into the ground.

After the dust from his impromptu crash had settled, Hiruzen got up and finally noticed that apart from the bear, there were a snake, a squirrel and cat gathered around the boy as well as Tomoe who was hugging her knees to the chest, rocking herself slowly. He cautiously made his way to the place, not relinquishing his hold on the kunai that had found itself into his hand. When he got close enough to the group, he could hear Tomoe was muttering about how she was more stupid than the average bear.

"Rowr!" the bear said as it finished writing and replaced the chalk.

"Thank you," Naruto said as the said animal return to its place. He then looked over the bear's writing. "Okay, good effort, though not very accurate. Remember, the question is 'a 9 kilogram monkey jumped from a 10 meter high tree. What is the impulse of the said monkey when it hit the ground with the given collision time is 0.1 second'?"

Strangely, the animals nodded as if understanding what was being said.

"Now, what our friend calculated is the momentum of the monkey just before he made contact to the ground. To get the impulse, he has to divide that momentum with the collision time," Naruto explain as he appended the writing.

The bear put a paw on its face, as if embarrassed.

"Good try, though. If the collision time is 1 second then the answer would have been correct." Naruto said, placating it. "Now, what is the application of this knowledge?"

"Hiiiissssss!" the snake answered.

"Good answer. When you drop on a prey, you have to increase the collision time to prevent injury to yourself."

The snake nodded its head, as if pleased.

Naruto then noticed Hiruzen walking toward them. "Okay, the today's lesson ends here. We'll continue it at the same time tomorrow."

All of the animals nodded in his direction and then began leaving the place. The bear moved slowly toward Hiruzen who tightened his grip on the kunai. When the bear was close enough to strike him, the animal stopped, looked at him, raised a single paw and let out a short 'Growf' at the man before continuing on its way.

The bear greeted him? Wait, didn't the bear looked like the ones normally found on the Forest of Death? The man-eating bears whose swipes can cut a grown man into two?

"Hey, Jiji!" Naruto said while waving his arm.

Hiruzen made his way to the boy. "Is that a bear that greeted me just now?"

The boy laughed. "You like to joke around, Jiji."

"I thought so." He must be getting senile to be imagining such a thing.

"Of course it's a bear and his name is Alphonse de Gallant the Fourth."

"I'm afraid of that, and I'm also astonished with the fact that it has such a grandiose name." He thought about the absurdity of the situation. "So, what is this Alphonse, a bear I should mention, doing learning things from you? It's something you don't normally see every day."

"Well, he's interested, so I guess why not."

"A bear?"

"That day, I saw an ANBU talking to one of his dogs and the dog talked back."

"Right." If ninja's summon animals could talk, why couldn't normal animal learn?

Hiruzen decided to quickly abandon thinking about that fact. Now, if his sight didn't fail him, the snake that was near Naruto just now was a mamushi, a type of pit viper whose venom could kill the boy instantly. Wait, something wasn't right with what he saw just now. "Wasn't there a squirrel next to the snake just now?"

"Yes?"

"Snakes eat squirrels, and yet the squirrel was safe."

Naruto laughed again, a hand behind his head. "Of course. Everyone knows only people eat excessively, not animals. The snake already had its breakfast before coming in so there's no problem."

Ouch. That bit about human's tendency to waste things hurt a bit to hear coming from a young boy. "That bear - the bear eat people, you know."

"Oh!" Naruto said while putting his left fist on the right palm. "No wonder he told me that he would like to take me out for lunch."

Hiruzen felt that ping of headache at Naruto's answer. "You don't find the fact that the bear eat people strange?" He said, attempting to explain to the boy the risks of being near man-eating bears, forgetting the fact that Naruto had Tomoe, who at that time was still in her little world, to guard him as well as the ability to outrun the bear.

"I saw few shops in Konoha selling bear organs and body parts for consumption, so I think it goes both ways. Besides, the bears will say grace before eating us, so…"

"Yup, must be getting senile to be having such a conversation." He shifted his attention to Tomoe who was still rocking herself slowly. "What happened to her?"

"I don't know," Naruto said as he rubbed his chin thoughtfully, "All I know is…"

"_Naruto," Kariya Tomoe said to her young charge who was listening in rapt attention. "Today, we're going to be practicing on how to throw a kunai." She then pointed at a target on a faraway post, purposely selecting it because it's distance from them: kids like it when they saw something awesome, so she was going to show off her skill a bit. The former ANBU settled into a throwing stance. "Now, watch me as I throw the kunai at the target. Ready?"_

"_Okay!" _

_At the signal, the kunai flew from her hand and pierced the dead centre of the target with a meaty metallic sound. She grinned at the target. "See?" she said as she turned toward Naruto._

_The kid wasn't at his position._

"_Wow!" Naruto called, and the woman turned toward the voice to see that he was already next to the target. "That's impressive, the way the kunai is embedded up to its handle."_

"_Of course," Tomoe said even as she mentally smacked her head: how could she forget the periodic exercises involving the ANBU chasing the boy? "And you're going next."_

_A second later, Naruto had already moved back to his original spot. "Let me try!" he said excitedly. _

_Tomoe handed the boy a kunai. "Okay, let's see," she said as she search for a suitable target. "Maybe you can try that one," she said as she pointed at a target five meters away from them. _

"_Eh, but I want to try hitting the target you hit," Naruto whined. _

"_But that's too far for you. You're still a kid," she replied, taking into account the boy's still developing psyche. _

"_I want to try!"_

"_Try the nearer one"_

"_Farther one!"_

"_Nearer!"_

"_Farther!"_

"_Nearer!"_

"_Nearer!"_

"_Farther! And if you don't want to listen to my instruction and hit the nearer target, I'm not going to teach you cool things!"_

"_Okay, farther it is," Naruto said happily._

_Tomoe sulked as she realised the slipup she made. "Fine! I'm going to laugh if you don't hit the target," she said childishly. _

_The whiskered boy balanced the kunai between his hands, testing its weight and heft. He then looked at the ground at his feet and then at the base of the target. He closed his eyes while his mouth opened and closed, as if talking voicelessly. After ten seconds, he opened his eyes, adopted a stance Tomoe associated with a samurai throwing a spear, and threw his kunai at a high angle. _

_The boy's minder wondered why he threw the kunai in that manner. Unlike Tomoe's own throw which was a blur due to its high speed, Naruto's kunai flew slowly through the air upward and away from the boy until it reached the peak of its height before beginning to descend. _

"_Thunk!" The kunai hit at the edge of the target._

"_How?" Tomoe asked in awe. Despite missing the bulls-eye, her charge still managed to hit the target, something a normal genin couldn't do. _

"_Well, it's a simple parabolic equation," Naruto said as he wrote strange symbols on blackboard that suddenly appeared out of nowhere. "Discounting wind disturbance which is negligible since there wasn't any just now, we can just use the parabolic formula - ax^2 + bx + c. Knowing the kunai's weight and the approximate speed of my hand movement and so on, I can calculate the exact trajectory so that the kunai will land on the board. Well, hitting it dead in the centre is beyond me due to my current skill, but that's why you're here to teach me, right?"_

_Tomoe's mouth hung open in shock. What did the academy teach students those days?_

"And that's basically it," Naruto finished.

"Hm… I see," Hiruzen said while nodding his head. Trust Naruto to come up with some gibberish so that he could throw a kunai far. The boy could have just used his speed to throw the thing so that it travelled in a straight line… "Wait! That didn't explain how a bear, a venomous snake, an alley cat and a squirrel appeared in front of you, learning this 'para… ugh, para…'

"Para Para Dance?"

"No... Para-what you said just now?"

"Parabolic formula."

"Yes, that!" Hiruzen was known as the God of Shinobi, of that there was no doubt. However, there had yet to be anyone referring him as the God of Multiplication Table.

"Oh, the bear was passing through while I was explaining to Tomoe-neechan about the basic mathematics' involved in my calculation and joined in because it wanted to learn how to throw a stone at killer bee's hive to drop it from far away without risking them attacking him."

"The mamushi?" Come to think of it, the snake also look similar to those found in the Forest of Death.

"Oh, he wanted to know what is the maximum distance he would travel when he jump from a tree to attack unsuspecting chunnin candidates travelling through the Forest of Death during Chunnin Examination, whatever that event is, so that he can teach it to his family and friends. He's also interested in learning how to calculate the median lethal dose of his venom when administered to the said chunnin candidates."

Hiruzen made a note to himself to cancel the upcoming chunnin examination that was supposed to be held in Konoha in another six months. Maybe the next year or the other one or until he retire or at the very least forget about Naruto told him; a lot of sake would probably help with the last part. "The cat?"

"He was curious."

"The squirrel?"

"He's a numbers nut."

"… right… Good to see you doing well, Naruto," Hiruzen said as he ruffled Naruto's hair absently before taking some money and handed it to the boy. "Here, take Tomoe-neechan to lunch," he said as he began to walk away.

"Okay!" the future ninja said while looking at the money in his hand. "Wait, don't you want to know why Tomoe-neechan became like that?"

"Ah, paperwork! Paperwork! So much paperwork to do! Happy, happy paperwork to do!" Hiruzen sang merrily and more important, loud enough that he couldn't hear what Naruto was saying next.

"How I miss the monotony of paperwork already!"

ToN-ToN

ToN-ToN

Two months had passed and the academy had resumed, albeit with a sombre atmosphere permeating throughout it. After all, if the police force, the highly skilled guardian of the village was attacked by an unknown enemy, what to prevent the enemy or other various threats from attacking the village?

Despite the gloomy atmosphere, one boy remained himself, hands fiddling with some metal things with a long, thin cigarette in his mouth. And that was the situation where Hinata Hyūga found him. The boy piqued her interest because he seemed oblivious to what other people were feeling at that time. And then, there's another thing that disturbed her. "Um, ano…no… no… no… no… no…. no…"

Naruto turned toward her. "Why do you sound like a broken record?"

"I'm supposed to have a stammer… mer… mer… mer… mer…"

"You sound more like an echo rather having a stammering problem."

"But… But… But… But… But…"

"Now you're beginning to creep me out by telling me your sexual preference even though the two of us are still kids and aren't supposed to display such behaviour." Naruto closed the distance between the two of them and pinched her cheek.

"Yi!" Hinata shrieked in alarm.

"There you go. Your problem is not that bad," Naruto proclaimed confidently. "Or else you would have stammered that one as well. I also would like to say that I don't find your stammering problem cute. After all, no good people will find someone's personal problem to be cute because it's insulting to the other person. You are cute, and I like your personality as well, but you really have to fix your problem, Hyūga-san."

Hinata's whole body began to flush red as she replayed his compliment in her mind over and over, all the while missing the other part of the sentence.

Naruto flicked her forehead, eliciting a yelp of pain from her. "Now, please don't go faint on me every time I say something nice about you. You would have other people think that I did something very _bad_ to you, even though it would take me another eight years before I begin to find girls attractive. You don't want to get me into trouble, do you?"

The Hyūga heiress shook her head vigorously in denial.

"Now, you're just shy and not sure what to say. That's normal. Just think about what you're going to say in your mind, repeat it and then say it out loud."

Hinata looked unsure.

"Try it. I'll wait," Naruto persuaded her.

Nodding, she closed her eyes. "Ano…" she began, "Uzumaki-san?"

"Yes?"

"My father said that a kid shouldn't smoke."

"Okay… why are you telling me that?"

Hinata opened her eyes wide and began talking, "During the class session just now, I saw you with a cigarette in your mouth. Although you didn't light it up, it got me thinking that you follow the bad example from someone else. But to have displayed such a negative thing to an impressionable child, you know, it's something that an adult isn't supposed to do because…"

"And just like that, she lost her stammer," Naruto said to himself amidst her long tirade about why an adult should show a good example to a child.

Ten minutes later,

"And that is why I feel strongly against you smoking at this age!" Hinata concluded with conviction in her voice.

"I wasn't smoking, Hinata-chan," Naruto said as he brought out a small box and opened it, revealing sticks similar to what he ate just now. "These are chocolate-coated biscuit sticks, not cigarettes. It's Pocky, my newest favourite food."

"I thought your favourite food is ramen?"

The blonde academy student looked at his classmate quizzically. "Wow! How do you know about that?"

"Er…" Since she was only an amateur stalker, a very young at that, she has yet to develop the capability to lie through her teeth. A few years later, not then, Hinata would grow up to become an experienced stalker, but still with underdeveloped capability to lie. Besides, lying to someone she respected didn't feel right. Her best defence was to go on offence and that included redirecting his attention away. "I s…s…s…s"

The stammer was ended by another pinch to the cheek. "Don't be a snake now,"

"Ow…" Hinata said while rubbing her chin. "I saw you at a ramen shop yesterday."

"Oh." Unlike Naruto's ANBU minders, Hinata's still growing chakra coil and lack of 'intent' basically rendered her stalking undetectable to him. It was like being watched by a tiger and a hamster at the same time; one would be forgiven not to notice the hamster since the tiger would certainly attract more urgent attention. "Well, my favourite is ramen, udon, and pocky, and dango, teriyaki and many more!"

"Shouldn't you have only one favourite food?"

Naruto tsked and wagged his finger. "That is naïve. Just because you like something very much, doesn't mean you don't have something else that you like so much. Do you love you father?"

The girl nodded. Her father can be very strict when training her but she still loved him.

"Don't you have someone else?"

"My late mother and my sister."

"So do you like them very much?"

"So, they're your favourite people, right?"

Hinata's eyes widened. For a normal child, such a concept was something new. So when she said that her food was mochi, only mochi was something she preferred. But since Naruto-kun pointed out that she can have more than one favourite people. Using the same argument, she could have more than one favourite food! What a discovery! She could have candy as her favourite food as well.

While such revelation could be considered trivial to adults, sometimes such a trivial thing would play a major factor in the personality development of a child. Just like a puppy barking happily at a six-year old child caused him to develop cynophobia or fear of dogs which could last even into adulthood, Hinata's finding out that she could have more than one favourite food would eventually lead to her adopting a more flexible approach to her future shinobi development.

Naruto was about say something else when he remembered something. He glanced around before reaching inside his bag. "Have one," he whispered as he handed an unopened box of Pocky to Hinata.

Hinata's eyebrows furrowed. "Why are you whispering?" She whispered back.

"Because I suddenly remembered that I'm not supposed to show to anyone that I have Pocky on my person,"

"Why?"

"Dunno. All I know is that the one gave me told me not to let anyone find out. It's a secret between the two of us, okay?" Naruto said conspiratorially.

Sharing secret with someone else! It was the first time in her whole life Hinata felt like she was training to be a ninja! Yes, her family was known for producing top-notch shinobis and kunoichis but she has yet to see them do something ninja-like such as wear dark colours or utilising ninja weapons instead of trying to beat their enemies with taijutsu. Let it be known that the young girl would never look down on her family' Juuken technique, but the book she read mentioned that shinobis and kunoichis were supposed to kill enemy quietly and stealthily. The thing was, juuken was anything but quiet and stealthy. For example, Kaiten, one of its hisatsu wazas, or the deadly arts as the civilians called them, required the user to be in the middle of a field without any obstruction in order to be effective. Of course, one could perform it near a river bank, or while being cornered at the edge of a cliff by the hostile combatants but, well, one could imagine what would happen.

So, to be doing something shinobi-like for the first time gave her a burst of thrill. Perhaps in the future she would be assigned to a very cool stalking, correction, intelligence gathering mission where she would utilize her skill to trail a suspect to find out what diabolical plan he was going to do, something like those detective stories she had heard so much. Maybe she could recruit Naruto-kun for such missions! After all, he know how do something ninja-like so…

"IT IS THE SPRINGTIME OF YOUTH!" a shout came from somewhere outside the school, distracting Hinata from her thought.

"It's that weirdo again," a blonde girl wearing bright purple dress, Ino was it?, said while looking out of the window.

"Yea, Ino-chan," Sakura, the girl with colourful pink hair whose bright red clothes were suitable for a birthday party rather than a raid party or rescue party, said in agreement. "My father said that person is a powerful shinobi."

"Oh, I heard that there's another one's always reading orange-coloured book who's quite strong."

Further discussion was cut short when the door opened and Sawada Aohime-sensei entered the class. "Okay class," she began after the customary greeting by the students were over. "Today we're going to learn about the importance of using flashy, loud and energy-wasting jutsus and why we should always favour them over using stealthy and ambush attacks."

"Yay, large, flashy and energy-wasting jutsus!" Kiba cheered to the agreement of most boy students and few girl students as well.

Unfortunately for Hinata, during her growing up years, she would have a lot of 'good role models' to learn from.

ToN-ToN

ToN-ToN

Tomoe put a hand on her forehead and let out an exasperated breath as she looked at the Naruto-size dent at the large oak tree as the person who caused it began to slowly slide down the trunk. Respect and obedience aside, sometimes she felt that Hokage-sama was really short-changing her by assigning such a difficult mission of teaching Naruto to become a shinobi. The Jounin took solace in the fact that she found a kindred spirit in the form of Naruto's class teacher who immediately proposed that they became oath sisters when the latter found out about her assignment.

She was seriously considering it because she needed the mental support as much as she could.

Naruto proved to be a very problematic child.

It would be far easier solve if Naruto had a learning problem. However, Naruto was genius. And that was what made it problematic to teach him as his genius wasn't comparable to any genius that Konoha had, be it Hatake Kakashi, Uchiha Itachi or even, is she dared to venture, Namikaze Minato. The three of them were genius in their own rights in the field of shinobi but Naruto… When she was assigned as the boy's guard she felt that he was a weird child; since she was assigned as his mentor, she couldn't begin to describe him. She doubted anyone else including Hokage-sama could too.

Well, on the positive side, teaching Naruto the shinobi art was rather easy. Naruto's innate speed alone could have made him a credible threat foe even to seasoned taijutsu master. After all, all those fancy-mancy techniques were useless if they couldn't stop a single jab delivered at a very high speed. Of course, no one would be afraid of a small boy's punch. However, put a kunai into the boy's hand, and his lethality increased ten-fold.

Putting that kunai into his hand would be a long term project though as her progress in teaching him would be faster if she stopped trying to mould him into a shinobi and instead just give him the tools and skills in the hope that Naruto himself will made that important choice. After all, she had already succeeded in getting him interested in trap by dropping carefully worded and timed suggestions that making trap-making required inventive skills, something that not many people have. The boy took it as a personal challenge to come up with as many indigenous traps as he could, which was a good thing. The bad thing was that as with his inventions, Naruto's traps tend to sprung themselves on the boy; one of those went off prematurely a few seconds prior, leading to the creation of that dent on the tree.

Well, as long as his life and, _more importantly_, her own sanity weren't in real danger, Tomoe was content in letting the boy test any trap he created first. Once a trap was deemed stable and safe enough, she would inform the ANBU headquarters to send in an idiot to try it.

She had received numerous offers to bypass the headquarters and instead deal directly with those who made the offers.

Naruto's traps were popular among ANBUs not because the ANBUs were crazy. They were _crazy_, of course, but that wasn't the reason why they wanted to be the one testing the traps. Being very experienced in shinobi warfare, they were quite adept at trap making themselves that normal traps ceased to be threatening and instead became something of a ho-hum. Most of the popular traps either have ninja wires, kunais, seal tags or combination of those that many experienced shinobis and kunoichis could enter a place and immediately predict where the triggers would be placed and direction where an attack would come from. Being predictable made the traps boring and the shinobi trying to spot them become complacent, counterintuitively endangering the life of the said shinobi.

What if a trap was set so that it wouldn't kill or maim but instead caused a dose of potent catnip to be discretely sprayed at the heel area? The trap wasn't dangerous and thus was more likely to be unnoticeable. However, later on, the mark would suddenly find himself being chased by numerous amorous cats in the area and thus had his cover blown. Or perhaps that other trap where one of the inconspicuously hidden ninja wires had to be triggered to deactivate trigger of an area-wide trap? How about a carefully placed dog poo that would made that loud and satisfactory squelching sound when stepped upon? Now, trying to find and outsmart such diabolical inventions; that was exciting!

To have a talented boy already producing traps to ensnare ANBUs: Tomoe was as proud as any older sister would be.

An older sister.

It would be nice to have such an annoying kid as a brother. It would have been nicer if her mother was still alive as she could have brought Naruto to her house to introduce to her. A former kunoichi herself, her mother would be more understanding of Naruto's status.

Maybe she could have introduce Naruto as her future fiancé, she thought naughtily, while looking down at the golden bracelets on her wrists. While she was impartial to gap in age between partners in a relationship, Tomoe wasn't a shota-con. It's just that the way Naruto presented the bracelets, or as he insisted 'rings' to her would have looked like a marriage proposal, minus the kneeling down and flowers. After all, when a man asked a woman whether she would wear his ring, it signified that he wanted to her to be his wife, right?

So, when he had asked her, she teased by telling him while she was touched, he was too young to be in the way of the family. He told him that rings were not for 'the way of the family' and instead was intended for her safety.

Humouring the boy, she put on the 'rings' which quickly adjusted themselves to her wrists, to her alarm. Effort to remove them were futile as the two accessories phased out; she could see them, could touch them but when she tried to pull them off, her fingers went through them. Distraught, Tomoe had approached Hokage-sama regarding the matter after she finished teaching Naruto and was surprised to discover that her leader as well as Jiraiya-sama knew about the existence of the items but weren't sure what they were and how they function. Since there was no proof that they were dangerous and having them on were not inconveniencing her, it was decided to simply let them be.

There was another option, which was to go seek help from Konoha Research Bureau, but even she wasn't _that _crazy.

ToN-ToN

ToN-ToN

That day, all of the important people were gathered in one place for one reason: to see what he has to say. If he was the old him, them being there would stroke his ego as he would feel that he was one step closer to becoming Hokage. But then, he was a changed man, no longer coveting the position as the supreme ruler of the village and instead dedicated his energy in pursue of science.

But his ego still receive a massive boost; being the Sannins meant mountain-size ego. Why shouldn't he? After all, what he was going to reveal would change the history of Konoha and inevitably, the world. After all, that was his real plan; rather than leave a legacy for Konoha, he was going to leave a legacy in the field of science as large as the legacy left by the Sage of the Six Paths in shinobi world. But enough of self-appeasement. The plebeians were waiting for his words.

"**If today we go to war, we're going to win the war because we have the best men. And because they are going to get better. Much better. The Strategic Scientific Initiatives is a Konoha Reasearch Bureau's effort made up of the best minds in the shinobi world. Our goal is to create the best army in history. But every army starts with one man. At the end of this today, we will create that man. He will be the first in a new breed of super-soldier."**

"Fuwah," a recently promoted to Chuunin rank Anko uttered in amazement at the speech. "He's really milking this for propaganda purposes, doesn't he?"

Kabuto, wearing his lab coat over his normal shinobi gear, adjusted his spectacle with his middle finger. "To be honest, I don't know which one is more amazing: the fact that everyone is hearing his speech closely or the fact that he's too cheap to pay his own speech writer and instead stole it from a movie that he watched without paying for the ticket."

A man dressed in dark green uniform walked into everyone's view. The flak jacket he wore was similar to the one normally worn by chuunins and jounins except that the utility pockets were slightly slanted diagonally to allow better access by the opposite hand. His face was mostly covered by a matching green mask, except for the areas around his eyes, mouth and nose. The forehead protector had a Konoha symbol on it which was also on the right and left upper arm sides of the uniform. Something that attracted the attention of everyone present was that the man carried a large folded fuuma shuriken in the manner that allowed him to use it as a shield to protect against certain physical attacks.

"**Now, I present to you,"** Orochimaru continued, **"the culmination of Konoha Research Bureau excellence in technological field, the pride of the village itself: Konoha Taichou!"**

"Captain Konoha?" Anko repeated.

Kabuto shrugged as the seals set on some walls went off with small popping sounds, showering the whole place with confetti as energetic tune played in the background.

"**Konoha Taichou, the First Avenger!"** Orochimaru announced. **"The super protector of the village."**

"A super hero?" Anko questioned her fellow colleague.

"We managed to awaken the Magenkyo Sharingan in him and basically bumped him from A level shinobi to SS level, so what Orochimaru said isn't that farfetched." Kabuto explained amidst the sannin's long-winding snake-oil-selling speech to everyone else.

"How do you get him to awaken that fabled eyes of his? I thought that he's supposed to kill someone close to him?"

"That's because the clan didn't understand the real activation method. Currently, there are conflicting reports about the activation, from killing one's brother, one's wife, one's best friend and even one's favourite goldfish. There's also another suggestion that it's not necessary to kill them but instead watch them die. All of those are fallacies."

"Fallacies?"

"Bullshits."

"Ah! Why didn't you say so earlier?"

"I did."

"So, why do you say the conditions are bullshits?"

"If those conditions are real, then activating Magenkyo Sharingan is very easy that every single Uchiha who have Sharingan can manifest Magenkyo."

"Huh?" Anko said, confused. "How?"

"Simple. All we need to do is put the Uchiha into an intricate genjutsu where he killed someone dear to him and," Kabuto snapped his finger, something characteristically out of character for him, "instant Magenkyo. Remember, Sharingan means the wielder is resistant but not immune to genjutsu. Or else, we can have a Yamanaka dive into their minds and create false memories. Or if the theory of watching someone you love die really holds water, we don't need to resort to such measures. We just let an Uchiha watch his father or mother or close family member die due to natural reason…"

"And Magenkyo will be awakened as well," Anko said. "But that's not the case. So, the conditions aren't really important?"

"Yes, and for a while we also tested the hypothesis that physical pain can be used to invoke it."

"How do you do that?"

"We tortured Itachi two days straight."

"Hoi!" Anko semi-shouted, then upon realising what she had done, shrunk looking around her nervously. It was a good thing that her sensei's self-promotion speech was loud enough that no one really pay attention to her "Isn't that illegal?" she whispered.

"We got permission from the bigwig himself and Itachi volunteered. That experiment didn't yield anything, apart from satisfying Orochimaru-sama's sadistic side, but it also led his final hypothesis. In the case of the genjutsu, even though the test subject managed to manifest it, it only last as long as the genjutsu. That is the first key point. The second is the analysis we did after the attack on the police force that day where many Uchiha officers were killed but surprisingly not a single family member developed Magenkyo. Taking those two together, he come up with the hypothesis that it's the trauma that the person experienced that makes the difference."

"But we already have traumatised Uchihas running around, yet no Magenkyo."

"Because there's another human factor we missed. A wife may be grieved by her husband's death, but she would be distracted by the plight of her children that that even if she had the capability to awaken her Magenkyo, she wouldn't. The trauma must be great, yes, but at the same time must cause the person to make a resolve so great that it overwhelm everything else. That is why someone with not many attachments like Itachi has the biggest potential to develop it."

"So, what did you guys do to get him to awaken it?"

"We sealed his chakra, tied him up and hung him on a tree in a way that he had to remain standing on front part of his feet. Then we put a seal set to go off when he put his feet down."

"A seal?"

"The seal is connected to a series of exploding seals installed inside a warehouse which was in his full view all the time. When he was forced to finally put his feet down after ten days, the warehouse and everything else inside it exploded."

Anko looked at Kabuto incredulously. "That's all, Itachi detonated a measly warehouse and boom, Magenkyo? And how could he remain standing in such an excruciating position for ten days straight?"

"Ah, but you don't understand," Kabuto said while smiling malevolently. "The warehouse is special."

"Special?"

"The warehouse contains a six months' supply of Pocky for the village. With Itachi's own hands or rather his own feet, he had destroyed _his _Pocky."

"And he got Magenkyo handed to him just like that?"

"The eyes signify his resolve to protect what is dearest to him."

"He got Magenkyo and then become Konoha Taichou for the sake of… Pocky?" Anko asked, still trying to deny what she had heard.

"For the sake of the normal flavours as well as the seasonal and limited editions."

"But… Pocky?"

"A Wholesome Life in the Best of Taste."

* * *

1

* * *

**Author's note. **

1. I remembered reading some story where Hinata stammered and Naruto found her stammering so cute. I admit I haven't seen all Naruto anime episodes, but did she really stutter? Or did she starts 'Um... a-ano... Naruto-kun'? I personally remember the latter.

2. No one in Naruto-verse is omniscient, including Sage, or else there wouldn't be any conflict. So, despite being called 'Professor', Hiruzen is probably wasn't well-versed in physics. I do welcome any proof contrary to my statement though.

3. Smarter than the average bear quip comes from Yogi Bear show.

4. Para-para dance is a dance that originated in Japan, emphasizing arms movements rather than body and legwork (though the dance may incorporate the movements). Naruto's asking Hiruzen whether the later meant Para-Para Dance (even though Hiruzen was searching for 'parabolic equation') is actually a small joke by itself. As stated, Para-Para Dance emphasize arm movement. What did Naruto used to throw the kunai? Yes, his arm.

5. Orochimaru's speech was modified from Captain America : The First Avengers movie.

6. I do notice that in some fics, Sharingan users are stated to be immune from genjutsus. Didn't the fight between Sasuke and Itachi involved them entrapping each other in genjutsus?

7. Itachi is the_ Avenger _in this fic, not Sasuke.

8. Japanese companies used to have these sessions where the employees would sing the company song in the very same manner as one would sing a national anthem. It declined due to the change in the Japanese corporate world in 1990s but recently there have been resurgence in the practice.

9. I admit that I don't know why Akatsuki didn't attack earlier. Is there a real logical reason given in canon?

10. Just like the canon, the theory about Magenkyo in this story is **purposely riddled** with plot holes.

11. 'A Wholesome Life in the Best of Taste' is the corporate tagline of Glico, the maker of Pocky. No, this chapter is not an advert but I find it rather fitting to end it with the tagline.


	10. Future Plans

A jounin stood on top of a tree, accompanied by Uchiha Shishui as the two watched ten-year old Uchiha Sasuke slowly dragging himself out of a mud hole.

"You, know Itachi, your brother would be happy if you appear in front of him," Shishui commented. He then turned his head and muttered softly, "I would be very happy."

"The path of a shinobi is fraught with perils, Shishui."

Shishui sighed. "I don't see the connection between the two statements but I suppose that means a 'no'."

"How is my brother's progress?"

"For a ten-year old, he has the basic shurikenjutsu down pat, with skill above genin. He also display proficiency in fire-based jutsus while..."

"Shishui."

"What?" Shishui asked, annoyed at being interrupted in the middle of his explanation.

"I was referring to the 'other training'."

The said Uchiha rolled his eyes. "I apologise for not understanding the meaning of words from a genius like you, _Itachi-sama. _Normally when someone ask about his brother's progress, he would be referring to shinobi training or his school results, not how emo his brother has become."

"You are forgiven."

"Asshole." He gestured toward Sasuke. "As you know, I've been subjecting him through numerous insults and physical torture to increase his hate towards me and indirectly, increase his emo-ness. Also, to fit in with the emo image, I'm trying to get Sasuke to unconsciously alter his hair so that it is similar to a duck's butt. Henceforth, he shall be known as Duckbutt."

"A duck's butt?" Itachi asked, his eyes raising slightly.

"When viewed from side profile, Sasuke's hair style resembles the rear end of a duck, giving him a 17.81% increase in emo aura."

"How do you determine the percentage of the increase?"

"I don't. I just give an arbitrary number to make myself sound intelligent."

"...I see." Itachi watched his mud-covered brother stumbled on a stone and fell to the ground, letting a torrent of expletive. "So what kind of duck is it?"

"Eh?"

"You mentioned the hairstyle is similar to a duck's butt, so I'm wondering whether it's Indian Whistling Duck, Crested Shelduck, Mandarin Duck or Spot-billed Duck?"

"Er... doesn't it really matter as long as it's a duck's butt?"

"There are marked difference in their appearance so it should matter. Also, if the purpose of making his hairstyle similar to a posterior side of an avian is to increase his appeal to fangirls, then why settle on a lesser species?"

"Huh?"

"For example, rather than basing it off a duck, wouldn't it be better to have Sasuke's hair to to be similar to a swan's butt?"

"But..."

"Yes. Butt of a swan. 'Swanbutt'. Or since we want to make him more ridiculous in appearance, we can go straight to 'Hawkbutt' or 'Eaglebutt'?"

"But, we can't do that!" Shishui said, breaking into an outburst, surprising nearby birds which quickly took to the air. It was a fortunate thing that his Kage Bunshin was busy tormenting Sasuke that the boy couldn't look in his direction; otherwise Sasuke would have seen that Itachi was there.

"Why not?" Itachi asked, not at all affected by his friend's shout. "After all, a hairstyle similar to an eagle's butt is markedly uglier. So, rather than have 'Duckbutt Sasuke', we can increase his emo aura by having him adopt 'Eaglebutt Sasuke' or 'Hawkbutt Sasuke'."

Shishui took a deep breath to calm himself. "Look, eagle and hawk are cool birds of prey. Everyone wants to have one when they are small. Heck, it's like ponies, except that they have wings and can fly. Can you imagine what will happen if Sasuke is being called 'Hawkbutt?' His coolness factor will be increased, something that his detractors wouldn't accept."

"But the emo aura is dependent upon cool as well, so I don't see why we must cater to the detractors."

"Look, Itachi, you may not understand since you're being misunderstood as an emo, but in truth, being an emo requires a perfect balancing between coolness and negativity. Too much coolness and one become a dark hero while too much negativity and one would become an evil-doer rather than an emo. Another factor that will determine 'emo-ness' is the number of detractors one would have. After all, how else can you define Sasuke as an emo without the detractors call him an emo?"

Itachi considered his friend's statement. "So, without his detractors, Sasuke is just a moody child instead of an emo, is that what you meant?"

"Yes. Now, among Sasuke's detractors, there are two distinct camps: the intelligent, and the lazy or not bright enough. We don't have to be worried about the former because those that belong to that camp always come up with witty remarks or insults against Sasuke's emo-ness. However..."

"However?"

"The other camp, the too lazy or not so bright detractors... well, they have to call Sasuke names as well but as expected, they couldn't come up with anything good. So, they have to resort to outdated, pathetic and boring slurs against Sasuke. Example of those are: 'Duckbutt', 'Sasugay' or 'Sas-uke'. Whoever came up with those insults first certainly belonged to the first camp but then we have those from the second camp reuse the insults over and over that the insults ceased to become witty and instead become shitty. The sad part is, those detractors really think that they're so cool and clever to use such overused insults.

"I see. So 'Duckbutt' stays because they're useless enough to come up with something new?"

"Yes."

"Why don't we simply ignore those who are simply parroting 'Duckbutt', 'Sasugay' or 'Sas-uke'? Besides, the Sasugay insult is politically incorrect and xenophobic."

"Well, the insults are in poor taste but I'm optimistic that hope that someday a few of those would become good enough to be reclassified as the first group."

"Your method of thinking has merit. We need to have more intelligent and clever detractors so that we really can increase Sasuke's emo-ness factor so that more and more fangirls would flock to him."

"Once more, I would like to state that increasing one's emo-ness is not easy. I have done my best… and well, the result is as you can see."

"Apparently your best is not enough," Itachi said while turning a bit to reveal that the back of his uniform had multiple holes on it. "This happened despite me taking a more secluded path on the way to the headquarters today."

Shishui noticed that some of the holes seemed to be caused by mouth bites. "They bit your uniform?"

"One of them shouted, 'I want a piece of you'. Everybody interpreted that statement as signal to do it, both ways, including few fanboys."

"You have fanboys?"

"Every day I cursed the heavens for giving me this handsome and bishounen look even as they gifted you with a bland and uninteresting face."

"You know Itachi, right now I'm really entertaining the thought of killing you in the most painful way possible, and doing so not to get Magenkyo."

"If you only know what is required to truly awaken them," Itachi said as he closed his eyes in respect to those Pockies who perished due to his carelessness. Every day, before he prays to the spirits of his parents, he reiterated his vow to Pocky-mons, the powers that be that preside over Pockies that he would cherish their gift to the world. Never again shall he let down his Pockies.

"Well, sorry for backing out, but I like to keep my skin intact."

"It's in the past and not important. What is more important is the fact that plan of making Sasuke more attractive to fangirls and fanboys isn't progressing satisfactorily."

"Hey, give me a break! I dunk him into a pond almost daily, throw rotten eggs at him to teach him how to catch delicate things, waste tomatoes which is his favourite food, set up a practice session with Maito Gai where he have to come to the practice wearing the blue-coloured version of what the man wear... And current Sasuke is the best result I can get so far. The only way he can get more emo than this is if he suddenly comes across a black symbiotic alien that could shape shift itself to become his clothing while providing him with an unlimited source of weapon, and their being together made him an arrogant ass who is basically invincible unless subjected to sonic attacks," Shishui said sarcastically, recalling the movie he had seen a few months back. The first and second movies were quite good but then the the producer had to screw up with the third movie. Sigh. What a waste of his money and time.

"Maybe if we're lucky Sasuke will become a swagger who couldn't take more than ten steps without dancing all over the village."

Suddenly, without any warning, Itachi roughly grabbed the collar of his friend's jounin jacket and brought the later to his face, forcing the man to see his activated Magenkyo Sharingan.

"Tell me where can I find this 'symbiotic alien'"

-ToN-ToN-

-ToN-ToN-

"All right, class, don't forget to do your homework tonight," Iruka said to the students sitting in front of him.

"Yes, sir!" they all chorused.

"KIRITSU!" Ino, who had elected herself as the class representative, commanded the students to stand, which they followed. Actually, based on capability, one Nara Shikamaru would be more suitable for the position but he used his intelligence to manipulate everyone into accepting Ino as their representative.

The truth of the matter was that Naras weren't lazy. They were very motivated and continuously find ways to cut corners and shirk responsibilities so that they could be lazy, which were completely different from being lazy.

On a side note, that reasoning had been standardised and was used by all clan members since coming up with another excuse was an energy wasting exercise.

"REI!" came the next command to bow from Ino.

"ARIGATO GOZAIMASSU!" the students thanked Iruka.

A second later, any facade of professionalism were gone as most of the students ran out of the door, led by one Inuzuka Kiba with Akamaru perched up his head, giving the impression that it was the dog that was controlling him, like a scene from the classical Mazinger Z anime where the hero was seated on head of the robot he was controlling.

Then again, Akamaru was always the brain of the operation.

At the same time,

"SASUKE-KYUUN!"

With the academy session over for the day, Ino was over the resident top-ranking genin, rubbing her shoulder against his seated body like a cat meowing for attention.

"Step aside, Ino-pig!" Sakura said while grabbing Sasuke's arm. "Let's go home together, Sasuke-kun."

Sasuke snorted in annoyance.

"KYAAH! SO COOL!" the girls who were assembling around him screamed.

Among those who were assembled besides Ino and Sakura, Ami was standing so close to Sasuke that her drool dripped onto his head, wetting his hair. Meanwhile, her friend Fuki was leering lecherously at the said boy while Kasumi was busy sniffing his clothes.

Iruka sighed as he watched the daily spectacle involving one Uchiha scion and his intolerable fangirls. It wasn't surprising that when he drew the lot to be class' teacher and told the result to Sawada-san, she hugged and gave him a deep, wet kiss, complete with tongue before announcing to everyone else that she was going to camp at the nearest bar for a while. That was two weeks ago and she has yet to be seen.

From the gears that she had on her before leaving, she could _camp in the Forest of Death_ _for a month. _

What appalled Iruka was that when he first entered the class, Sakura and Ino were normal students, as in non-fangirl students. But then Sakura transformed into one the day after, followed by Ino two days after, causing him to wonder why the two had changed.

He would have banged his head against the desk if he was to find out that he was the cause for their degenerating into fangirls.

Even though girls mature faster than boys, at ten years old, Sakura was still too young to be having clear insight on what she wanted to be when she grew up. Predictably, she sought the advice of her father, Kizashi Haruno on what she should be.

At first, Kizashi thought that Sakura should make Senju Tsunade her role model, but then he remembered the said sannin's temper and her gambling bad habit; gambling was a bad habit if one was bad at it. So, Tsunade was out of consideration. But without Tsunade, there was hardly any notable kunoichi that Sakura could emulate in Konoha.

But then he remembered the famous Suna Fan Maidens, the Fūton-jutsu specialists of Sunagakure. Why not, he thought to himself, since the village was Konoha's ally. So, Kizashi told Sakura about the said maidens, regaling her with war stories of their exploits during the previous war and how their top notch teamwork was being envied by everyone else, including Konoha which also emphasized teamwork. Also, their tenacity in achieving their mission objectives was what gained respect from everyone and the legend about a squad of Suna Fan Maidens facing off a whole battalion of hostile ninjas without any fear of death earned respect from everyone, including the said enemy commander.

Kizashi's attempt to impress Sakura regarding them were successful to the extent that Sakura could imagine herself being someone like them. It was during Iruka's first class session that Sakura realised something.

She didn't know the meaning of the word 'maiden'.

Normally, she would refer a dictionary to find out the meaning of the word, but in the middle of class session, she couldn't sneak herself to go to the nearest library to have a look. But, she was curious. In the end, she settled for asking Iruka the meaning of the word. Being new to the class, Iruka settled for the most obvious answer, which was 'girl'.

Even as the girl thanked Iruka, he didn't know his words caused Sakura came to an unwanted but not totally wrong conclusion that in order to be strong, she had to be a fangirl. After all, if Suna Fan 'Girls' were respected because of their strength and bravery, why couldn't Konoha Fan Girls be the same?

It was Iruka's words that drove Sakura, and subsequently her best friend and rival Ino, to the dark path of fangirlism even though the blame wasn't totally his as Kizashi didn't explain to his daughter who Suna Fan Maidens truly were and instead only extolled their achievements. If he had taken time to explain, Sakura would be able to understand that Suna Fan Maidens were nothing like Konoha Fan Girls.

Both parties weren't aware of their blame, but only one was lamenting about Sakura's fangirlism while the other was ignorant of it.

"Iruka-sensei!"

The scarred chunin tore his attention from the horde which was busy 'Kyah! Sasuke-kun is so cool!'ing to address the caller. It was the mild-mannered jinchuuriki who had penchant for exploding inventions. "What is it, Naruto?"

"Iruka-sensei, may I ask another question?"

He blinked. "You may but I missed the first one. Sorry about that, so if you can ask me the first question again?"

"Sure. Iruka-sensei, may I ask another question?"

Iruka blinked again. "Sorry? What was the first one again?"

"Iruka-sensei, may I ask another question: that is my first question."

Okay, that's the first time he got tricked verbally but he wasn't about to admit that. "All right. The second one?"

"I've been observing the village's economy for quite some time and found myself a bit baffled."

"Uh oh." Whenever a ten year old boy uses a sophisticated sentence, it would mean that big trouble was going to take place. However it was too late to take cover under the desk and he had to man up. Iruka steeled himself for the inevitable. "So what is it that have you baffled?"

"What exactly being a ninja entails?"

Answer the question Iruka did, telling the student in front of him that a ninja was a covert agent or mercenary under the service of the country's daimyo who specialized in unorthodox warfare. The functions of the ninja included espionage, sabotage, infiltration, and assassination, and open combat in certain situations. Their covert methods of waging war contrasted the ninja with the samurai, who observed strict rules about honour and combat. To further complete his explanation, he mentioned the various hidden villages around the world, or at least the known ones. Throughout his explanation, Naruto kept nodding his head, making Iruka feel good about his explanation. "So, that's what a shinobi or a kunoichi is all about," he finished.

"Hmm..." Naruto said while rubbing his chin thoughtfully, "the explanation is nice... but not totally what I want to know."

Okay, so his explanation was of the mark... But that was nothing he couldn't handle. Iruka would have to keep explaining until he got it right. "So what else you want to know?"

"What is the difference between a shinobi and a samurai?"

Iruka was about to give the normal answer regarding the covert way a ninja would go about to achieve his mission compared to the samurai's adherence to bushido where the latter would fight with honour; in other words a ninja cheats to get his work done.

However, before he could begin another round of lengthy explanation, Naruto continued on, "I've thought that a ninja is a military professional who do things secretly but I saw numerous genins all over the village doing shopping, painting the fences, walk dogs, getting scratched by a cat... all of those works aren't done in secrets… well, except those secret attempts to assassinate the said cat."

"Oh, that is part of the training as well as to build up teamwork."

"Okay... So that means the samurais paint fences as well?"

"No. The real difference between a ninja and a samurai are... er... Um... Yeah! A ninja fight with chakra by performing jutsus whereas a samurai uses a sword for combat."

"Um... isn't there a shop selling swords in the village?"

Iruka instantly knew that he had dug himself into a deeper hole judging by Naruto's expression. To continued more would be more dangerous.

"Tell you what, Naruto. Why don't I give you a proper explanation tomorrow? That way, I can prepare for the best answer possible as well as answer any question you may have."

"Okay," Naruto said before he ran out of the class, leaving Iruka all alone.

Earlier, Iruka was motivated to check the homework the students had passed up. At that moment, he was wondering whether he could play sick the next day; or do anything to get out of having to answer Naruto's questions as he had realized that even he didn't know what entailed being a shinobi.

-ToN-ToN-

-ToN-ToN-

Naruto had just finished his lunch and was about to leave for his training when an ANBU wearing a phoenix mask appeared in front of him.

"Uzumaki Naruto, your presence is required by Hokage-sama."

Naruto cocked his head to the side. "Wow, this is the first time I see a phoenix mask. It look so cool."

'Phoenix' didn't say anything and instead put his hands on his hips, giving off the impression that he was preening after being complimented.

"Say... Before I go, I have a question, 'Phoenix'"

"What is it?"

"Haven't you noticed that whenever Hokage-sama wants someone called, he always send out ANBU to do the job?"

"Yes. Because we're the best in our job," 'Phoenix' said while crossing his arms.

"Well, if it's very urgent or a life-or-death situation then, it is understandable. But other times, such as right now, he could have send a genin team to fetch me. After all, I do take my time to eat slowly."

'Phoenix' was about replied to the question, but it seemed that Naruto didn't need the answer, judging from the trail of dust he left.

"Jiji." Naruto greeted the veteran shinobi, as he entered the Hokage's office a few minutes later

"Good to see you, Naruto."

"Is it time for you to treat me to ramen?"

"Hm... Even though you had just eaten your lunch... why not, but it'll have to wait after this. Do you know why you are here, Naruto?" Hiruzen asked.

"I'm not in trouble, am I?"

The village leader chuckled. "No. I have heard that you want to know all about being a shinobi."

"Yeah, but Iruka-sensei will answer my question after school tomorrow."

"Yes, I know that. But I personally would like to answer your question." Of course Hiruzen himself would like to answer the question after a chunin teacher, who was a young adult, was left nearly crying by his inability to answer Naruto's question. That was where he came in. While Hiruzen was experienced in dealing with the matters of the world, more importantly he was more experienced in _dealing with Naruto_.

"Oh, Jiji, before I forget, Alphonse asked me to send you his regards. He also asked if you would like to join his tea."

"Join him for tea, you mean,"

"Eh? I think he's more interested in having you for tea."

Right...How could Hiruzen have forgotten about the man eating bear from The Forest of Death? "Tell him I have to turn him down. Also do tell him that an old man like me doesn't usually mellow down and instead can be quite tough to deal with."

"Okay."

"So back to the question. Is it okay for me to answer it?"

"Okay, I guess. So what is the answer?"

"The thing is, there's nothing really unique to being a shinobi. While it has been said that being covert is part of being shinobis, it isn't exclusive to them. Brigands, smugglers, thieves are also ply their trades in secret."

"But the explanation given by Iruka-sensei..."

"While not wrong, it's more suited for other kids." The statement 'You, however aren't a normal kid' went unsaid. "In all actuality, a shinobi village is just a military force under the service of country's daimyo, just like the samurais making up the other army under him. The real difference, if I am to say it, is that we also offer service to other parties as long as it wouldn't contravene our loyalty to daimyo. On the other hand, samurais will only mobilise under daimyo order."

"Oh that makes sense! We're like PMCs!"

"I already learned my lesson to simply ignore you whenever you start spouting off weird words or phrases, Naruto. Now, knowing you, there is a very good reason for you to be asking such a question, so I'm interested to know the reason."

Naruto told him.

After the boy had to finished, Hiruzen fiddled for his pipe but stopped as he suddenly saw a phantom of Kushina standing behind her son, as if daring him to give Naruto second hand smoke. Hiruzen could still remember the day when he was enjoying his pipe while talking discussing certain issues with his successor when the pregnant redhead came in to visit her husband, saw what Hiruzen was doing and proceeded to beat him up for trying to kill her unborn baby. She was the one who barged in, so why was he blamed? What's more, throughout the beating he got, not just once did Minato raised his hand to help; the coward.

He might as well skip his wanting to smoke until later just to be on the safe side as there was no way ensuring that Kushina's ghost of vengeance would return from the grave to punish him..

Now, regarding the boy's idea. "I've to admit that it is rather unique, Naruto and if you would like to try it, I can start the proper paperwork and legislation necessary for it."

"Then..." Naruto said as his face brightened.

"But... I don't know how to say this without sounding as if I'm trying to force you, but that idea of yours have to be established as part of the Konoha shinobi force."

Hiruzen saw that Naruto was about to protest and raised his hand to forestall it.

"Let me explain first my reasoning and after that you can present your counter arguments, if you want to. If they're sufficient to address the issues that I'm going to tell you, we will try your idea. Is it fair for you?"

Naruto nodded.

Hiruzen raised a finger. "First, it is a matter of talent pool. From what you mentioned just now, it's possible to train a civilian to have knowledge in that matter. But correct me if I'm wrong but wouldn't it be better to have a shinobi who have similar knowledge and at the same time possess the complementing jutsus that can help? Doton no jutsu for example. Furthermore, a shinobi member can be depended upon to defend himself from occasional bandits and even hostile nins while working outside of the village. Am I right?

"Yes."

"But unless it's part of the shinobi force, it would be very difficult to attract talented people to join because joining means they will become civilians. No clan would let their members join and risk damaging the clan's reputation. It is unfair, I know, but that's politics. So the best result we can hope for is for to get those who fail their genin exam, which would be slightly better than civilians. Are you with me so far?"

"Yes."

"Now, certainly academy rejects are not good for your idea. In fact, it's better to train civilians than to use them. The reason why we fail them is not because they are stupid, but because they're stupid enough not to realize that they're stupid."

"Attitude problem?"

"Yes. Now, what I am about to tell you is a secret that you must keep. Understand?"

"I promise."

"While publicly we say that a ninja must be very skilled, the truth of the matter is that we need a ninja that is able to work together more than we need a talented ninja. So a genius with behavioural problem is not good or dare I say, can be a danger to any team that he was placed in. So, after graduation, which is set to the lowest acceptable skill for a ninja to have, the students would be placed into teams where there would be evaluated according to their ability to work together. Those who can't work together would be failed, though the Jounin involved in the trial may come up with another reason to justify their failure. We rather have subpar shinobis with good attitude with geniuses with behavioural problem."

"For example, there's a student one year your senior who couldn't use chakra. Technically, he can't become a shinobi since the textbook definition of a shinobi is someone who could use chakra to perform jutsus. Despite his shortcomings, his own work ethics promise that one day he will become a splendid shinobi and if would be a pleasure for me to authorise his registration as a genin. These kind of people is what we need for your idea to work. Also, by making it part of military, we can simply assign the best person for the job to join it rather than have it on voluntary basis only.

Naruto nodded slowly. "But wouldn't they be against it?"

"Not when they're ordered to. Then again, I did say joining it can be voluntary." Hiruzen replied. "Besides, I know that one of the reasons you want to make it staffed by civilians is so that they don't have to fight but I assure you that if you look around, you will see that few of your friends in the academy share the same sentiment. However, coming from ninja families basically guarantee them becoming shinobis and kunoichis as well. "

"Okay... I've never thought about that."

"Now, the second reason is authority. Being part of Konoha, it's inevitable that you will deal with shinobis and kunoichis on frequent basis. In fact, in certain situations, you may need to command them. However..."

"They may have problem accepting orders from a non-shinobi. I understand."

But if it's part of shinobi chain of command itself, it would be easy to establish order of deference whenever it involves your specialty. Just like a medic-nin. While many medic-nin are chunins, when it comes to decision regarding medical treatment, they can overrule jounins. In fact, it is a breach of regulation not to follow a medic-nin's order when it comes to treatment."

"Whoa..."

"As for the third reason, it is efficiency. By being part of shinobi force, it is easier to acquire resources. For example, by making Konoha Research Bureau as part of shinobi force, Orochimaru-san can easily get some of the resources he need for his," Hiruzen involuntarily shuddered, "crazy experiments though I suspect the real reason why he did that is to reduce paperwork he has to do. After all, I am the one who have to assign clerical and accounting staff to manage the bureau. So these are the three main issues that you have to think of. Though I certainly can come up with a few more, such as publicity and mission assignments, those are the most important one you have to think off if you still want don't want to involve the shinobi force with your idea."

Hiruzen waited patiently as Naruto pondered the arguments given to him, knowing very well that the advantage was his as long as he showed his hand a bit to Naruto. He knew that the boy wasn't unreasonable and as long as he pondered to present his facts logically, Naruto would be easy to persuade. Even in the unlikely event that Naruto disagreed, he wouldn't do anything to sabotage the boy's own plan because sometimes the best action to take is not to take any action at all. But that didn't mean he couldn't play his trump card at the correct time. "Oh, by the way, if it's part of Konoha shinobi force, do know that you may be ordered to mobilise in emergencies."

Naruto raised his eyebrows at his unexpected statement. Good, that was exactly what he was aiming for.

"One of the objectives is to deal with such contingencies, isn't it?" Hiruzen continued, "But of course, all necessary support will be provided to ensure success."

The boy gave him a look that told him that his subtle attempt wasn't really subtle at all but Hiruzen wasn't worried.

Finally the boy sighed. "All right, Jiji, I think you have made a compelling case. How long will it take to do it?"

Hiruzen smiled. One of a grandfather figure instead of a political shark. "Two years."

"That long?"

"Paperwork aside, choosing correct personnel is important, like I said earlier. It's not like I can simply assign any one of my jounins to the project without proper evaluation. In fact, maybe I can send the prospective candidates to meet you just so that they knew what they're getting themselves into and for you to see whether the ones I send are suitable. Also, I assume you want to be one of the founding members, since that way you can have a hand in ensuring its success."

Naruto smiled radiantly. "Thanks, Jiji."

"Oh, and another thing... You coming to me with the idea mean you have a general idea about other members. Maybe you can tell me so that I can see what I can do to help persuade their parents."

"You really want this idea to be a success don't you?"

"I have vested interest in it, both as your Jiji and Hokage."

"Can I ask a personal question?"

"What is it?"

"Please don't get me wrong but wouldn't it better for you if this idea of mine is not successful and I end up becoming a normal shinobi?"

The boy certainly inherited Minato's analytical thinking and Kushina's bluntness. Hiruzen let himself a small chuckle before it went out of control and he ended roaring with laughter.

"You have to forgive me," he said to the annoyed child who probably thought that he was laughing at him, "I'm not laughing at you but rather your question as at the situation."

"Really?" the boy asked, unconvinced.

"The thing is Naruto, there isn't any real urgency for you to be a shinobi. If that is the case, it is a simple matter for me to register you as one. The same thing applies to other children. However, for the village to prosper, the future generations must be strong. My nudging you to be a shinobi arises from that specific need. But your question made realise that as long as you become strong, there's no need for you to be a shinobi."

He wasn't lying to the boy, at least on that part. After all, he himself had realised about that fact seconds before.

Hiruzen also had another epiphany. While Danzo viewed a jinchuuriki as a weapon that is to be pointed to Konoha's enemies, the real truth was doing so would cut its effectiveness by half as the best way to utilise such a gifted to use him or her as deterrent who will dissuade enemies from attacking by physiological mean rather than brute force. Naruto can only be a better deterrent, hence the village protector, by the virtue of being anonymous and hence his real skill set relatively unknown.

"So that means... "

"But," Hiruzen-sama eyes were twinkling, "for you to test your idea, you have to be a genin."

The village protector still have to be trained.

-ToN-ToN-

-ToN-ToN-

Naruto walked toward the training area, thinking about what he would learn that day. Since that talk with Jiji three months ago, he had a semblance of a goal to strive for. Inventing things still remain as his hobby and he was still aiming to build that flying machine 'Tornado' that he saw in his dream but those are short term projects, not an ongoing one.

He was so deep in thought that he arrived to the training ground and was surprised by people and not-so-people gathered there.

"Wha..."

Tomoe-neechan motioned the bewildered child to come nearer which he did.

"Surprise! Happy birthday!" the crowd chorused, though there were some growls and other animal sounds as well.

Naruto wiped his eyes using his sleeve. "Thank you. I'm not complaining, but shouldn't a surprise party be held at home, after I return from training?"

Tomoe-neechan thumbed the animals that were also gathered at the place. "They don't mind coming to your place, but we certainly mind as we don't need massive panic among the populace." She then thumbed a group of ANBUs were already drinking and eating despite wearing their masks. "They also don't mind as well, but I don't think you appreciate them monkeying..."

"KIII!" shrill protests came from nearby monkeys.

Tomoe glanced at the animals. "It's just an expression."

"KI! KI! KI!"

"Right. Sorry. It's pretty rude of me. I shouldn't have liken their misbehaviours to your species, especially since all of you are behaving civilly." She bowed a bit,  
"I apologize."

Most of the monkeys nodded their heads while a few crossed their arms

Satisfied that the animals were mollified by her explanation, Tomoe continued, "Since the ANBUs tend to make a mess wherever they go to party around, as you certainly can remember the bash at the one to celebrate you going to the academy, it's better to have it here."

"Oh. I thought that you're holding it here so that I wouldn't be in the village."

"Why shouldn't you be in the village?" Jiji asked.

"Isn't there supposed to be a celebration of Yondaime defeating the Kyuubi today where a lot of liquors being distributed around to ensure that there's a lot of drunks staggering around that would then form a mob to chase down and beat a four-year old child?"

"Hm... " Jiji said, thinking. "Naruto, how's your history?"

"Quite good."

"Do we celebrate the day the First Shinobi World War ended?"

"No."

"How about second or the third?"

Naruto shook his head.

"Okay, what days do we celebrate?"

"Um... There's the New Year's Day, Daimyo's Birthday, Village Foundation Day, Greenery Day, Sakura-watching day... Valentine, White Day..."

"Do you see a trend there?"

"Uh… No?"

Tomoe-neechan approached and ruffled his hair. "Silly boy. We never celebrate something to do with a disaster. We have specific prayer days so that the power that be would protect us from disasters, but not in the way you described. Imagine we celebrating Kyubi Razed Konoha Day, Unknown Attacker Assaulted Konoha Police Force Day, Flash Flood Due To Non-stop Rain Day, The Day Shodaime Died, The Day Nidaime Sacrificed Himself To Let His Team Escape... it's not good to celebrate something negative, isn't it?"

"But Yondaime defeating Kyubi is a good thing, isn't it?"

"Yes. It is a good thing, but there's a lot of bad things that also took place before he managed to do that," Jiji answered. "A leader would always want the people to look forward and focus on positive things rather than let them live in the shadow of the past."

"You sound so cool, Jiji!"

"Thanks. Now you want to become Hokage when you grow up?"

"No."

"Che."

"Like what Hokage-sama said," Tomoe-neechan remarked, "all celebration is supposed to be a merry and happy occasion. We want people to be happy, not depressed. And by merry I mean we will not have any celebration that involve easily available liquors to ensure that there's a lot of drunks staggering around that would then form a mob to chase down a four-year old child."

"Yes, and it's not like we want to have any kind celebration that will dramatically increase the chance of a super weapon going off in the middle of the village,"

"What super weapon are you talking about, Jiji?"

"Hey! Is that 'Cockroach' eating ramen clearly labelled for 'Naruto'?"

"Hey!" the boy said as he ran toward the said ANBU who was doing exactly what was being described by his Jiji.

-ToN-ToN-

-ToN-ToN-

Kabuto watched the young boy being fussed over by his nee-chan, Hokage and few ANBUs with a little bit of jealousy. He knew that he was being petty but at the very least the jinchuuriki could be with someone that could be considered as family whereas Kabuto could only watch his from far away.

Like Naruto who didn't know who his parents were due to the secrecy involved in his birth, Kabuto also didn't know his, having lost memory when he was small due to a head injury. Perhaps it wouldn't be wrong to say that he had lost his life before the injury and it only began when Yakushi Nonō found him. She healed him and brought him back to an orphanage she runs, where he got the name Kabuto due to the helmet he was wearing. From there on, he lived at the orphanage, with Nonō becoming somewhat like foster mother to him and the rest of the children.

The life at the orphanage wasn't smooth, with everyone there had to pitch in to help maintain the place and makes end met. Due to his natural talent, Nonō taught him medical jutsus and he became quite proficient at it until he attracted the attention of both Danzo Shimura who wanted him to infiltrate Iwagakure and gather information on the village and Orochimaru who wanted an apprentice for off-record researches that the sannin wanted to conduct.

At first, he wanted to join Danzo due to the man having some sort of control on his foster mother but then the snake sannin who seemed to sense his intent intercepted the boy who was on his way to meet the elder. Kabuto wasn't exactly sure how Orochimaru managed to convince him to join the man but join the man he did.

Later on, he found out that Nonō and the rest of the orphanage had been brainwashed to think that he was another person and was living peacefully outside the village. He didn't know the reason why they were brainwashed to think that way and until that day Orochimaru refused to tell him neither why Danzo did it nor how to solve it. Instead, the man told Kabuto that he was actually a hostage but not the kind that was being abducted to compel another party to act or refrain from acting. Instead, as long as Kabuto remained in Orochimaru's influence, Danzo would be less likely to have anything to do with Nonō and the orphanage.

However, the status quo would remain as long as Kabuto forsake his relationship with them.

The decision was obvious and easy to make.

Still, to see Uzumaki Naruto, who was supposed to be pariah of the village enjoying himself was a bit painful to watch as it brought up memories of the days spent in the orphanage. They were poor, but they were happy. Right now, the only people Kabuto had with him was his master, and his loud-mouthed other apprentice.

"I've never thought that someone as handsome as you is harbouring paedophilic desire on the young Naruto," Anko's voice grated on his ears.

"I assure you, I'm a pretty well-adjusted person," he replied as he adjusted his spectacles.

"Yeah, right. Well-adjusted - that coming from Orochimaru's apprentice." Anko may idolised her master, but even she accepted that he, and by extension both Kabuto and her, were anything but well-adjusted.

"Touché. So? Are you enjoying the party so far?"

"Yeah, It's pretty nice of sensei to come to the brat's party."

Kabuto would have laughed out loud if not for the fact that it would make him out of character. Nice? No. Frugal? Yes, as evidenced from the scrolls his master with him to seal the leftover foods from the party. Kabuto had to time it correctly so that when it came to that moment, he would be far away and it would be Anko who would be assigned to do the dirty work. "Yes, nice of him."

"After all, the books on seals as well the calligraphy set that I had to get for the brat's birthday present are quite expensive."

He slowly turned toward Anko. "Seals?"

"Yup. And they're quite top of the lines."

Top of the line seal equipment for the boy? Expensive? What the hell was his master planning to do regarding the boy?

-ToN-ToN-

-ToN-ToN-

Aburame Shibi was a man of few words, having learned earlier in his life that words may contain unnecessary or even misleading information. Like the rest of Aburame clan, the clan leader preferred to display the result of his cognitive process through actions or in some cases, inactions. It was what made Aburame clans one of the better ninjas as it was quite difficult to discerning how they think, thus making it harder to provoke them.

It was with such way of thinking that Shibi silently watched as Hokage made his way to the main hall of his house. A visit from one below his station would be seen as asking for a boon from him while a visit from a peer could have numerous meanings, from a goodwill visit even to one laced with hostilities. However, Hokage would never visit his house or even another clan's house. A Hiruzen Sarutobi might, as the older man had visit his father a few times in the past as the two were good friends and would share a drink or two. A Hokage named Hiruzen Sarutobi, who was fully dressed in his uniform? Never.

"Hokage-sama" Shibi greeted when the man was close enough, bowing at a thirty degrees angle and held that position.

"Shibi," came the leader's acknowledgement.

The said man straightened.

After the necessary protocols had been dispensed with, Shibi served his esteemed guest, all the while trying to glean small information that would tell him how to proceed with the current situation. While his clan was one of the most pragmatic clans in the village, refraining from unnecessary traditions and cultural convention, that didn't mean it understand their importance. For example, the fact that Hiruzen-sama came to his clan compound rather than sent an ANBU to fetch him highlighted that whatever the village leader was planning to do would have a profound impact on his clan and Hiruzen came in to tell it personally, in the clan's compound no less, to reduce the loss of face and dignity the clan would probably experience.

However, the man was willing to bide his time as it was disadvantageous and at the same time downright rude to ask Hokage about the reason for his visit.

After a long preamble about the clan compound, the numerous insect species that could be found in the area surrounding the village, Hiruzen finally brought up the subject of his visit. "Tell me, Shibi. When your son graduates two years from now, what kind of team do you think he would be assigned to?"

"It wouldn't matter, as long as he serves the village well. Why? Because he will be a shinobi of Konoha."

"Hooh..." Hiruzen said, amused by the textbook answer he got. He tilted his head a bit, wordlessly challenging Shibi to explain his statement.

Shibi was about to do so but stopped. If Hiruzen-sama wanted a normal answer, he wouldn't have wasted his time to come, as such a devotion would be expected from all ninjas at all time. There must be something else at stake. The Aburame clan leader took a moment to recall the information he gleaned from a dossier prepared regarding his son's though he pay lip service that a shinobi must be able to work together with anyone, it would help to be working with those having compatible capabilities. For example, while he bore no ill will to Uchiha Clan, the other clan's family members had natural fire affinity made them natural hazards to the insects Aburame Clan utilised. So, Uchiha Sasuke probably wasn't a good team member for Shino.

His son could be assigned to work with maybe Akamichi, Nara or even Yamanaka similar to his son's age but he could see the tendency for the three clans to petition the Hokage to form another generation of Shika-Ino-Cho combo. Leaving those out of equation, then the team that would work best for Shino would.

"I can simply deny the request, you know," Hiruzen said suddenly, interrupting Shibi's thought process.

"Hokage-sama?"

"The formation of three family's combo team," Hiruzen clarified. "After all, I can simply quote the same phrase you used just now to explain my reasoning."

It neither wrong to say that Shibi was terrified of Hiruzen-sama nor he was a coward for willing to accept that fact. The ease of that man to divine what he was thinking about showed how much the God of Shinobi was to be feared and respected by allies and enemies alike.

"Yes, yet without any good reason, you wouldn't do that," Shibi prodded.

"Yes." A short word but the meaning was massive. Hiruzen wasn't lying when he stated that he was willing to deny the formation of next generation's Shika-Ino-Cho team but at the same time he didn't make it clear that he was going to do that; all he did was highlight his authority and power, not what move he would make.

Shibi bowed a bit. "Please enlighten me."

"You're still trying to hide from me your ideas about your son's team formation even though it's up to me to decide? You Aburames are too secretive for your own good," Hiruzen joked.

"I've never thought of doing such a thing. Why? Because I consider it is a rude thing to do."

Hiruzen sighed. "And you messed up my joke."

"I'm very sorry for that slight on your honourable person."

The other man waved it off. "So, your opinion about your son's team; let's hear about it."

"Depending on my son's skill set, I would believe that he's either suited for a reconnaissance-oriented team or a team that is geared to apprehending hostile target."

"Hm... I would like to know why those two, and not other types of mission?"

Even though he felt that the man in front him _knew _exactly why he came to such a conclusion, Shibi explained about his clan use of kikaichu allowed them to send those kikaichus to gather information or in case of pursuit, drain energy from the target they were pursuing. Even though the kikaichus were versatile, that didn't mean they were suitable to be used against enemies directly as there were a lot of ways to deal with the kikaichus or render them ineffective. Hence, reconnaissance or search and capture team. After Shibi had finished his explanation, he asked, "Forgive me for my impudence, but may I know the reason for your question?"

"To be honest, there had been calls to make the teams less specialised and more all rounded. For example, an assault team without enough reconnaissance skill would be quite useless when needed to pursue a hostile target; conversely a team based on reconnaissance would be more vulnerable to enemy attack than the assault team."

Shibi could see the reasons well enough for the suggestions to be taken seriously. However, that was _normal. _It didn't have anything to do his son.

"That being said, I'm sure you're aware that the candidate Uzumaki Naruto would graduate at the same time as your son."

Graduate at the same time. The whole situation suddenly made sense to him.

"My son will join his team."

The statement was short and was delivered in a monotone voice, but to someone who knew Shibi would have stated the man was shouting an accusation to Hokage in the manner only an Aburame knew how.

Shibi didn't have any vendetta against Naruto, well, except for the part where the young boy wanted to have a piece of him thinking that he's fried tofu. Or the other part where the boy made him admit that Aburame police officers put bugs on people to spy on them. Or that part where the boy painted sugared water on the clan fence, causing ants to converge at the place. Or that part where the boy replaced all of his clan's sunglasses with ones that have swirl patterns or girly eyes. Shibi also didn't hate the boy for installing bright lamps at strategic places at night, freaking out the Aburame sentries when their insect colonies left them to fly toward the bright light...

Shibi halted. He didn't have any conclusive proof regarding the last three incidents so despite the nagging feeling in his guts, or was it buzzing feeling?, it wasn't logical to conclude that the boy was behind the mischievous attacks that caused his clan to experience embarrassment .

His personal apprehension about the boy's trickster personality aside, Aburame felt that his son was ill-suited for any kind of team involving him. After all, what kind of team would be form with that boy as a member? Assault? Seige? Artillery? All of those team types wouldn't fit in with son's abilities. While Shino could certainly hold up his own in combat, how could he compare with the son of Akai Chishio no Habanero, the Red Heo Hanabero who herself was a wide-spread destruction specialist?

Ah, Shibi suddenly recalled that Uzumaki Naruto was the jinchuuriki of Kyubi. That's not really a concern since being a host to Kyubi was somewhat similar to being a host to kikaichu. So, what to do regarding the problem of the child being the son of Uzumaki Kushina…

"No." Hiruzen's words brought Shibi out of his musing once more. "Your son isn't one of those being considered."

Even though his son was being left out of the selection for Uzumaki's team, Shibi didn't feel relieved at that revelation. If the matter was that simple, it was more efficient for Hokage-sama _not to come in person to tell him about it_. In fact, there was no need to reveal that information at all.

Wait. If he was to put himself into Hokage-sama's position, what could be accomplished by telling someone that his son was not being considered for a formation of a team? The situation was akin to telling an academy student that he wouldn't pass unless he study for the three...

It hit him. "You want Shino to join the team?"

"You're looking at it from a wrong perspective. Whether your son joins or not, it's inconsequential as the team will be formed regardless. I'm here to tell you that I have four potential candidates that are being considered to fill the other two positions, and your son is not in that list. Rather than thinking about whether your son has to join or will be compelled to join the team, the question you have to answer is: what will you do with the privileged information that I had just told you?"

With that, the discussion on the matter ended and the flow of conversation shifted to a casual tone, as Hokage asked trivial questions and Shibi answered. Even after the venerable leader left the place, Shibi found himself replaying what Hiruzen said in his head over and over again. He came to the conclusion that Hiruzen wanted Shibi to find out by his own regarding the team being planned before taking any action. From the way it was presented, it would advantageous for Shino to join the team. However, there was no way to determine what the Hokage was planning; asking the man was rather useless as it was clear that no further information was forthcoming from him. Besides, there will be accusations of favouritism if the Hokage told a particular clan about future team planning.

The question remained would be how to collect the necessary information?

In the end Shibi came to the conclusion that the other avenue that he could investigate was Uzumaki Naruto. Shino must be told to make his acquaintance and if possible become close to that boy.

* * *

1

* * *

**Author's note**

1. Mazinger Z is a Japanese super robot manga created by Go Nagai from 1972 0 1974. The interesting part about the story is that the hero control a red hovercraft that will land on an open part of a giant robot's head, forming its 'brain'. At all time, the hero's hovercraft is visible on the robot's head so theoretically bad guys can target the head and hope to kill the hero, which they don't do it.

2. The part where Akamaru 'seemed' to control Kiba is inspired by Mazinger Z, as mentioned in the chapter above as well the classic 'The Numskulls', a story about tiny people who live inside a person who control the person's daily live. The comic is featured in The Beano, a comic published in U.K. which has been around forever (to me, that is). Of course, for those unfamiliar with The Numskulls, the idea of someone small controlling someone bigger has been used in 'Ratatouille' and 'Meet Dave.'

3. This chapter is rather serious, compared to the previous chapters. I was thinking of skipping straight to the graduation day but if I do that, then I still have to explain what happened in the time skip. Since I personally believe that flashbacks have to be used sparingly and I already used them in the previous chapters, I decided to write this chapter instead.

4. Have you ever noticed that it's always an ANBU being used to fetch someone (even in this story)? I don't read Naruto fanfics that much to be an authority in the stories, but I have yet to see a story including this one where Hokage assign a D-Rank mission for a genin team to fetch someone, even if it's not urgent.


	11. Steal the scroll as an extra test

Alone in the classroom as the school session had ended and the students as well as Mizuki had already left, Iruka looked at the records in front of him and let out a long breath. Finally, his three years tenure as the teacher for the current group of students was coming to an end. He may be too young to be thinking about it but he couldn't help but feel a bit melancholic at those little monste, …er, genins to be that were about to graduate from his class. Naruto, with his propensity to cause explosions with lots and lots of black smokes, the platinum blonde president of the 'Sasuke-kyun is so cool club' and her pink haired deputy president as well as the rest of the club members, their target of affection Sasuke who kept talking about ponds infested with crocodiles, the narcissistic heir of the Inuzuka clan, the heiress who alternates between making echoes and non-stop speeches and the student who wore a long grey coat and sunglasses even in the class…

Who the heck was he trying to fool? Iruka was already planning to camp in the nearest bar for at least two weeks the after they graduated.

There was a knock on the door.

"Come in,"

The door opened.

"SEISHUN DELIVERY!" came the loud announcement as a genin team entered the classroom.

Iruka cursed himself for his rotten luck. It was the two green abominations and the other two.

"What the hell with 'the other two!" one of the other two members, a girl who wore her hair in Chinese-style buns on either side of her head complained. She then looked around, "Eh? Why am I making a retort even though there's no one making a joke?"

Unknown to her, Iruka let out a breath of relief. The girl's extra sensory was quite good even though Maito Gai and his disciple Rock Lee, the two green beasts were screaming about how going about how Konoha Academy was the ultimate temple of youthfulness. "Yes, may I help you?"

"Hokage-sama wants to meet you," the girl told him. She then turned toward the rest of her team and moved to push Gai and Lee out of the room, while the other one walked out on his own.

"Strange," Iruka uttered when he was truly alone.

Later, in the tower,

"Good that you finally arrived here, Iruka," the Hokage deadpanned. "When I made that remark last year about Kakashi being an exemplary shinobi, I meant the skill or the knowledge or the strength that he possess, not the late-to-every meeting or giggling-while-reading-porn parts. I expected you two hours ago."

"Well, I'm very sorry, Hokage-sama but I was confused."

"Confused?"

"Well, this is the first time I see a genin team being given the task of delivering a summon from you so I'm not sure about when should I come here."

"Wouldn't the fact that I summon you mean that I would like to see you as soon as possible?"

"But Hokage-sama, it is already known knowledge that if you want people to come immediately, you would normally use ANBUs."

The village leader considered his answer and then turned toward a woman who was standing nearby. "Really? Is that how everyone perceive ANBUs?"

"Yes," the woman answered. "There's nothing more badass than the Hokage having postmen and postwomen wearing white masks appearing to deliver things and messages. At the other end, the receivers feel more important and appreciated since ANBUs were delivering things to them. The ANBUs themselves? Well… not very good for their self-image."

Hokage coughed. "I will take note of that." He then gestured toward the woman. "Kariya Tomoe, Naruto's guardian. The reason I ask you here is because Kariya-san would like to voice her concern regarding the genin examination that you're going to administer tomorrow."

Iruka turned toward the Jounin. "What is your concern, ma'am?"

"You have a student named Uzumaki Naruto in your class, right?"

"Yes..." Iruka trailed, wondering the significance of the question. "Why? Does it matter?"

"It is better that you cancel the examination."

The scarred Chunnin narrowed his eyes. "Cancel the examination? Why must I cancel it?"

"Naruto... he's a very special..." the woman named Kariya began.

"Yes. And I know that," Iruka cut her off.

"Then you must know what it is important for the examination not to continue."

"Are you implying that I'm going to be biased to Naruto?"

Kariya was surprised to hear the question. "No, but..."

"Or do you want me to give a special preferential treatment to Naruto instead?"

"No. What I'm trying to say is..."

Iruka bowed at her a bit. "Kariya-san, in the shinobi force you outrank me. However, in the matter of administering my class, the only person I have answer to is Hokage-sama and the academy principal. The school principal had already given me the full authority to manage the class, as I see fit."

It was the truth, since the school principal had realised that it would far easier to blame a single teacher if full authority was given to him.

"So, right now, only Hokage can order me to cancel the exam." He turned to address the village leader. "Hokage-sama?"

"It's in your hand."

"Hokage-sama!" the Jounin protested.

Hokage waved her off. "While I do have the final say in most matters in the village, it wouldn't set a good precedence if I overrule Umino-kun's authority on a whim, would it? Everyone who disagree with everyone will come to me, expecting me to change the decisions made and that would lead to unnecessary work for me. Imagine a husband coming here to beg me to tell his wife where to put the damn sofa instead of her thinking about it? Or the husband begging me to decide whether his wife looks fat in the cloth she had bought or not? Or the wife wanting me to tell the husband that there will be no buying the newest model Able iBat 5s or Samson Galaxy Sword 4?"

"How come you're using marital problem as examples?"

"You wouldn't want to know," Hokage coughed. "But in the interest of fairness, I would ask you whether continuing this test would have any one or more of the following consequences: risk to the village's security, danger to anyone's life or danger of Naruto's secret being exposed."

Kariya considered the question and reluctantly shook her head.

"Well then, it is settled. I believe that you already had your chance to voice out your concern."

"Yes, Hokage-sama," she said reluctantly.

Seeing that it was his prerogative to put what seemed to be Naruto's guardian at ease, Iruka extended an olive branch. "But if you're worried about it, I'm willing to brief you on the result tomorrow afternoon."

The woman shrugged nonchalantly, a marked difference in her demeanour seconds before.

Taking that her response was a tacit acceptance, Hokage nodded toward Iruka. "Sorry to take your time, Iruka. Carry on."

After brief salutation, Iruka left the office and for the academy. It was rather gratifying that someone like Naruto still had people who care for him. But to have questioned his professionalism was a tad insulting since he saw Naruto as a normal student instead of Kyuubi's jinchuuriki or even worse, Kyuubi itself. If any, it was actually difficult for him to see Naruto as the fox demon itself as it was hard to imagine a boy who was obsessed with wearing that orange uniform and always have a repair tool somewhere on his person as Kyuubi's manifestation.

-ToN-ToN-  
-ToN-ToN-

The test finally went underway, with students pouring over the question papers and answering them in separate answer sheets. Iruka's gaze panned around the class, not trying to find cheats but instead to take in the view of the students, _his_ students, trying to do their best. It was heartening for him to see such a scene, which was a rarity. In fact even Shikamaru, the model sloth, was actually working very diligently, filling the answers as quickly as possible. Why, if Iruka was to describe it, it was as if Shikamaru was aiming for one of the top places.

There were screams and shouts outside the class, interrupting his thought. "Mizuki," Iruka said. "You continue proctoring the examination while I go and check."

"Okay."

"Damn, those people," Iruka grumbled as he slam open the classroom's door, "Don't they know that there's a very important exam..."

His complained died in his throat as he came face to face with a large, ferocious-looking bear with that hungry look on its face.

"Shit."

Iruka slammed close the door and put his back against the door to prevent it from being opened from outside.

There were knocks on the door.

Mizuki who was looking over the students glanced at him, and gestured toward the door, telling him to tend to the door.

Like hell he's going to do it.

The bear was still knocking on the boor.

Naruto's hand went up. "If I finish my test early, can I leave the class?"

Mizuki answered. "Only if you're confident. But once you hand in your paper, you can't retract it."

"Sure," Naruto said as he moved to the front of the class, handed out perfectly filled answer sheets to the astonishment of his classmates. "What?" he questioned. "It's only an objective-answer questionnaire so filling it up is pretty simple. You know the answer, just mark the right choice, don't know the answer, just mark any choice."

Mizuki took a cursory look at the answer sheets. "Okay, you may leave now."

Naruto then moved toward Iruka who still had his back over the door. "Sensei."

"Er, why don't you sit in the class instead?" the teacher said amidst the knocks on the door.

"I noticed that Alphonse that has been waiting in front of the classroom door."

"Alphonse?"

"Yup. He probably wanting to ask me some questions."

"There's no… no one outside the door, Naruto."

Naruto approached closer. "There is. Look!" The boy said as he pulled the door open, revealing the snarling bear.

Pandemonium ensued as students and teachers emptied the classroom except Naruto, another student who decided to play dead since it was to bothersome to risk getting trampled by others on the way and the other one who was thinking whether the bear could be fed with his asshole of a cousin.

"Huh?" Naruto wondered as he looked around. "Everyone's finished already?"

-ToN-ToN-

-ToN-ToN-

Eventually, after the bear that appeared in the academy had left, the faculty and the students returned. While some of the chunnin teachers later maintained that they could defeat the bear easily, they had to prioritise students' safety which was the reason why they fled, ahem, making a tactical retreat faster than their students. If they were accused of being cowards because they left the school ground faster than their students, they would argue that they were making sure the escape paths were truly safe.

In the end, the situation resolved itself without Konoha's security force ever had the chance of mobilising as the bear simply left the place without any altercation and once the students had returned, the classes were resumed.

One another note, no one had the insight as well as the nerve to question the Hokage regarding the lack of mobilisation of the security force. If they had asked, he would have replied that he wanted to test their reaction to a crisis, which they had failed tremendously. But as it was, no one asked and so that fact went unknown.

The appearance of the bear was the only strange thing over what was a normal day. The test continued, and students were informed of their results immediately. Later, after all of the students had left, some of them in jubilant moods while few of them had proverbial rain clouds over their heads, Mizuki began putting away the equipment while Iruka scanned the examination documents to check whether they were in order or not.

"So, see you later?" Mizuki asked after he had finished with his part.

"Okay," Iruka said as he began shuffling the test documents, mentally patting himself for a job well done. With the test finally finished, he was done.

No. He was not. He had another place to go to.

Ten minutes later,

"Iruka," Hokage greeted.

"Hokage-sama," Iruka said before nodding at Kariya who was already there.

"How was the examination, Umino-kun?"

"It went smoothly, Hokage-sama. Also, I would like to inform you that this time we conducted the four segments test: paperwork examination, taijutsu, kunai-throwing and three jutsus."

Hokage rubbed his chin. "Why four segment test? We normally go for the normal three jutsus test only."

"Well, we do, but some people, including the author feel that it's too short and brief for an examination that will determine whether one is fit to be a genin candidate. Besides, how can we determine the students' ranking if all of them only have to do the three jutsus correctly?"

"You raised a valid point, though Iruka..."

"Yes?"

"Please don't go around breaking the fourth wall. You're only a chunnin."

Iruka bowed deeply. "I'm very sorry, Hokage-sama! I will not do it again!"

"Very well. Go on with your explanation."

"So, to make the examination longer and seem more legitimate, it's necessary to add extra tests even though in the anim…, I mean the syllabus, original syllabus only mentioned the three jutsu test."

"I see," the Hokaga said while nodding his head. "And Naruto?"

"He passed taijutsu, kunai-throwing and three jutsus."

"The paper examination?"

"Well, we're not going mark the paper test since doing so would delay the result and as you know, the examination's result is on spot. Since the paper test is just an unnecessary additional test anyway, it wouldn't affect anything."

"I see."

Iruka turned toward the female Jounin. "You have trained him well, Kariya-san so I don't see why are you worried for him?"

Kariya Tomoe crossed her arms, closed her eyes and shook her head slowly. "You don't get it, do you?" She sighed.

"Hokage-sama, before I explain the reason for me to go against testing Naruto, I would like Iruka-sensei to answer some questions."

"Very well."

"Iruka-sensei. Think carefully. Did Naruto ask any question, anything, anything at all today. I don't care whether it's trivial or pointless, just tell us."

"Well, he did ask about the examination."

"What exactly did he ask?"

"_Any question before we start?"_

"_Iruka-sensei," Naruto called out while waving his hand._

"_Sigh. What is it, Naruto? If you're going to ask about this 'macro-economy' or the 'Pythagoras Theorem', whatever they are, I can tell you that they wouldn't be on the test." _

"_I'm just wondering, why do we have an examination to determine whether we're going to be ninjas or not?"_

"_Naruto, you're asking a rather pointless question, given that we have spent countless hours in the current education system," Sakura commented._

"_Sakura," Ino warned. "People aren't expecting you to say that."_

_Sakura put a hand on her mouth. "Ops. Sorry. I forgot. I'll try again," she apologised bashfully. "NARUTO-BAKA! STOP TRYING TO BE COOL BECAUSE YOU'LL NEVER COMPARE TO SASUKE-KUN WHO IS THE TOP STUDENT IN THE CLASS! YOU'LL ALWAYS BE A DEAD LAST!" she screeched. _

"_Much better," Ino said, smiling while giving a thumbs up to her friend who also smiled in return._

"_The reason why we conduct examination is to determine your ranking," Iruka explained._

"_Based on the ranking, there will be prizes to be won?" Naruto queried further._

"_No."_

"_Top scorers will get scholarships or bursary awards?"_

"_Once you finished your academy training, you'll assigned your team and subsequently missions. There's no post-graduate training programme in the academy."_

"_Oh. Then we will get higher salary or allowance?"_

"_Your pay will be determined by the type and level of mission assigned to you, not your placement in the academy test."_

"_We will be assigned higher-ranking or more skilled teachers?"_

"_No. Jounins are assigned as teachers depending on teams being formed as well as Hokage-sama's decision."_

"_So, why do we need to have rankings?"_

"And what did you answer him?" Kiriya-san asked.

"For team formation. The top shinobi, the top kunoichi and the dead last will form a team and the rest will be arranged accordingly."

The young woman smirked. "You had given a bad answer."

"Why?" Iruka asked defensively.

Kiriya gave Hokage a pointed look. "Despite you telling him that he needed to pass, Hokage-sama, Naruto know that it wouldn't be a problem to him."

The village leader stiffened slightly. "What do you mean? Are you telling me that he knows about…"

"Let me finish my explanation, Hokage-sama. I wanted to explain this to the two of you since yesterday but I kept getting cut off."

"Sorry. Please go on. The two of us will not interrupt you this time."

"Skill-wise, Naruto would have passed. I myself made sure of that and he's also working diligently. However, at the same time, all this time he had already known that the examination is not needed at all."

"What?" Iruka broke out.

"Ahem. No interruption, remember?"

"Ugh."

"Someone had given him some insider information regarding the school system."

The Hokage whistled slowly while looking away.

"I'm sure the information is probably something about team formation or how the test will be done, but Naruto had used that information to arrive to the conclusion that the students are being evaluated continuously to see whether they are suitable to become shinobis or not. He told me that it's strange given that the academy is a military training centre, emphasis is given to a single examination since it wouldn't be a good predictor of one's talent and his ability to carry out his mission once he graduates. For example, Hawkey… Hawkbutt Sasuke…"

"Duckbutt," Iruka corrected, despite the fact that he wasn't supposed to interject. "You almost called him Hawkeye just now; that would have increase his coolness factor by five."

"Sorry. Duckbutt Sasuke is a very good student. However, imagine that today he got high fever and that fever affected his performance. Will he be failed and kicked off the academy? The answer is no, and not because he's an Uchiha but because we can't afford to waste a talent like him. Naruto knows that, we know that and he also knows that we know that. So what did Naruto do with the knowledge? He told me that he's going to prank everyone."

"What do mean you, prank everyone?" Hokage asked.

"First, the test papers. You may forget, but I believe he probably asked what the passing mark was."

"He did." Iruka said. "But I don't see why…"

"Second, the kunai-throwing." Kariya continued, cutting off the chunnin's question, "Your assistant teacher conducted most of the test since you had to send the answers from the first test to the secure storage area but I was there throughout the whole event. Third test, taijutsu, where you pair the students. Did you notice that a lot of them scored a lot of hits on their opponents?"

"Yes. That mean a lot of them are quite good in taijutsu."

Kariya shook her head. "The fourth and the last test, the standard three."

"I don't get where you're going with this, Kariya-san," the Hokage remarked.

"For the fourth test, all students need to perform the basic three jutsus to pass. However, the first, second and third tests have been rigged."

Both Iruka and Hokage's eyes widened in surprise.

"What do you mean by that? Naruto cheated?" Iruka asked.

"No. He didn't and he didn't need to. Your other students, however, they did. You may check the papers, but I'm confident that most girls and few boys got exactly the same passing mark."

"They copied from each other?" Hokage added his curiosity.

"Not necessarily. They just need to achieve the passing mark. For the second test, many of them only hit five out of ten targets, the minimum hit to pass. As for the third test, they know that in order to pass, the maximum of hits their opponents could land on them is ten. So, the reason why the students managed to hit each other a lot times is not because of their skills. What actually happened is that they were trying to get their opponents to hit them. For example, a student named Yamanaka Ino who was fighting Haruno Sakura. Both of them managed to get 10 hits on each other. Whenever Yamanaka attacked, she would purposely make it slower so that Haruno would avoid it. However, Haruno simply moved herself into the attack so that Yamanaka managed to land her hits on her. Then the situation will reverse. In fact, maybe some of the students made pacts instead of what the two students did.

"Why?" Iruka gasped, his throat a bit dry from the sudden feeling of dread swelling up inside him from the revelation. "Why must they go to the extreme to get such a... low scores?

"It's because Uchiha Sasuke is the top student."

"What?"

"You basically told Naruto, in front of the class, which includes Uchiha's fangirls and fanboys that a team will be formed consisting of Uchiha Sasuke, the top kunoichi and the last person in the ranking. So, to get to Uchiha's team, you must perform extremely well, if you're a kunoichi or get the last place. Out of the two options, the easiest one is to get the last place. All one need to do is to achieve minimum marks and pass the three jutsus, and he or she will be together with the top students. I did try to tell the two of you but I was reminded that it's not my place to do so…"

Both Iruka and Hokage's eyes were very wide. "Are you telling us that…"

"I predict a lot of the students share the last place in ranking," Kariya finished smugly.

-ToN-ToN-

-ToN-ToN-

Meanwhile, a diabolical figure approached his target from behind, a lone blonde student who was engrossed in twiddling with some sort of contraption.

The blonde student punctured something on contraption, and oil squirted from the opening and hit the face of the said diabolical figure.

"Gah!" the figure uttered.

"Oh, Mizuki-sensei! What are you doing coming from behind me?"

"Er, nothing, Naruto. I merely wanted to see what you're doing." Seeing that the boy was about to launch into a long-winding hyperbole explanation that would certainly derailed his plan, Mizuki hastily added. "Er, I'm here for a special test for you."

"A test?"

Mizuki opened his notebook and flipped through it. "An extra test to make up for failing exam, nope, he passed… this one wouldn't do either…. ANBU trial…. Nope, yet to become a genin… Ah, here it is." He smiled brightly at Naruto. "The special test is to determine whether you get to be the top-ranking genin!"

"So… higher pay out from missions or bursary awards?"

"No. But you get to brag about it to hostile ninjas who will most likely be more experienced and skilled than you, angering them and causing them to make your death their first priority."

"Maybe not. I think Kiba and Sasuke will be more interested in the chance though."

Mizuki flipped through his notebook again.

"Special award?"

"Nah."

"Your achievement to be recorded in the text book?"

"I have yet to see details regarding rhinoceros in the water supply or fly paper instead of welcoming mats in Aburame clan's homes or cat ears on each one of the Inuzuka's dogs being written down so I don't think such a mission would be made public as well."

"You can get super cool jutsus?"

"I'm not that hot about learning jutsus."

"Oh, kami!" Mizuki said while throwing his notebook away in frustration. "Just go and steal the frigid forbidden scroll, will you?"

"Huh? Why didn't you say so? Okay!"

-ToN-ToN-

-ToN-ToN-

Later that night,

At a secluded place inside Konoha's forest, Naruto looked at the shed a few meters away from where he was standing. It was the designated place. The young boy put down the prize of his heist on the ground, giving it a critical look. One would be very suspicious of the status of the so-called forbidden scroll. When he broke into the Hokage's office to purloin the said item, he searched for the location of hidden vaults or secret passageways but was disappointed. He was about to give up and return back home when he saw a not-very-discrete map which included the location of the said forbidden scroll. Naruto went to the stated place and saw the forbidden scroll was neatly placed on a rack, along with not-forbidden scrolls, a tag on it clearly indicating its identity.

If the scroll was forbidden, and by extension not privy to just anyone, where were the ANBUs supposed to guard it?

And those signs… if Naruto was put in charge of keeping the scroll hidden, he would at least make sure that its location wasn't indicated on the map and the scroll remained unlabelled so that normal people wouldn't know that it's a forbidden scroll.

Oh well, he was not put in charge of setting up the security of the place so it wasn't his concern.

Naruto opened the scroll. The first jutsu that he saw was titled 'Kage Bunshin' that had a 'FORBIDDEN' stamped next to the title. A further elaboration of the said jutsu cautioned potential user about the possible risks of using it, including death by chakra exhaustion.

"Wait!" Naruto stopped reading and instead examined the forbidden scroll. "I can just read its content just like that? I thought that the scroll is protected by some kind of a blood seal or something, since it's supposedly top secret. What happen if it falls into the hand of a twelve-year old child who failed Shinobi Academy and that child decided to try out the jutsus inside this thing?"

Naruto thought about the statement and shrugged.

"Oh well, might as well read about it since I still a lot of time to spare. And since I'm not a twelve-year old child who failed Shinobi Academy, I can try the jutsus in this thing safely."

Let it be known that numerous self-caused explosions and life-threatening accidents had dulled Naruto's danger and common sense.

Even later…

A hard knock to the back of his head interrupted Naruto in the middle of his reading. "Ouch!" he said as he raised his head from the scroll to look at the perpetrator. "Oh, it's you, Iruka-sensei."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, 'OH IT'S YOU'? DO YOU REALISE WHAT YOU DID?" Iruka shouted at the boy.

Naruto wiped his sensei's saliva off his face. "What did you mean?"

"What did you mean 'What did you mean'? You stole the forbidden scroll!"

"Eh? But I was told to do so…"

"CAREFUL!" Iruka said as he pushed Naruto out of the way and raised his hands to cover his vulnerable parts as multiple kunais hit him.

"Good job finding him," Mizuki said. "But I have to admit I'm puzzled. The two of you were standing quite far away from the shed. Due to my poor skill, the kunais I threw headed toward the middle of the shed instead of your location but how come I still manage to hit you? And at the same time you shoved Naruto, who is even further from my attack area, to the ground. Aren't you afraid of him hitting his head on something hard and get a concussion?"

"I see… So that's what's going on… It is all your doing," Iruka said, totally ignoring Mizuki's words.

"Naruto, give me the scroll," Mizuki said.

"Wha? What's going on?" Naruto said as he looked at his surrounding in confusion.

"DON'T!" Iruka commanded the blonde boy as he pulled out a kunai from his thigh. "No matter what, you mustn't give him the scroll."

"Huh?"

"That scroll contains forbidden ninjutsus sealed within it. You have been tricked by Mizuki who wanted the scroll for himself."

Naruto stared at Mizuki. "Why?"

Mizuki grinned maliciously. "We can share, if you want. That scroll contains a lot of powerful techniques, more powerful than you can imagine. As a present, I'll even tell you a little secret about you."

"MIZUKI! THAT IS FORBIDDEN!" Iruka said as he realised what his former friend was about to reveal.

However, Mizuki ignored his plea. "Twelve years ago a rule was created that only you mustn't know about."

"A rule I mustn't know?"

"In the class, you have learned that the Kyuubi no Yoko attacked the village was defeated by Yondaime. The truth is, Yondaime was not able to really defeat Kyuubi."

"He couldn't?"

"No one could, even the famous Yondaime. The only way to stop the rampaging demon fox was to seal it in a baby boy."

Naruto's eyes widened. "What are you talking about… Hey, are you telling me…"

"Do you get it now? Why the villagers hate you for no reason?"

The young boy turned toward Iruka. "Did they? I didn't notice because I'm hardly in the village."

"Honestly I don't know either."

"Hey, don't be rude and ignore my rambling!" Mizuki growled. "I'm in the middle of my villainous speech now."

"Sorry," the two apologized.

"Now, where was I? Ah, yes. All those hateful glances, all those animosity are directed at you. You're that baby, Naruto. Hokage sealed the Kyuubi into you!"

Naruto screamed. "OH NO! I HAVE KYUUBI SEALED IN ME!"

"Yes, you do, Naruto," Mizuki said, grinning as his plan to throw Naruto off guard was successful. "Because Hokage sealed Kyuubi inside you, you have become the new reincarnation of Kyuubi. You are the one who are responsible for those who killed twelve years ago. You killed everyone including Iruka's parent! It's your fault! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!"

However, Naruto was already oblivious to what his traitorous teacher was saying as he pondered the implication of that revelation, running around with his arms flailing in panic. "WAAAAA! I HAVE A SUPER BAD ASS BIG ENGINE OF DESTRUCTION IN ME! A LARGE FOX DEMON IS INSIDE ME! OH NO!"

He then stopped as he came to a realisation. "Oh no! What happens when one day I find a girl cute and go to talk to her? Then in the middle of the conversation, I suddenly begin to talk crap! It must be the fox's fault because since it is sealed inside and can't go outside, it has to poo everywhere inside me and when it got full, the crap starts coming out of my mouth just as I am trying to impress the girl!"

"Ahem, Naruto," Iruka said, "You don't need Kyuubi sealed inside you to be talk crap. Even Mizuki-sens... Mizuki talk crap all the time."

"I really don't need to hear that from a fellow teacher like you, Iruka."

Iruka's attempt to calm him down was lost on Naruto. "ANBUs told me that I'm pissing them off! It was the fox fault after all! It must be the one doing the pissing! No wonder most of them were smelly most of the time!"

Simultaneously all ANBUs all over Konoha felt the need to kill or at least maim someone.

"I even pissed off Iruka-sensei and Mizuki-sensei few times too! And those weren't part of pranks! I should at least try to aim it!"

"Hoi!" came the protest from the two indignant teachers.

But their protest fell on deaf ears as the boy who had a manic look on his face wasn't listening. "Oh no! I have Kyuubi in my stomach. That means I'm in one of those illogical male-pregnancy Yaoi fanfics where Sasuke is the father even though I'm physiologically unable to carry a child, even more deliver it through my non-existent female reproductive organ! Arghhh! The horror! Why can't they just write me in normal Yaoi fanfics?"

"WHACK!" A loud but relatively painless hit to the head brought Naruto out of his stupor. He blinked and rubbed his head, completely missing a gloved hand holding a large paper fan receding into the seal on his navel.

Iruka was paying attention to Mizuki when the paper fan hit Naruto so he had missed what had happened. On the other hand, even though Mizuki had Naruto in his peripheral view, the combination of watching Iruka for any hostile move coupled with Naruto's small stature and the lack of light led him to incorrectly conclude that Naruto hit himself with the paper fan since the boy was a demon and a demon wasn't supposed to use its common sense.

"Huh? Eh? What was I saying just now?" Naruto asked.

"Er... Something unmentionable, best we don't mention it forever," Iruka said to the agreement of his former colleague.

The three of them stood quietly for a minute.

"So," Mizuki said while raising his hand a bit, "Should we continue with the part where I try to kill the two of you while ignoring the fact that attempting to kill Naruto might lead to accidental release of Kyuubi which would probably kill me in turn?"

Iruka put a hand under his chin. "Hmm... I guess so."

"Okay?"

"Okay."

"Ha ha ha ha ha, "Mizuki laughed while unstrapping the large star-shaped weapons behind his back while adopting a throwing stance. "Get ready to be killed by my cumbersome, heavy and difficult to throw extremely large shurikens, which were killing my back by the way, even though I could have opted for more practical and lethal poison tipped kunais but didn't because I want to look cool! Ha ha ha."

The traitor was about to spin his body to throw the weapons but stopped. "Oh, I forgot. Ha ha. That makes five 'Ha'," he said as he restarted his attack.

"NARUTO!" Iruka said while he moved to shield the boy with his body.

The shuriken hit his back, and Iruka grunted in pain but still addressed the boy he had protected. "Are you okay, Naruto?"

"Iruka-sensei... Why do you do that?" Naruto asked, tears brimming in his eyes. "Why do you risk your life to protect me?"

The scarred Chunnin teacher smiled. "Because you're one of my students, Naruto."

Naruto wiped his face using the sleeve of his jacket. "Er... I'm not asking about that. Ignoring that I am fast enough to evade by merely taking two steps to the side, I am wondering why you stopped the shuriken with your back and risk severing your spine; rendering you a decrepit for the rest of your life."

The smile was still there, but a bit strained. "Like I said, Naruto, you're my precious student and I'm willing to risk my life for you."

"Yeah, I know that and I really respect you for that but what I'm trying to say is, couldn't you perform a jutsu to block the attack or blow away the shuriken without risking your life needlessly? Maybe you can display your skill to kick it away or even better catch it with your hand before striking a cool pose? You know, being Chunnin and all."

Iruka took a long, deep breath and let out a similarly long, large sigh. He then put a hand on his student's shoulder. "Naruto, no matter whether you are an ANBU masquerading as a student, have a super power soul reaper, develop an overpowered eye-based doujutsu, have Kyuubi become your secret teacher or even become a godlike entity with massive harem," Iruka smiled again, I will always have my back out for you; in the past, in the present and in the future."

"Sensei!" Naruto uttered as he hugged the older man.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! You're pushing the throwing star deeper into my wound."

"Oops, sorry," Naruto apologised as he pushed away a bit. He then turned to address Mizuki. "You will pay for injuring Iruka-sensei," he declared boldly.

"But you're the one who just added more injury to him," Mizuki pointed out.

"…I mean the first one and the second."

"Oh? And how are you going to do that?" Mizuki sneered. "Even in the _unlikely_ case that not-even-a-gennin-yet like you can produce a thousand Kage Bunshins, I can _choose not to stand around like an idiot while your unskilled Kage Bunshins try to pummel me to the ground_ and simply get away from this place. I'm a Chunnin after all."

In response, Naruto merely smiled. "Well, I neither think I can produce that many clones nor will I waste my chakra to do so. Hokage-Jiji has this peeping orb that can look everywhere inside this village. So..."

"So?"

"Are you faster than 10 ANBUs who have arrived seconds before?"

Mizuki was about to refute the statement when an ANBU wearing a cockroach mask appeared and rapped Naruto on the head. "Damn it kid! Not only you caused me to lose the bet we had over the outcome of this, you also let the newbies know you can detect them! How are we seniors going to keep the gambling racket going on?"

"Ouch!" Naruto said while rubbing his head. "How should I know? It's not as if I know they're newbies by their chakra. Besides, don't you people keep gambling about me for a long time already?"

"Eh, we needed some entertainment. Oh, and by the way, former 'Fly' send her regard to you, 'Chameleon' said, holding an unconscious Mizuki, already tied up with some seals applied on him. He turned toward what seemed to be the ANBU's leader, who was wearing a centipede mask. "Fugitive captured,"

"Good," 'Centipede' said. "Let's go."

All ANBUs were about to leave when Iruka took a step forward. "Wait!"

'Centipede' turned toward the academy teacher. "What is it, Umino Iruka?"

"You're leaving with him just like that?"

"It is obvious to you that we intend to do just that, isn't it?"

"Yeah, but..."

"We were ordered to apprehend the target as fast as we can. So we did exactly just that and have achieved our objective."

"You appear behind him and quickly knocked him out with a blow to his head."

"That we did."

"Without any announcement, you knocked him out!"

"Yes."

"But, aren't you suppose to appear and introduce yourself so that..."

"My team had been on patrol for twelve hours today and we've just returned to our respective homes for not more than thirty minutes when we received the order to apprehend Mizuki. We're tired, cranky and feeling murderous right now. Do you expect us to introduce ourselves to the target, telling him exactly what we want to do to him, wait for him to unleash any trump card he may be hiding, for example becoming a mutant tiger that has great strength, with stripes and all that, and then get ourselves killed trying to stop the upgraded version of him?"

"Er... "

'Centipede' stared at him, waiting for the answer.

"Sorry for questioning your method."

"Good." Just like the wind, all of the ANBU's disappeared with their quarry.

Iruka tried to straighten up but winced from the back injury.

"Come, sensei, let's get you to the hospital fast," Naruto offered. "I have the best way of doing that."

The young teacher eyed his student suspiciously. "You're not going to use any of your prototype to carry me there, do you?" he said, remembering all those weird contraptions the boy had used while during Aohime-sensei's and his own teaching tenure.

Naruto was visibly disappointed by the accusing tone used by Iruka. "Sensei, I know that you don't have a high opinion of me because I'm not interested in becoming a shinobi and I'm the jailor for..."

"No, no," Iruka quickly interjected, anxious to set right Naruto's perception, "It's not about those. I'm just concerned about your invention. Your status as Kyuubi's jailor or your being uninterested in becoming a shinobi weren't even in my mind."

The boy perked up. "Oh!"

"Now, it's not that I don't trust you, but well, your inventions have that tendency to... explode? Electrocute people? Cause fire? Create black soot all over the place? Backfire? Did I say explode?"

"Well, if it will help to put your mind at ease, the one I was about to suggest to you have been tested by the ANBUs extensively for the past two months for rapid transportation and surrounding surveying."

Iruka let out a relieved breath silently. Naruto's inventions had the tendency to explode during initial testing stage: that much was a given knowledge. For it to be tested by ANBUs for two months without mishap meant that it was safe for use.

"Okay, Naruto, you've convinced me. Let's try it!"

-ToN-ToN-

-ToN-ToN-

The group of ANBUs arrived at the Torture and Interrogation office, the group of ANBUs dropped Mizuki to an eager Morino Ibiki and the group of ANBUs they were done for the night, hopefully, barring any other idiot trying to steal top-secret scrolls.

'Chameleon' particularly was eager to return to his house to continue on the private and personal activity that he and his newly-married wife were about to engage in before he was summoned for the 'Locate and Capture' mission.

Mizuki's head and crotch hitting some stray branches one or two hundred while being transported to T&I were strictly _coincidental and accidental, _not as acts of petty revenge_._

"'Chameleon'," 'Centipede' called just as the man was about to shunshin away. "Before you're dismissed and return home, I have another task for you,"

The ANBU agent wanted to cluck his tongue in exasperation but it would have been rude to his superior. Mentally sighing, 'Chameleon' turned toward the man. "Yes, sir?"

'Centipede' raised his hand heavenward at a faraway object which was making a wailing noise as it moved toward the centre of the village. "Since it is Umino Iruka's first time, please make sure that he lands safely at the hospital, since I guess that's where he will be."

The ANBU leader was quiet for a moment as the sound of Iruka's screaming got closer and subsequently, louder. "And make sure to stuff his mouth with a rag or something before he wakes up the whole village."

"Yes, sir!"

'Centipede' snorted in annoyance. "I know it is fun and since it is his first time trying it, it is to be expected for him to be that excited. But he could at least be quieter considering the fact that now is night time and most of the villagers are already asleep."

'Chameleon' found himself agreeing with his platoon leader. There was simply no need for Umino Iruka to be shouting to the village, in the middle of the night no less, that he was given the chance to experience what many ANBUs had already experienced.

After all, the ANBUs didn't go around advertising the fact that they had experienced the thrills of becoming human cannonballs.

-ToN-ToN-

-ToN-ToN-

Kabuto looked at his master who was holding a test tube with a clamp over a burner, heating the dangerous looking liquid inside the tube. "I am wondering, Orochimaru-sama, aren't we supposed to be up to no good?"

The said man turned his head without moving his body at all, just like a scene from a B-rate budget horror movie. The move would have been creepy for most people but Kabuto was used to the man's quirks. The sannin was wearing an eye protection goggles, Kabuto noted, an idea certainly copied from Naruto-kun, the boy who was probably responsible for Orochimaru-sama change. "What do you mean, Kabuto?"

"Well, we are doing something legal right now even though it is borderline unethical. Shouldn't we plan something nefarious?"

"Such as?"

"Get a Chunnin to trick an Academy student to steal the forbidden scroll?"

"And why should we do that?" Orochimaru asked back, clearly amused by the suggestion.

"Because it is nefarious?" Kabuto tested.

"Why are you repeating the word 'nefarious'?"

"Because it sounds so evil."

"I see. In regards to your question, I certainly don't need to relearn Kage Bunshin. Besides, why should I get a Chunnin to steal the forbidden scroll?" As the liquid inside the test tube he was heating began to boil, Orochimaru turned his head back to the front, switch off the burner and moved the tube on a nearby wooden rack. "If, hypothetically speaking, I really need or want to procure such a scroll, wouldn't it be better for me to send you or Anko or at the very least commission a Jounin level ninja to get it? However, that leads to my original question which is why should I steal it?"

"Because there is a lot of forbidden information inside it apart from Kage Bunshin?"

"Kabuto, you seem to have forgotten about who I am. I am Orochimaru, said to be the genius among the sannins; I'm also said to be the most insane as well though I don't care. Do you really think I need to steal the forbidden scroll when it was me who contributed most of the 'forbidden knowledge' inside the scroll? Why, if I am really into it, I can easily produce a forbidden scroll even more comprehensive than the one the village has"

"Why don't you?"

"The question is, my dear apprentice, why should I?"

Before Kabuto could respond to the question, Anko's head peaked near the doorway. "Sensei, I've brought some oyakodon", she said while showing paper bag in her hand.

"With extra egg, I presume?"

"With extra egg," she confirmed. Even though the normal oyakodon, the chicken and egg donburi, contains an almost equal amount of fried egg and chicken pieces cooked in soy sauce, Orochimaru preferred his to have more eggs since eggs was his favourite food.

"Good," the snake sannin said, clearly pleased. "I will clean up and then we shall have supper," he said, corking the test tube and then left the place.

"And I suppose you have mine as well?" Kabuto asked of his colleague.

"Of course," Anko said while raising the bag in her other hand. "For you, I have bought the Grade A tree sap from. Aburame's shop. Be grateful, 'cause it's my treat,"

"... You do realise that I'm not a real rhinoceros beetle even though my name is Kabuto, don't you?

"Whoops," Anko said while chuckling nervously. "Sorry, but I do have some dangos and yakitori."

Crapfood galore for the Chunnin. It was a wonder that she grew up normally given her personal preference for such food. "Oh well, it's a good thing I have some ready-to-eat meal somewhere. I suppose I'll go and heat it," Kabuto said as he went to get the said item.

"Um... How about the tree sap?"

"Leave it there. Since it is expensive, I might as well see if I can produce something from it, some kind of drink maybe."

"Alcoholic?"

"We're still underage, Anko. Besides, why limit the demography?"

Three months later, a tree-sap flavoured soft drink whose packaging had a cute looking rhinoceros beetle smiling as a logo was marketed in Konoha, its high sugar content made it an instant hit with children. Coincidentally, five months after the drink was marketed, more and more children having tooth cavity were being reported, prompting Hokage to commission Konoha Research Bureau to conduct a research to reduce the problem.

Exactly a year later after the conversation between Kabuto and Anko, a tooth care product whose packaging had a cute looking 'Oro-chan' mascot began to be marketed.

-ToN-ToN-

-ToN-ToN-

Tomoe sat on the on the roof of Naruto's apartment, looking at the moonless night. It was an eventful night, with her charge finding out about his status as Kyuubi's jailor. The two of them had a long talk about it. Surprisingly, Naruto was quite mature to be accepting it as well as her position on the matter. Sure, it was on a technical basis, but she had remain truthful to him in all matters. Tomoe had skirted around some issues, changed topics or even did not answer his questions but she had never lied to him. Finally, the two accepted that the revelation would not change anything between the two of them and Naruto should not let his status as a jinchuuriki prevent him from achieving his goals.

The irony of the situation did not escape her notice since Naruto was not a jinchuuriki to begin with. He wasn't a jailor to some nine-tailed fox demon.

"_Naruto is a gacha ball, and I'm the toy inside it?" _a voice asked in an amused manner.

Tomoe glanced to the apparition of a fox standing next to her. "Good evening, Kyuubi-san."

"_I'm not Kyuubi. I told you that I only have two tails,"_the fox apparition complained as its two long, bushy tails swirled around.

"Yeah, yeah. I know. I'm just pulling your tails, Tails."

"_That's mean of you,"_ Tails said. "And that's a terrible pun."

"Here.. here…" Tomoe said as she patted the spot next to her.

"_I'm not your pet dog either." _

The female Jounin chuckled. "Pet fox is more accurate."

"_Mou…"_Tails pouted but still took his place. _"Kariya-san."_

"Tomoe."

"_Tomoe. Why didn't you tell the village leader about me?"_

"How am I going to tell him without looking crazy and delusional, emphasis on the delusional part? Let me try. Hello, Hokage-sama. You remember that big nine-tailed fox that attacked the village 12 years ago? You know, the one that Yondaime transported outside of the village so that it could be sealed into his son? Well, actually, during the transfer, there was a major cock-up and the nine-tailed fox was gone and…" she gestured toward Tails, "in its place, we have this smaller and definitely cuter two-tailed fox."

"Of course, being panicky, Yondaime decided to just screw it and sealed the fox inside his newly-born son along with part of his and his wife's chakra to help him to harness the power of Kyuubi in the future even though Kyuubi was no more in this world, which is not flat, by the way but round."

"However, since the seal was designed to contain very large and chakra intensive creature of doom, it couldn't keep the two-tailed fox imprisoned and the only reason why he had yet to make an appearance is because he's busy learning about everything. How do I know about all of this? The rings that Naruto gave me are actually special items that would allow me to communicate with fox, whose name is Tails by the way. Oh, the rings? They also function as conduits of some sort."

Tomoe took a deep breathe. "I should tell Hokage something like that?"

"_You do get all the information right."_

"Like hell they're going to believe me!"

"_Why not? After all, your world have people who can stick on walls, shoot large and perfectly-shaped spherical fireballs, summon a very large snake out of nowhere…"_

"They may believe that your name is Tails or you come from another dim.. box, wherever that is, but they will never accept what seem to be the most impossible part."

"_Yondaime sealed his and his wife's chakra into Naruto, where they were supposed to appear to him fifteen years later?"_

"No! They will never believe that Yondaime screwed up! It's like accepting the fact that there are no bunnies living on the moon pounding ingredients to make rice cakes!"

"_There are bunnies that make rice cakes, but certainly none of them live on the moon, which is Earth's only satellite and biggest natural celestial body that orbit the planet, since they couldn't survive due to harsh environment."_

"There! That's exactly what I'm telling you about. No one would believe that!"

"_When you frame it in that perspective, it makes sense." _Tails said, musing. _"My original question?"_

"Remember what you told me about an orange mask person chasing after Naruto, the one that Naruto thought was a dream?"

Tails nodded.

"To put it simply, whoever that man is, he's a threat to Naruto and by extension, you." Tomoe brought out a small scroll and performed unsealing, revealing a kunai. She then resealed it. "You probably have seen sealing scrolls a lot since I've demonstrated them to Naruto a couple of times already. Now, take the kunai in this scroll for example. What do you think will happen if the scroll is destroyed?

"_Depending on the type of fuinjutsu used on the scroll, the kunai may reappear unchanged, or it may be damaged or perhaps lost."_

"Spot on, and the reason is a Scroll of Sealing is designed to store something, not protect it. Ironically, a humble gacha ball serve the purpose of carrying while at the same time protecting the item inside it. Also, without the gacha ball, the toy will remain stuck inside the vending machine, so it also serves to facilitate movement. Even though the ball is very useful, without the item inside it, it is useless. So, both the toy and ball both needed each other."

"_Wow. That is so profound. But…"_

"But… what?"

"_People normally throw away the gacha ball after they got the toy inside." _

Tomoe flicked Tail's head.

"_Ow!"_

"Don't spoil my cool line." Tomoe then looked forward, drinking in the sight of the village at night. "So it starts tomorrow…" she said wistfully. "The plan."

"_Yup. Sure you don't' want to know?"_

Tomoe sighed. "No. I'm very friendly and all, but I'm still a Konoha Shinobi and is bound to current reigning Hokage. So, it is better that I don't know anything. All I need to know is Yondaime-sama believes you."

"_If you insist."_

"I insist. And I also insist you to never tell me even if I suddenly change my mind."

"_Why?"_

"It means that I have changed, not necessarily for the better."

"_Very well."_

"Thanks." Tomoe rubbed Tail's head fondly which annoyed the fox but it did not push her away. "Aw, so cute. Come to think of it, there's one thing I do want to know."

"_What is it?"_

"How do you 'poo' inside Naruto?"

* * *

1

* * *

**Author's note**

1. it wouldn't be a Naruto stereotypical fanfic without the stereotypical steal-the-scroll-as-part-of-an-extra-test arc.

2. I do know the reason Mizuki stole the scroll in anime is different from manga. In anime, he was going to give it to Orochimaru whereas in manga he simply wanted to be powerful. I followed the anime parts, mostly, except for Orochimaru's involvement. Even if Orochimaru is evil in this story, I really doubt that he want the scroll. Or, if he really wanted to, he could have used various ways of doing so.

3. In anime and manga, it was said that Yondaime sealed Kyuubi, not killed it. Some fanfics outright mentioned that 'Yondaime killed it, but it's a lie since it was actually sealed inside Naruto.' I understand the reasoning behind this decision because it's more dramatic rather than 'Oh, Yondaime sealed it and we tell everyone about the sealing except Naruto'.

4. Have you ever noticed those fics that have Naruto as being trained by ANBU former ANBU captain, got trained by Tom, Dick and Harry or have ultimate doujutsu or having whatchamacallit, Iruka still got hit by Mizuki's shurikens in the end? Few of them already have Naruto knowing that Mizuki is evil planning to frame him, and Iruka still got hit. Weird.

5. Naruto talking crap is inspired by 'Win Some Lose Some' by Obsidian Dreamer.


End file.
